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Dr. Puebla: Or How I Learned to Motivate Myself to Write Tonight's CMLL Running Diary
I'll be honest gang; I wasn't really up to doing this running diary for tonight's Puebla show just fifteen minutes ago. But then I remembered Negro Casas vs. Mephisto was tonight and that I'm probably the only sap who will be watching/caring about this show in any way. And so I found the will to crack a few jokes and try to act like I know what I'm talking about, all while resisting the urge to continue my rewatch of Game of Thrones. I'm almost at the Red Wedding sports fans, an event where nothing of importance happens at all for the two of you who haven't watched the show. Trust me; would I lie? Alright maybe, but we can discuss that later while I'm writing about Gran Apache. For now, let's get to Arena Puebla. Moses, hit that Drive inspired version of the GOT theme! Oh, and do your usual meming duties.
9:53: The promoting is done, the writing is beginning and oh my Grodd, why do I have to keep bringing up the "promotion" side of this gig every time I do this. I'm more predictable than a WWE five way featuring Finn Balor winning while everyone says "huh, I thought that match would be better." They also say that when a pale piece of shite is involved.
9:57: We still have two minutes till showtime, but I'm bored and feel like typing out Pink Floyd's "Waiting for the Worms" again. You with me? I knew you would be. Moses, give me the beat.
Eins, zwei, drei, alle!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU CANNOT REACH ME NOW! OOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! NO MATTER HOW YOU TRY (awesome rift) GOOD BYE CRUEL WORLD! IT'S OVAH! WALK ON BY! (marching sounds).
10:00: Great timing by CMLL! I finish those lyrics and the show goes live!
10:02: According to the very long poster you see at the beginning of this column, our opening match is Meyer and Paris taking on Inquisidor, brother of Polvora, and Camorra. Maybe I'm overly optimistic, but this match has a shot. You know, if Meyer and Paris are on their game and Polvora is masquerading as Inquisidor again. Yes, I believe that was going on and you can't change my mind about it!
10:04: So that is not Inquisidor or Camorra. In fact it's actually King Jaguar, which means one of our rudos got lost on the way to the arena. Please be Camorra. PLEASE BE CAMORRA!
10:05: YES! Camorra is the one who got lost, meaning the rudo team is now Inquisidor and Jaguar. This match's chances of being good have increased from 15% to 25%. Big jump.
10:07: Jaguar and Paris will start on the mat. Or as we call it, every start to every CMLL match in ALL history. I went Jonathan Hyde in Titanic with the emphasis on ALL there.
10:08: Is it just me, or is Jaguar's attire pretty much the same thing some of Baelish's prostitutes wear in GOT? Or have I just been watching too much GOT? Either way Paris did some arm drags and now he and Jaguar have left so Meyer and Inquisidor can do waist locks.
10:10: Just cracked a joke about Octagon y Mascara Sagrada en Lucha a Muerte commenting on a cubsfan tweet. Hope he got it! Meanwhile Paris ans Jaguar are back in. Or they were till Meyer flew in with a crossbody and an arm drag to take control.
10:11: Inquisidor is looking like Polvora again. This is good. He sends Meyer to the floor, then is sent to the floor himself by Paris. Sadly the "Frenchmen" walks right into a Jaguar powerbomb, and taps out to a Cloverleaf soon after. Meyer and Polvora...wow, Freudian slip there! Meyer and Inquisidor come in and Inquisidor hits his Muscle Buster into a Codebreaker finisher to give the rudos a 1-0 lead. I enjoyed this. Sure I was goofing off most of the time, but that's just semantics right? Am I using that term right? WHO CARES!
10:14: In a shocking development, the rudos are controlling the start of fall two. The good news is Inquisidor is still trying hard.
10:16: King Jaguar has come in and this match has taken a turn for the Uwe Boll.
10:17: This is...this is...this is...thankfully not continuing as the technicos have taken control! Meyer splashes Inquisidor to send him to the showers, and Paris follows up with a nice springboard moonsault to tie this up. The good news; the beat down is over! The bad news; it didn't last long enough for me to use the new joke I was going to break out!
10:20: Fall three begins with Paris and Inquisidor going fast. Inquisidor initially has control, but Paris gets it back with a sloppy headscissors and a running hurricanrana. Will he go for a dive?! Silly rabbit; dives are for matches 3 through 5! Jaguar and Meyer are now in.
10:21: Meyer does cool stuff and caps it off with a hurricarana off the apron to the floor...all while Inquisidor watches him do this to his partner two feet away. LOYALTY! Paris and Inquisidor back in.
