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Getting fit again? Impossible, I thought
My first night of gym, coming back home with shaky hands
Since childhood I have been obsessed with exercising. When I was 10 years old I started going Kung Fu, when I was 12 I started boxing and by the time I was 13 my obsession with bodybuilding grew. I remember my first night of gym, coming back home with shaky hands. Since I used to live in Pakistan it was very hard to eat good foods. I used beg my siblings for money so I could buy bananas and make myself smoothie after the gym. I just wanted to get big and used to train everyday regularly.
Gym workout helped cope with my stress and anxiety
Growing up can be hard at times. I started seeing the ugly and dark side of this world as part of growing up. Gym was the only place where I could forget all my worries, exert all my anger and stress. The euphoric feeling after leaving gym cannot be explained by words.
8 months of gym, results motivated more
Start of gym life in Australia
As I moved to Australia, it took me a while to get back on track. Australia was the place where I thought I could only dream of going gym. But it actually happened. Here I could get to eat good food and get any type of nutritions. I had no excuse. In 2010, I started going to my local gym. I loved the gym and the good vibe. I wanted to build a lean and toned body for summer and I achieved the result very quickly.
I switched to kick boxing
I started going to kick boxing gym, where I started training hard. Within a few months I was able to gain my stamina and fitness back. Kick boxing was the best thing that happened in 2011. I gained a lot of confidence and loved the sweat and hard work. Getting in the ring and fighting was the only thing I used to look forward to every day. I thought things will stay as it is. Little did I know what life has to offer me next.
By this time I was fit and strong
August 2011 was a turning point for me
Late in August 2011 I lost my brother in a suicide terrorist attack in Pakistan. The devastation, pain and anger took over me. Kick boxing gym was where I punched everything out of me. Depression, post traumatic stress and the pressure of studies forced to take a break from the gym. Taking break from the gym meant losing the motivation. Life became meaningless for me and this world colourless. I was left no reason to live and had no reason to wake up every morning. I started becoming anti-social by prisoning myself in my room. I never thought I will gain any weight or there will be a day I will not be fit anymore. I started feeling the change after everyone's reaction of telling me that I had gained weight.
I briefly started going gym in December 2012 in order to get fit for my fitness test for Australian Defence Force. I Continued going gym casually till mid 2013. Unfortunately I did not have the same fire in me once I had. I had no desire in me to stay in shape. I didn't know I was making a big mistake and I will regret it all.
I seemed hopeless, January 2014
My whole life was disrupted
I stopped caring about myself, my health and my fitness. I used to come university and succumbed to the temptations of fast food. I kept eating all the junk food and had no physical activity at all. I started gaining more weight, everyday my body required more food, I started getting hungry more and more. Getting hungry meant I needed more food. The change in me was very dramatic. My clothes stopped fitting me, I still kept eating junk food ignoring all these signs of danger. I started struggling climbing stairs, even standing in the train and walking around. Nothing felt better than lying in bed, watching movies and eating junk food.
I reached to a point where every aspect of life was affected due to the sudden weight gain. Unhealthy lifestyle took me backwards, I started struggling with my studies and with my social life, I lost my confidence and self-esteem. My unhealthy lifestyle lead to get acute appendicitis (and other health issues) and receive an operation. The surgery further pushed me back and took me a while to recover. There was nothing hurtful then receiving comments from everyone that I have 'gone fat' and not being able to wear nice clothes and look good.
I ended up in hospital a number of times
A new era, March 2015
At this stage I would drive about 500 meters to the shops instead of walking. I kept sinking into this blackhole and could not dare to weigh myself as I knew I will be shocked.
Finally in January 2015 I weight myself and I was 105kg. To me everything sounded irreversible and I could not see a way back. The only out of this unhealthy lifestyle was to believe in myself, look back in the past of how I was and I had to restart. However this time it seemed harder than before.
Getting fit again was what I wanted most
I started working out in my apartment gym with not many equipments. I slowly and steadily began working out and made sure I stick to gym. Initially it all seemed impossible, but day by day I felt the progress mentally and physically. I could feel the same fire in me as I used to, I started once again falling in love with the smell of sweat in the gym and cycling and running with the beat of music was euphoric . I wanted to be able to wear good clothes again, I wanted to look good again and live a healthy lifestyle. With a very strong mindset and passion I started feeling the change. Seeing the good changes made me to push even further. My shortest workout session was never less than 3 hours.
Rebirth, November 2015
I was in it again
Everyday was a new day and I had to take most out of that day. Seeing myself getting into shape made me happy and I started gaining my confidence back.
March 2016, Perseverance
'To shape your body is to shape your life'
The quote 'To shape your body is to shape your life' was written on the wall of the gym in Pakistan. Now I understand its significance. At this stage I am still pursuing to reach my goals, I train 6 days a week and I weigh 80kg. Having lost 25kg, I want to lose another 5kg and preserve myself by eating clean and sticking to my exercise. My healthy lifestyle now has helped stay on top of everything.
A healthy lifestyle means a happy life. I have always managed to deal with my stress in the gym, life is very unpredictable, you never know what is ahead of you, there is always hardship, loss and tragedies. You have to constantly fight, fight against your desires, the desires that lead you towards negativity and darkness. Resist things that stop reaching your goals. Yes the burger tastes nice and sleeping in bed all day feels good but you never know what kind of damage you're causing to your health, mentally and physically. For sure there are those who laugh at you, do not believe in you, keep putting you down and do not want you succeed. Make all the negativity around you a source of motivation. When you are healthy you enjoy eating, sleeping and every other aspect of life. Get in the gym, go with the flow and rhythm of music, release all your negativity, stress and anger. I promise you there is no better feeling than feeling light and fresh after a good workout session.
My journey was not nice. I have been there and I have felt it. The reason I have written this blog is I do not want anyone to get where I was. You deserve to live a healthy life!
Get out there, get things done, believe in yourself, set yourself goals and achieve. It is not as hard as your fear has amplified it for you. Your fear is stoping you from being great. You can defeat your fear, it is easy.