"Jimmy Bo"'s 10 Reasons why his Fishing Trip was Quite the Nightmare
Let's Talk for a Moment
about fishing. I don't think that this subject needs an explanation. I venture to say that the majority of Americans know about fishing or something about fishing. There are all types of fishing. Cane fishing, fly fishing, bass fishing, commercial fishing, and even fishing for a compliment. Fishing, again I venture to say, has a secure place in our society as Americans.
Now Introducing the
"meat on the bone," as it were. I want us to do a little bit of imagining here for a few moments. One day, "Jimmy Bo," a fair hand with a fishing pole, struck out from his rural home in some part of Georgia, Cobb County, I think. "Jimmy Bo" had waited patiently all winter for "this" day to arrive. This day was "Jimmy Bo's" favorite day because it was the first day of fishing season for his area of Georgia. This was the only day that good ol' "Jimmy Bo" left most of his responsibilities behind--his wife, "Jenny June," who was "Miss Georgia 1966," and still a looker at her age, their two boys, "Jimmy Bo, Jr." and "Stevie Sam," who was a born bookworm and bound for a teaching job at Georgia Tech when he was a grown man.
No sooner than "Jenny June" kissed the air in "Jimmy Bo's" direction as he jumped into his 1976 Ford pickup truck (with one rusted fender) and set out for his secret fishing hole which was so secret that sometimes "Jimmy Bo" would forget where it was located. But we can attribute this to "Jimmy Bo's" excessive love for cold beer.
Back to what I was saying about "Jenny June" kissing the air in "Jimmy Bo's" direction. Well, when she had finished acting out her kiss like she did on the night she won the coveted-title of "Miss Georgia," she heard a familiar rumbling in the front yard. Upon a closer look out of her living room window she gasped in disbelief.
"Jimm Bo!,' what in tarnation are you doing back?" normally "Jenny June" didn't let small things upset her, but this was no small thing. "Jenny June" had big plans for this day. She was leaving the boys with her divorcee sister, "Sissy Sue," who never won anything and we won't tell why. And "Jenny June" had her heart set on getting a pedicure, manicure, and a long, enjoyable visit to the local spa. Yes, this was "Jenny June's" day until "Jimmy Bo's" beaten-up truck rolled up in the yard.
"Dang it. Did not catch one Bream! Did not get one bite, mind you, woman. Not one bite," "Jimmy Bo" explained with the authority of any southern guy trying to inject a bit of his hero, the late columnist, Lewis Grizzard.
"Geez, why not hun-eeee?" "Jenny June" asked and was really just going through the motions for she did not really care why the fish were not biting at all.
"Jenny June, fetch me a cold 'un and I will tell you ten reasons why I did not get one bite!"
Thanks, "Jimmy Bo,"and here the reasons are why he did not get one bite:
Ready for "Jimmy Bo's"'s Nightmare-of-a-Fishing-Trip?
10. Bait: every fisherman knows to use the right kind of bait when he hits the water for a day of fishing. "Jimmy Bo," a bit hung over from the night before, stopped at "Grady's Bait Shop" on the way to his secret fishing hole and the owner, one "Grady Walls," a retired State of Georgia Highway Dept. employee, stuck "Jimmy Bo" with some ruined bait and he did it on purpose for how "Jimmy Bo" bragged two weeks ago when they were in a heated game of "Texas Hold 'Em," and "Grady" lost all but his Hanes briefs to a slick "Jimmy Bo." So selling "Jimmy Bo" some ruined bait was due payback.
9. Concentration: bait was not the only reason "Jimmy Bo" didn't get a bite. This one "Jimmy Bo" probably didn't tell "Jenny June." On the side of the lake was a girl named "Marlene Booker," a girl who was well-known about town as having little or no morals. But that did not have anything to do with "Jimmy Bo's" lack of catching a fish. What did cause him to lose concentration was this "Marlene" girl laying stretched out on a Georgia Bulldogs blanket and showing off her two-piece bathing suit as she rubbed herself down with some sun screen. Yep. "Jimmy Bo" was certainly distracted alright. And so was every male who was on the lake that day.
8.) Leaks: in a fisherman's trusty boat can cause stress. "Jimmy Bo's" lucky boat that he and his best friend, "Hal Tinker," an unemployed convenience store employee (currently) built out of spare lumber and other items they retrieved from the landfill not far from their town. In "Jimmy Bo's" frustration and loss of focus while ogling "Marlene," he forgot to check the hole in the bottom of the boat and sure as fish love red worms, she started leaking. "Jimmy Bo's" boat. Not "Marlene."