10:22: It takes Inquisidor a minute to get Paris in a reverse Figure Four. See ya Paris! Meyer comes in, bravely fights off both guys for a moment, but ultimately gets caught by Jaguar as he goes for a hurricanrana, leading to Jaguar powerbombing his ass. Rudos win. Okay match. Paris wasn't that sharp and Jaguar was as enthralling as Jessica Alba doing King Lear, but I thought Meyer looked good and Polvora was fun masquerading as his brother. Hope he saved some energy to help General Rojo fend off the incompetence of Niebla Roja later!
10:25: I'm afraid I've got some mixed news! On the one hand, Asturiano (who's chill) and Rey Samuray (who's awesome) are in the next match. On the other, their opponents are a guy who's best quality is ripping off EVIL's entrance (Hijo del Signo) and a guy who stops being entertaining after his square dance entrance. Basically the technicos are Sami Zayn and the rudos are Finn Balor/Bobby Roode.
10:29: And we're off. Signo and...Samuray will start. My Grodd, it felt like the watching Star Trek: The Motion Picture all over again waiting to find out who was facing off with Signo.
10:31: Just sent my Kenny Omega obsessed friend Joe Brown the link to the show. Let's see how long it takes for CMLL to scar him!
10:32: Metalico and Asturiano are nose to nose, right as I notice Asturiano is wearing the same thing Baelish's prostitutes wear. I gotta lay off the GOT!
10:33: Actually some half decent lucha from these two. Just a reminder that Asturiano is really underrated.
10:35: Nothing's happening...nothing's happening...nothing's happening...and still nothing's happening. Signo finally breaks the monotony by kicking Asturiano as he hits the ropes and the rudo beat down is on.
10:37: This is...this is...this is...
10:38: Two things that just happened; Goldust turned heel on RAW and the rudos won fall one. I cared for neither development! Fall two has now began with the soul sucking rudo beat down continuing. Because why let the exciting technicos do anything when you can kill our spirits!
10:40: Metalico actually had Asturiano pinned and broke up the pin himself. Surely this will not backfire on him at all.
10:41: Metalico tosses Samuray in because of course he does. This better be leading to Samuray turning the tide in thirty seconds...and it's not as Metalico back drops him and sends Samuray retreating out of the ring.
10:42: FINALLY! Samuray comes from the stage to hit a springboard arm drag on Metalico, then plants Signo with a Wasteland so Asturiano can hit a gorgeous moonsault. Later Sig! Metalico comes back in, but Samuray wastes no time hitting a moonsault of his own to tie it up. See CMLL; that was much more fun then watching Metalico and Signo doing stomps for what felt like an hour. More of this in fall three please.
10:45: Samuray and Metalico start fall three and Samuray is showing off till he runs into a Metalico clothesline. He quickly recovers though and hits another fancy arm drag before teasing a dive. ENOUGH WITH THE DIVE TEASES DAMMIT! Signo and Asturiano will now fight.
10:46: Rinse and repeat; Asturiano shows off at first, Signo briefly takes control and then Asturiano takes control back. Metalico comes in, leading to Asturiano hitting a sloppy springboard Tornado DDT for a near fall.
10:47: Signo is in and hits a good neckbreaker on Asturiano. Samuray breaks it up, gets Signo down with a dropkick to the knees and hits a Lionsault. Metalico breaks that up, but can't get the advantage on Samuray...until he does with a sitout powerbomb. There goes Samuray.
10:48: Asturiano is in and he's trying to roll up Metalico with all his might. He can't, and Metalico puts him down with a Wasteland, followed by a Signo splash. Rudos win their second straight match. I think I speak for everyone when I post this meme regarding the result of this match.
10:51: Dammit CMLL; we really have to follow Metalico and Signo dragging the show down with Black Tiger? At least he's teaming with Lestat and Starman (two competent luchadors) to take on Policeman, Cancerbero and Raziel. Always good to have some decent double teams before the suffering takes over.
10:55: Raziel and...I missed the technico captain! Can you tell how poor this show is going thus far that it's already losing my attention. Cancerbero and Lestat will begin after Raziel teased starting.
10:57: Decent but uneventful work from those two. Black Tiger is in now to make us wish we could have more of that.
10:59: For a second I thought I saw a drone flying around Arena Puebla. Turns out it was just a dude selling glow sticks in the upper deck. Thought you'd like to know this.
11:01: I had to use the Scott Pilgrim joke last match. Dammit all. Mercifully the Tiger/Raziel sequences ends right after I say that. Starman and Policeman are in. Lot of "mans" in the ring.
