Deer hunter humor
Young hunters first hat
Top 10 ways to know if junior is a deer hunter
1) As an infant, he preferred chewing on a deer grunt tube rather than a pacifier.
2)His first Halloween costume was Daniel Boone with camo clothing and a coon skin hat.
3)Juniors first science fair project was called "Quality Deer Management"
4)His subscription to Deer and Deer Hunting is good thru 2038.
5)When he first got interested in girls, he started using deer cover scent for cologne.
6)He put his first award from school on the trophy shelf behind his bullet collection.
7)He ended up in the principals office for using his fist to defend his right to wear his favorite shirt, "PETA- People Eating Tasty Animals"
8)His favorite book report was on scoring Boone and Crockett bucks, both typical and non-typical.
9)His first date, he took his girlfriend out to his favorite tree stand but sent her back to the truck because she kept moving and swatting at mosquitos. He was afraid she'd scare off any game that was close by.
10)He said the only college he'd be attending was the University of Deer Outfitters.
Hunter's security system
How to install your security system.
- Go to Goodwill, purchase a pair of size 14 boots and place them near your front door.
- Place your copy of Guns&Ammo magazine next to the boots.
- Put 2 giant dog bowls close by where they can be seen.
- Leave a note on the front door "Went to buy some ammo and beer, be right back. Don't mess with the pit bulls they already got the mailman so I put them in the house."
Dewey and Dave have been down in the swamp hunting all day, it's starting to getdark and it appears that they are lost. Dewey says to Dave "We need to hurry and get out of here, I'm starting to get worried". Dave quickly replies "Don't worry my father told me that when you get lost in the woods fire 3 shots, straight up in the air and help will come". He fires off 3 shots, after 1/2 hour no help has arrived.
Dewey says"I'm going to try that again maybe no one noticed the first time". Another 1/2 hour goes by and still no help. Dave says "I don't get it, my dad told me 3 shots. I'd try again but I only have 2 arrows left.
Deer Hunters Favorite morning gathering
Deer Hunters 911
Operator: "911, what's your emergency"
Hunter: "My hunting buddy fell out of his tree stand an I think he's dead"
Operator: "Calm down sir, first lets make sure he's dead"
Hunter: "OK, hold on a minute"
You hear 2 loud shots in the background, then the hunter responds again. "OK he's dead now what?"
Mystery dinner for the kids
A hunter brings home a deer he killed and is going to cook it up for dinner, his wife says we should let the kids guess what they're eating. Once the kids come to the table the hunter says taste your dinner and see if you can tell me what were having.
The boy takes a big bite and shrugs his shoulders, the girl ask if he can give them a clue. The hunter says it's something take your mommy calls me sometimes. The girl quickly responds"Oooh don't eat it, it's an asshole!"
Top 10 reasons Hunters favor their gun over their wife
10)Guns don't ask do these new grips make me look fat.
9)You can trade in an old 44 for a new 22.
8)If you tell your buddy you admire his gun, he'll probably let you try it out a few times.
7)Guns don't take up the whole closet so you may actually have room from some of your stuff.
6)You can have one gun for home but take another when your on the road.
5)Guns function every time of the month, they never say it's that time of the month.
4)Guns will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.
3)Your primary gun doesn't mind if you have another for gun back up.
2)A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.
And the number 1 reason hunters favor their guns over their wives is you can buy a SILENCER for it.