ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Deer hunter humor

Updated on January 21, 2013

Young hunters first hat

Top 10 ways to know if junior is a deer hunter

1) As an infant, he preferred chewing on a deer grunt tube rather than a pacifier.

2)His first Halloween costume was Daniel Boone with camo clothing and a coon skin hat.

3)Juniors first science fair project was called "Quality Deer Management"

4)His subscription to Deer and Deer Hunting is good thru 2038.

5)When he first got interested in girls, he started using deer cover scent for cologne.

6)He put his first award from school on the trophy shelf behind his bullet collection.

7)He ended up in the principals office for using his fist to defend his right to wear his favorite shirt, "PETA- People Eating Tasty Animals"

8)His favorite book report was on scoring Boone and Crockett bucks, both typical and non-typical.

9)His first date, he took his girlfriend out to his favorite tree stand but sent her back to the truck because she kept moving and swatting at mosquitos. He was afraid she'd scare off any game that was close by.

10)He said the only college he'd be attending was the University of Deer Outfitters.

Hunter's security system

How to install your security system.

  1. Go to Goodwill, purchase a pair of size 14 boots and place them near your front door.
  2. Place your copy of Guns&Ammo magazine next to the boots.
  3. Put 2 giant dog bowls close by where they can be seen.
  4. Leave a note on the front door "Went to buy some ammo and beer, be right back. Don't mess with the pit bulls they already got the mailman so I put them in the house."

Getting Lost

Dewey and Dave have been down in the swamp hunting all day, it's starting to getdark and it appears that they are lost. Dewey says to Dave "We need to hurry and get out of here, I'm starting to get worried". Dave quickly replies "Don't worry my father told me that when you get lost in the woods fire 3 shots, straight up in the air and help will come". He fires off 3 shots, after 1/2 hour no help has arrived.

Dewey says"I'm going to try that again maybe no one noticed the first time". Another 1/2 hour goes by and still no help. Dave says "I don't get it, my dad told me 3 shots. I'd try again but I only have 2 arrows left.

Deer Hunters Favorite morning gathering

Deer Hunters 911

Operator: "911, what's your emergency"

Hunter: "My hunting buddy fell out of his tree stand an I think he's dead"

Operator: "Calm down sir, first lets make sure he's dead"

Hunter: "OK, hold on a minute"

You hear 2 loud shots in the background, then the hunter responds again. "OK he's dead now what?"

Mystery dinner for the kids

A hunter brings home a deer he killed and is going to cook it up for dinner, his wife says we should let the kids guess what they're eating. Once the kids come to the table the hunter says taste your dinner and see if you can tell me what were having.

The boy takes a big bite and shrugs his shoulders, the girl ask if he can give them a clue. The hunter says it's something take your mommy calls me sometimes. The girl quickly responds"Oooh don't eat it, it's an asshole!"

Top 10 reasons Hunters favor their gun over their wife

10)Guns don't ask do these new grips make me look fat.

9)You can trade in an old 44 for a new 22.

8)If you tell your buddy you admire his gun, he'll probably let you try it out a few times.

7)Guns don't take up the whole closet so you may actually have room from some of your stuff.

6)You can have one gun for home but take another when your on the road.

5)Guns function every time of the month, they never say it's that time of the month.

4)Guns will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

3)Your primary gun doesn't mind if you have another for gun back up.

2)A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number 1 reason hunters favor their guns over their wives is you can buy a SILENCER for it.


    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      hi amy,my name is bassel from Lebanon(beirut) and i am an NDPH seeffrur since 15 yers. the headache pain started with flu when i was 18 and never stopped. it is a long sad story with this pain, and i think in our case we need to strong and to adapt to this destiy.note that i changed my studies from general medecine to an easier major after competeing the first 3 years due to headache;i changed all my life due to my pain. now i am married with a little daughter and i admit that is hard mission to bring forward our lives with this pain because it is a not famigliar pain and noone can undestand what you are feeling.after 8 years of stopping medications , i started recently with an antibiotic treatment for 3 months course based on study showing that my NDPH is infectuous and it could have positive results with antibiotic(doxycycline). 15 years ago i started all type of therapies and medications and withount any improvement and till now i don't know if there is a cure for this sad story, and in the same time i keep thinking how will i feel if one day the pain disappear. maybe i will fly!!regards and thanks for your support.bassel

    • profile image


      3 years ago

      I was recently dionagsed with NDPH and I am so discouraged to read the length of time people have been suffering. My doctor has prescribed Tizanidine (Zanaflex) but I'm not sure it's helping. I've been taking it for two weeks and, now that I'm up to the therapeutic dose I feel awful. It makes me feel over-medicated and very, very sleepy. And it's done nothing to alleviate my headaches. My neurologist said to give it a month but it's very hard to work and feel so wasted. I also saw an ENT who is eager to perform a balloon sinuplasty which he swears will get rid of my headaches. I'm not sure I'm ready for something so invasive. Has anyone else used that medication or had a procedure on their sinuses? What were the results? Also, I'm so afraid to tell my husband how much pain I'm actually in. He knows I get headaches regularly and has even seen me cry from them but I put a brave face on literally (lots of makeup) and keep going. We have 5 year old twins and it breaks my heart every time one of them asks why I have a headache all the time.I'm so happy to have found this site and a place to vent .and listen!


    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at:

    Show Details
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the or domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)