11:03: Leave it to Starman and Policeman of all luchadors to get some pace going. They did though, and Starman keeps it up after sending him out of the ring, hitting Raziel with a great Monkey Flip. Sadly Policeman trips up Starman and gets pulled out, leading to Lestat having to come in to keep the momentum with a crossbody.
11:04: And that momentum didn't last long! Cancerbero and Raziel eventually gain full control and tap out both Lestat and Black Tiger. 1-0 rudos for the third straight match, which means we're getting a third straight rudo beat down for the majority of fall two.
11:06: Well at least we're getting some Raziel/Cancerbero double teams to start fall two. Not much, but I'm not complaining. It's like they say in the only good Pirates of the Caribbean movie; take what you can, give nothing back!
11:08: Lestat ends the rudo beat down at two minutes! A new record. Black Tiger then comes off the ropes with a hurricanrana that I was convinced would kill him and Raziel (it didn't). Starman then floors Policeman so Lestat can HOLY CRAP HE CRUSHED HIM WITH THAT SWANTON! Like legit, Policeman's ribs may be not suitable for Chili's. Needless to say that was the end of him, Black Tiger quickly rolled up Raziel to take care of him, we're now tied and I'll be holding onto that Lestat Swanton for years to come.
11:11: Raziel and Lestat going at it to start fall three. Lestat hits a great headscissors on Raziel then does another fake dive because DAMMIT ALL! I'll forgive Lestat because of that Swanton though. And yes, in case you're wondering, I'm above making an 11:11 joke. You're so lucky to have me.
11:12: Black Tiger is trying with Cancerbero. He's not succeeding, but at least he's trying. He's also out of the ring now so Starman can hit Policeman with spin kicks.
11:13: The coolest sequence of the night happens when Cancerbero rolls up Starman while he's going for a Romero Special and Starman rolling out so Lestat can hit Cancerbero with a top rope splash.
11:14: DIVES! AT LAST!
11:15: Starman and Policeman are alone in the ring. Starman nearly stole the match on a roll up, but Policeman got out at two. The rudo then puts Starman down with Wasteland, goes up top and hits a good looking splash to give the rudos their third straight victory of the night. WHAT DA HELL! I will say this was mostly enjoyable though, thanks to Lestat doing very well and despite Black Tiger being Black Tiger. Still, there's yet to be anything really watchable on this show.
11:17: We're onto match four. Stigma (who's been quite good recently), Rob Viper's hero Johnny Idol and Angel de Oro are taking on Niebla Roja and two thirds of Los Revolucionarios, Dragon Rojo Jr. and Polvora. Will Roja get along with his teammates? Find out...TODAY!
11:20: I was afraid Rojo's gun was going to explode on him when he fired! Heavy artillery there.
11:22: Angel de Oro (in his awesome black mask) and Niebla Roja are captains. Interesting call to have Roja as a captain. Roja and Stigma will start. No dissension yet.
11:24: Stigma and Roja do good work before Stigma sends the rudo to the floor with a headscissors. Roja had been acting rudo till that point, but he did shake hands with Stigma on the floor to continue that routine. Rojo and Oro are now in.
11:25: Seemed like there was some commotion there that caused Stigma to chase Polvora into the stands. It's settled now though as Oro and Rojo resume. Rojo is by the way doing the "title around the waist" motion, so perhaps he's looking to get back the CMLL World Middleweight Championsip Oro took from him.
11:26: Oro had control, but Polvora came in and kicked him to start another commotion. This time the rudos take advantage by attacking all three technicos. Roja seems onboard with the Revolucionarios too.
11:28: Rojo hits a shotgun dropkick to Oro's nads and that's all she wrote. Rudos take fall one for the fourth straight match. Okay stuff. It seemed like Roja and the Revolucionarios could be having issues at the end of the fall, but I didn't get a great look at it. He worked fine with them throughout the fall for what it's worth.
11:29: Fall two is on, with Rojo taking it to Stigma in ring, Polvora beating up Oro on the stage and Roja...standing on the apron.
11:31: Polvora and Roja take turns pulling Idol by the hair then boot him out of the ring. Polvora and Rojo then double team Stigma while Roja watches on. DISSENTION!
11:32: No sooner does that happen does Roja get "accidentally" hit by Polvora and Rojo and the comeback is on! The technicos get rid of Polvora and Rojo to isolate Roja, leading to Idol hitting a Lionsault on Roja to tie it up. Can the technicos finally win a match? Will Roja and Los Revolucionarios keep it together? Find out on the next exciting episode of THIRD FALL Z!!!!!
