Funny Tennis Jokes and Quotes
Anyone For Tennis?
History of Tennis:
Known as the sport of kings, the modern game of tennis began in Birmingham, England as far back as the late 19th century. Believe it or not, the rules of the game have not changed dramatically over the years and it has enticed millions of fans worldwide.
Tennis is one of the Summer Olympic sports and has been a welcome addition to the Paralympics programme since 1992. The Grand Slam tournament , also commonly known as "The Majors" is the most prestigious of titles to win for players and consists of ~
The Australian Open - Melbourne, Australia (played on hard courts)
The French Open - Paris, France (played on red clay courts)
Wimbledon - London, England (played on grass courts)
The US Open - New York, USA (played on hard courts)
Growing up, I remember developing a passionate interest in learning this racket sport that had the great characters and personalities of the game. McEnroe, Connors and Nastase were often the culprits when it came to creating headline news and not necessarily for their skilful play.
There have been many great players through the years in both the men's and women's game. Funny Quotes have long been remembered and noted in Sport, tennis is no exception so here are a few famous and not so famous humorous jokes and quotes as way of a tribute to the Great and the Memorable.
Billie Jean King
Billie Jean King
Tennis is a perfect combination of violent action taking place in an atmosphere of total tranquility.
When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40's shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait to reach 50 to start again.
I would so like to be Lenny Kravitz
When the Williams sisters play tennis it gets pretty hot. When they start grunting, I'm in.
An otherwise happily married couple may turn a mixed doubles game into a scene from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.
You cannot be SERIOUS!
Tennis; a racket sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight and the slowest watch.
Good shot, bad luck and hell are the five basic words to be used in a game of tennis, though these, of course, can be slightly amplified.
Billie Jean King
Ladies, here's a hint. If you're up against a girl with big boobs, bring her to the net and make her hit backhand volleys. That's the hardest shot for the well-endowed.
The serve was invented so the net could play.
The difference between involvement and commitment is like ham and eggs. The chicken is involved; the pig is committed.
Played tennis for years. But you can't improve at tennis after you're 50. You get to be in your 40's, and suddenly you're a doubles player.
'Oh and Oh' is a tennis term . . . . It's a nice way of saying you took your opponent to pieces.
Memories of Wimbledon
My Own Funny Story - The Wimbledon Groupies
Back in 1991, two major fans of the tennis game, namely me and my friend Miriam, set sail across the Irish Sea from Dublin to the Welsh Port of Hollyhead.
From there it was a train to London followed by the underground tube to SW19, otherwise known as Wimbledon.
Having pre-booked accommodation in the village of Wimbledon, we were all set for 3 days of non stop tennis where would finally see our idols of the tennis world in living colour.
The first morning of the championship, the owners of our bed and breakfast offered to drive us to the stadium. We were over the moon as we wanted to be there at 4.30 am! Our early attendance was necessary in order to queue for tickets.
So we joined (yes, JOINED) the existing bodies in the queue, not paying too much heed with goings on.
All we were focused on was Who would we see! I was wondering would I get to see ice cool Lendl or swoon over Pat Cash, the sex on legs Aussie?
After what seemed like an eternity, 3 hours after starting to queue, we became more conscious of what was going on around us, we were finally starting to wake up after travelling the best part of 24 hours.
The first thing that struck us was how well all the other fans in the queue were dressed.
We were dressed in our track suits, newly purchased Wimbledon t-shirts, stylish trainers and baseball caps.
The other stalwart followers of the game were dressed in neat, immaculate looking crisp white shirts and well pressed black skirts or trousers. A little over the top for serious queuing maybe?
The next thing we noticed was we were the only ones sitting on the ground on our picnic rug, flasks of coffee at the ready.
How odd, did we not normally see the die hard fans queuing at this event every year on the BBC news and were they not sitting in camp chairs, on rugs and even in tents?
Something wasn’t ringing true so I decided to take a wander up the queue and see if I could find some answer to these questions.
At the top of the queue, some hundreds of bodies later, the reason for our puzzlement became crystal clear. There I was met by a sign saying “All those attending Interviews today, please queue here.”
We had been in the WRONG QUEUE.
We asked one of the beautifully attired people where OUR queue was and they indicated it was around the other side of the complex.
Wishing them all the best for their interview, we left rather sheepishly under the guise of our baseball hats and then had a great laugh over it!
Only to us would this have happened to . . . . The things you have to do to be a Tennis Groupie!
Our first day there we saw not a tennis ball hit - rain, rain and more rain! Typical Wimbledon weather we have all come to expect.
Instead we had to drown our sorrows in a few beverages and sample the customary strawberries and cream. Thankfully our prayers were answered for days 2 and 3 when we saw non stop action on the courts.
Did I get to see my idol Lendl? No, Day 1 saw to that I'm afraid but I did get to see and photograph a bare chested sexy Aussie by the name of Pat Cash!
After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on America's recreational preferences:
1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: basketball
2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: bowling
3. The sport of choice for blue-collar workers is: football
4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: baseball
5. The sport of choice for middle management is: tennis
6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: golf
Conclusion: The higher you rise in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become!
A Few Tennis One Liners:
Q How many tennis players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A What do you mean the bulb was out?? It wasn't out it. It was in!
Q Why should you never fall in love with a tennis player?
A To them "love" means nothing!
Q Where is the first tennis match mentioned in the Bible?
A When Joseph served in Pharaoh's court!
A Quick Poll
Who do you consider the greatest tennis player of all time?
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© 2012 Suzanne Ridgeway