7.) Fish hooks: when lodged in a person's leg can be down right painful. Yep. Clalk one more up for "Marlene" for as "Jimmy Bo" was settling into a good ogle of her athletic frame, he did not watch the direction he cast from his Zebco 33 and sure enough, the Eagle Claw (a real brand name for fish hooks) set securely in "Jimmy Bo's" right thigh. He didn't yell out of pain although it hurt worse than his mother-in-law moving in with him, he knew that if her were to impress "Marlene" he was not to scream. But he did gyrate back and forth enough to cause small waves in the place where he was fishing and this caused the fish to get lost.
6.) Heavy drinking: the night before a true southern fisherman goes fishing can lead to drowsiness in the day ahead. And "Jimmy Bo" did nod off a few times. So much so that once he let his Zebco 33 slip from his right hand and fall into the lake, but a quick-thinking "Bob Ball" whom I can tell you now went with "Jimmy Bo" to help him find his secret fishing hole, jumped into the cold water and in nothing flat, he rescued "Jimmy Bo's" Zebco 33 and that was that. And still, neither guy got one bite.
5.) "Bob Ball's": story telling drove "Jimmy Bo" into an angry rage causing him to yell, "Bob! I love the story about you dating Jennifer Love Hewitt before she was famous, but would you please shut up!" And poor "Bob Ball," stopped his ratchet jawing and with his feelings crushed, never said another word until "Jimmy Bo" knew that this trip was a bust.
4.) Faulty: fishing line in "Jimmy Bo's" Zebco 33 was another reason that he or "Bob Ball" did not get one bite. You see. "Jimmy Bo" is a busy, busy man when fishing season is not in effect. He sells cemetery plots from his office in "Duncan's Funeral Home." "Jimmy Bo's" dad had clout enough to get him this job when he and "Jenny June" first married. But one thing "Jimmy Bo" neglected to do this year was check his fishing line in his reel and for some reason, I am guessing rats, got into the Zebco 33 and almost chewed through the nylon line. This led to the line tangling and sending "Jimmy Bo" into another fit of rage just like the one he had at "Bob Ball." And still no bites.
3.) Cell phones--can be a nuisance or a time-saving appliance. In "Jimmy Bo's" case, his cell phone was a nuisance. "Jimmy Bo's" boss, one "Mr. L.D. Duncan," owner of "Duncan Funeral Home," who also loved to drink beer, forgot that "Jimmy Bo" did not work on Saturdays and called his cell phone continually until an angry "Jimmy Bo" answered and straightened "Mr. Duncan" out. You guessed it. Still no bites. And still no more stories from "Bob Ball."
2.) A pretty girl's: style of waving at a man can cause any guy to lose all signs of fulfilling whatever goal he is pursuing. In "Jimmy Bo's" case, he wanted to catch the most fish on the first day of fishing season, but that goal was smacked when the pretty "Marlene" raised up and waved in "Jimmy Bo's" direction. As she waved, the breeze caught her long auburn hair (just like in the movies) and she had to use an attractive head movement to get the hair out of her eyes. "Jimmy Bo" waved back like a wild man. But soon he would see the error of his wave. "Marlene" was actually waving at "Bob Ball," whom she went out with last weekend. Bites? You kidding? Bites. (a Jim Mora, Sr. impression).
1.) Fishing license: is a must for any fisherman to enjoy a day of fishing, relaxing, and letting his troubles drift away. I do not have the heart to say it. But "Jimmy Bo" was almost given a stiff ticket by the Fish and Game officer who just happened to be patrolling the lake when "Jimmy Bo" and "Bob Ball" were at least trying to fish. The officer wanted to make a few brownie points with his new department manager and nab a few unlicensed fishermen on the first day of fishing season. But thanks to "Bob Ball," being to honest and forthright with the Fish and Game officer, "Jimmy Bo" was let go with just a mild warning.
And no bites for "Jimmy Bo."
But "Bob Ball" had a great first day of fishing season. He did not forget his fishing license. In the quiet time he had thanks to "Jimmy Bo" cursing him about his story-telling and then telling him to shut up, he managed to catch his limit which "Jimmy Bo" did not see.
The only thing that "bites" is "Jimmy Bo's" life.
Good night, Aliceville, Alabama. FYI: Aliceville is a real place.
Although this hub is entitled a man, "Jimmy Bo," and a best buddy, headed out for a big day of fishing, the fact is despite the fact that the model (above) is really pretty and has a fishing rod in her hand does not have any affect on why she is dressed in a two-piece swimming suit.
© 2017 Kenneth Avery