11:33: Fall three begins with Polvora and Angel de Oro in the ring.
11:34: Polvora wrecks Oro with a shoulder block, leading Rojo to come in and attempt to rip Oro's mask! Sadly the good news ends there, as Oro turns the tide after hitting the ropes...or he did till he tried a hurricanrana and Rojo (in a rare misstep), missed catching him.
11:35: Thankfully that move didn't phase anyone. Oro got right up fine, they continued on and Oro nicely finished his sequence. Stigma and Rojo are in now and the General just hit a huge big boot on Stigma!
11:36: GREAT dropkick from Stigma. That sends Rojo to the floor and Polvora/Roja into clean up the mess. The two rudos bicker a bit though, and that allows Stigma time to recover and turn the tide again.
11:37: I'm hoping Stigma has the nads to try Brillo Dorada here. Meanwhile Johnny Idol and Rojo are in, and it's rinse and repeat time as the rudo takes initial control before Idol inevitably takes it back in a minute.
11:38: And there it is! Idol crossbody's both Rojo and Polvora, sends Polvora to the floor and nails Rojo with two knees. He goes for the Lionsault, but Rojo ducks out. Oro and Roja time! BROTHER FIGHT!
11:39: TRIPLE PIN! All three rudos kick out.
11:40: Everyone but Stigma and Polvora is kicked out of the ring. Stigma tries to get a Code Red, but Polvora keeps him up long enough to hit a sitout powerbomb for a near fall. He gets Stigma into the corner, but the technico puts him on the top rope and hits a Backpack Stunner. WOW! Polvora is pinned by Stigma.
11:41: Rojo is in and he gets control back. Crowd is suddenly quite hot. Idol flips Stigma to the apron, kicks Rojo to the floor and hits a suicide dive.
11:42: The brothers Oro and Roja are back at it and ROJA PULLS OFF HIS BROTHER'S MASK! Low move by Niebla Roja! At least the technicos have their first win of the evening.
11:43: Angel de Oro has a mic and mentions all three rudos by name. Does he want a rematch next week? Rojo and Polvora immediately go after Oro while Roja looks on concerned. Polvora and Rojo then head to the back and Roja takes the mic. I have no idea what he said (you know I don't speak Spanish), but I wouldn't be surprised if it means he's taking on his brother next week. In any event, this match was fine. Most notable fact Niebla Roja working more as a rudo than usual and still having issues with his teammates anyway. Looks like no Revolucionarios for Roja.
11:47: One more till the big one. Valiente, Rush and Mistico are taking on Euforia, Ultimo Guerrero and Mr. Niebla. Why is Rush on the technico side?
11:51: We are living in a world where Mr. Niebla was chosen to be a rudo captain over Ultimo Guerrero. What in the blazes?! Mistico is technico captain by the by. Rush and Niebla are face to face, which makes you wonder if that's the match this match will set up.
11:52: UG and Mistico will start. I bet this is the best sequence of the night to this point.
11:53: A minute in and UG puts on an Ankle Lock. Told you this would be the best segment of the night to this point! And it gets even better as UG rolls Mistico out of the ring while keeping the lock on! We're back in now and Mistico is picking up the pace with ah hurricanrana.
11:54: Niebla goes to Rush's corner and cold cocks him! He then chases Rush into the stands as UG and Big Euf take control. Are you ready for Rush-Niebla?!
11:56: Niebla finally brings Rush back to the ring after UG and Big Euf have disposed of Mistico and Valiente. Niebla cold cocks Rush again and then again, softening him up for UG to slam Rush down so Niebla can hit a second rope senton. Lights out Rush! Mistico comes in to avenge his brother, but instead gets a Pulpo Guerrero for his trouble. We have now reached the fifth straight match the rudos have won fall one, meaning (unless you count Negro Casas as a one night technico) the rudos will win the first fall of every match tonight. How about that?
11:57: Rudo dominance continues into fall two, with UG hitting Mistico with the corner senton. I'm happy to report Valiente has the singlet on again by the way. It's not pants, but it's better than the near nude look he's been rocking.
11:58: Rush now getting double teamed...until he's not, leading to the first instance of this meme tonight!
11:59: Mistico and Valiente take flight in ring while Rush chases Niebla out of the ring. This leads to Valiente tapping out Big Euf with a Tequila Sunrise while Mistico gets UG with La Mistica. We're tied and were moving quickly to wrap this up.
12:00: Rush and Niebla will start fall three. Despite Niebla rudoing it up throughout the match, the crowd is FULLY behind him. The Rush heat is real sports fans. The two exchange strikes, with Niebla in particular chopping Rush hard.
