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Hey WWE Fans, Here’s 20 Reasons Why Your Life Needs More Lucha…
1. Have you watched RAW lately? For the love of Todd Chrisley, we could end this list right there!
2. LU took Big Ryck (aka Ezekiel Jackson) and turned the dude into an engaging TV character last season so there’s hope yet for an inadequacy like Strowman if the right group of Hollywood writers get a hold of him. In fact, I know just the guy to call if Braun’s ever in the area…
3. Unlike RAW, a disappointing episode of Lucha Underground is an exception to the norm (not normally expected).
4. In terms of machines, Ryback’s damn near obsolete when stood next to Cage. Granted the Big Guy’s promos are far more robotic (seriously it sounds like he’s speaking in morse code half the time).
5. LU fits more storyline development into one hour than WWE does in one week‘s worth of programming. Even priced at $9.99, that’s hardly a bargain.
6. Dario Cueto’s not only a genius businessman with dark secrets but an excellent promoter who stops at nothing to sell his goods to the public. Its like Vince mouth raped Armando Estrada and we somehow benefited from the exchange.
7. As talented as Kevin Dunn is on the production end of things, he’s a hack compared to Robert Rodriquez. The proof is in the cut scenes.
8. Johnny Mundo’s proven that Vince is an asshole who doesn‘t always know how to put butts in the seats. VKM can’t even sell out a stadium for WrestleMania that he’s had twelve whole months to build. Hence why the stage sets get bigger and more elaborate each year.
9. Mil Muertes is a better deadman than The Undertaker. Oh and the person controlling him is also a helluva lot nicer to look at than Paul Bearer.
10. Forget your Divas Revolution. The women of Lucha Underground are genuinely treated as equals amongst their male counterparts. How so?
10a) With no authority around to run the show, Catrina patrolled the Temple for the first nine episodes of Season Dos and did a damn fine job.
10b) Chavo Guerrero blasted Sexy Star over the head with a steel chair just like the three or four luchadors who befell the same fate moments before her.
10c) Cage stiffed Mundo’s girl Taya so hard, Johnny probably had flashbacks to when Batista pulverized Melina off-camera.
11. A unique opportunity isn’t just a briefcase full of dead-end
jobs (go seek employment in Boyle Heights, Sandow!).
12. LU made Rey Mysterio relevant and interesting again in 5 minutes which is something WWE failed to do for 5 years.
13. If your head is still reeling from the retirement of Daniel Bryan, there’s no need to have a mental breakdown. Son of Havoc’s journey on the open road has more or less paralleled Danielson’s WWE run (which I chronicle in further detail here: http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php/2604-fyi-Your-Loss-Their-Gain-(Dieting-on-Guilty-Pleasures)).
14. Instead of darting off in every direction like an Easter egg hunt, LU’s plot points intertwine and intersect without it scrambling your brains.
15. Chris DeJoseph & Co. have put a fresh spin on recycled gimmick matches and they deliver more often than my favorite Chinese restaurant. Grave Consequences, Cero Miedo, Death Comes in Threes… all critically acclaimed. Aztec Warfare is what the modern day Royal Rumble should resemble but Vince’s too consumed with ancient philosophies and constructing it around the Roman Empire.
16. If it were a race, Melissa Santos has Lilian Garcia beaten by several strides. Both in terms of delivery and overall sex appeal. Not to crap on Lilian who’s been transcendent in her own right. I mean she certainly deserves a spot on the Mount Rushmore of horse faces!
17. When they’ve got a good thing going, LU doesn’t nix it… they run with it. WWE however is notorious for splitting teams without having a clear path for either individual to follow. PTP are a prime example of this. Between he and Young, Titus was clearly the one to push but something tells me there won’t be doing much pushing or pulling in his future endeavors. Not unless Batista’s opinion counts for something.
18. Striker and Vampiro are a complete announce team. One provides play-by-play while the other gives his unique insight as a former wrestler. It’s not a crowded table as far as occupants and electronics go. They keep it simple yet effective. RAW’s broadcast booth however is an absolute clusterfuck. JBL should be used strictly as a road agent, Byron Saxton should be nothing but a fly-on-the-wall interviewer and Michael Cole should go work for a home shopping network.
19. This thing you’ve got going on with WWE is an open relationship. They’ll crawl into bed with anyone who fulfills their needs so why not explore your options? Let the eyes wander and see what else is out there. Why remain loyal to someone who doesn’t keep their promises? Mingle dammit!
20. The accessibility. My buddy Cult Icon interacts regularly with LU wrestlers and writers on Twitter. I wrote WWE this letter last August (http://www.lordsofpain.tv/showthread.php/2593-fyi-This-Pucha-Slept-with-Lucha) and they didn’t so much as send me a care package or some Roman Reigns merchandise! Can you believe that???