12:01: DID HE JUST SPIT IN RUSH'S FACE?! AND DID RUSH JUST KICK THE PARROT?!
12:02: The fun is over as Mistico is in to send Big Euf to the floor. Valiente then sends UG to the floor and we've got two dives so Niebla and Rush can go at it to set up their match. They go at it for a moment before Niebla runs into the ref, allowing Rush to low blow him and get the pin when Pompin quickly gets back up. Technicos win their second straight match and we have Rush-Niebla set for one of the next few shows. I'm strangely excited for that, which is more than I can say for this match.
12:04: There strangely was no promo after the match, although Niebla did stay in the ring trying to get Rush back in while Rush taunted him from the stage. Either we missed the challenge, or they're waiting for next week to do the match. Who knows?
12:05: And who cares?! The main event and our only hope for a great match is here, as Negro Casas challenges Mephisto for the CMLL World Welterweight Championship. One Welterweight Title in CMLL has changed in the last week; will another?
12:08: Casas has Hijo del Signo as his second, while Mephisto has Cancerbero as his. Interesting choices.
12:09: We're off and on the mat. Luckily this will be better than every other mat sequence tonight because Negro Casas is the GOAT, Mephisto is awesome and both guys get how to sell shit properly.
12:10: Mephisto has had Casas in an arm wrench for a few minutes now. Casas finally gets out and takes it back to the ground to try and work the legs. It doesn't work though as Mephisto gets a few near falls on roll ups, and then picks Casas up and jams him with a sitout cradle slam. That's all she wrote for fall one as the champ gets the early lead. Decent start.
12:12: Fall two is under way and Mephisto has Casas' arm wrenched in the ropes. He drapes the arm over the ropes and drops down to the floor. I like them working the arm here.
12:13: Casas rolls Mephisto away, but he immediately grabs the arm, allowing Mephisto to jump back and take control again. Casas grabs onto the ropes as Mephisto wrenches the arm against them again.
12:14: I can see why Signo was chosen by Casas to be his second; the dude is really animated at ring side! The crowd also comes alive for Casas, who uses it to his advantage by reversing an Irish Whip, slamming Mephisto down and getting the Sharpshooter for a submission. We're tied. Wonderful touch after the fall by Casas; Tirantes went to lift his left arm, only Casas sold it like he was in real pain and forced Tirantes to raise his other arm. This is why he's the GOAT kids.
12:16: Fall three is underway and Mephisto is on the floor, taking time to regain his bearings. He gets back in before the count starts though as the crowd goes nuts for Casas. They exchange slaps till Mephisto hits the arm again.
12:17: Casas regains control with arm drags and then hits a hurricanrana roll up! Only two. Casas tires another roll up but Mephisto gets out. Casas ends up on the apron, Mephisto slides out of the ring (slowly), Casas kicks him and that's a running senton off the apron!
12:18: Casas throws Mephisto back in and motions for the belt. They exchange hands while Casas is on the apron and Casas wins the exchange, allowing to go to the top! Mephisto is up quickly though and he hits Casas with a superplex for a near fall. Big ups to 57 year old Casas taking a superplex!
12:19: Mephisto places Casas back on the turnbuckle and picks him up to hit a kneel down Muscle Buster. Another near fall. Mephisto is rapidly running out of bullets.
12:20: Mephisto now going up top, but is distracted by the fans chanting for Casas. He goes for the senton and misses! Casas goes for the cover, but it's only two, with Casas looking like he wants to off Tirantes after the count.
12:21: Casas with a DDT and a Scorpion Death Drop! THE GOAT BABY! Only a near fall though.
12:22: Casas briefly works the leg and then goes for La Casita. HE GETS IT! But Mephisto is out at two and now Casas is low on bullets. Casas then goes for the Sharpshooter, but Mephisto gets out. The battle eventually leads them both to the corner, up to the top and OH NO! Devil's Wings by Mephisto and that's all she wrote. Mephisto retains the CMLL World Welterweight Championship. A good main event, though this wasn't Mephisto's best. He seemed to be off at times and didn't click with Casas at all times. Even still, Negro Casas is too good to have a bad match in this situation and the guys had some really good sequences. Give them another shot and I think they could deliver something really worthwhile.
Well that's it sports fans. Overall this was a skippable show till the main event and my goodness did my will to have fun die as this show went along (you could probably tell). Hey, at least the show has been documented in some form right? With that I will now depart for sleep, but I'll be back tomorrow to review the Tuesday show, either with another Running Diary or a review afterwards. Depends on my mood. Till we meet again, THIS!