Thirteen More Wrestlers Who Should Join Lucha Underground
Remember that time many, many moons ago where I wrote about thirteen people who should wrestle for Lucha Underground? Well, seeing as the LU is now making it’s triumphant in a couple of weeks, I thought, why not find thirteen more fortunate souls who could give it a go in the Temple? Thus, here we are. Just like last time, I’ve found thirteen really, REALLY good wrestlers from across the globe who would fit perfectly in the LU if given the chance. Unlike last time, I will do my best to feature people who aren’t exactly tied down to any one promotion, and I won’t be ranking them. Why not? Partially because that would make it seem like some are more important gets than the other, and partially because I just don’t feel like it. It’s my party, I’ll do what I want! So with that, crack open a cold one, enjoy the music, and most importantly, enjoy this column. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Thirteen More Wrestlers Who Should Join Lucha Underground
Zack Sabre Jr.
Have you ever wanted to know what the British Bryan Danielson would be like? Meet Zack Sabre! Believe me when I tell you that this man is a legit beast. His submission skills are is sublime; like, he actually puts arm bars on people while they’re flying through the air! His strikes are a cross between Danielson’s and Hideo Itami. Perhaps most importantly, the dude just won the PWG Battle of Los Angeles just a month ago, where he defeated arm breaker, heart breaker and just overall bad ass Pentagon Jr. on his way to glory. This is a guy who just needs to be put on television for the world to see just how good he is.
“Speedball” Mikey Bailey
You can never have enough solid underdogs in your wrestling promotion. “Speedball” here is perhaps the perfect underdog. For one, I look like a pro wrestler more than he does. That’s no disrespect, but the dude is, to quote 2003 Hollywood Rock, a hundred pounds of nothing, five foot nothing. Hell, he made Drew Galloway look like a seven foot giant when he fought him at BOLA. Look at this.
All that aside though, this Bailey kid is great in the ring. He’s got a nice striking game thanks to a martial arts background. He can mat wrestle. Most importantly, none of that matters because the dude’s finisher is a SHOOTING STAR FLYING DOUBLE KNEE! Let me repeat, A SHOOTING STAR FLYING DOUBLE KNEE! That’s sort of greatness you only find in David Lean films, Paige and the guitar solo from the Pink Floyd song “Time”. You add that with “Speedballs” great nickname and excellent BOLA performance and this is a no brainer. Plus, him ultimately proving El Jefe wrong would be great. And you just know El Jefe is going to pick on him; someone has to take Son of Havoc’s place eventually right?
Rey Mysterio Jr.
A no brainer, because a) Rey is more than likely going to appear in season two, b) his popularity would be a big boost for the LU in regards to drawing new fans in and c) Rey is more than likely going to appear in season two. Great, I’m repeating myself now. Despite that, I think Rey can be pretty fun in the Temple. It’s not going to be like the WWE or WCW days, but he can still go, and him vs. Pentagon Jr. is a match I can definitely get behind. Not just because it be good, but because Vampiro can finally get revenge for Rey and the Filthy Animals defeating him and the ICP all the way back in WCW. Would you believe me if I told you that was perhaps the most entertaining thing about 1999 WCW?
Simple; the world needs Chris Hero on TV, and LU is the perfect place for it. Plus, don’t you want to see a rudo Hero in the Temple? You could put him and Cage together, find one more guy, and you’ve then got the most annoying, bad ass trios team in the history of the western hemisphere. Just anything that leads to more Cage. I NEED MORE CAGE DAMMIT!
You remember Evan Bourne from WWE? Remember how he was pretty damn good for a long time before out of the ring issues and foot injury derailed his momentum? Well, he still wrestles (under his original indie name Matt Sydal), fits the LU style to an absolute T and now has a more interesting look and personality than before. In short, someone get him on the phone. Find Matt! Or is it Find Evan? I’m so confused!
This will be a controversial one, mainly because people still remember Myzteziz from his time in WWE, which went over as well as the premier of Heaven’s Gate back in 1980. Much like Mysterio however, the former Mistico/Sin Cara does bring a certain value. He has name recognition in both the US and Mexico, which will help draw at least some people. He did have a good match with Mysterio just a month ago at Triplemania, and was once considered to be one of the top wrestlers in the world. Best of all, the LU edits, which means that if he does happen to have one or two of those infamous botches (seriously, did he really botch that much?), it can be hidden. Plus, could you imagine them doing Myzteziz vs. Mysterio in the Temple at one point? That’s a big time match that could do well. It’s no Myzteziz vs. Sin Cara vs. Mistico match for the bragging rights of the best incarnation of that gimmick (yes, three people do the Mistico gimmick. I don’t believe it either), but it’s pretty good.
The Young Bucks
It’ll never happen, mainly because them Jackson boys already declined to appear for the LU last year and I doubt the price range has suddenly gone down. But hey, who wouldn’t want to see the best tag team in the world wrestle in the Temple? Hell, forget that Hero-Cage alliance I talked about earlier; imagine if you put the Bucks with Cage. The rudo heat would be at Nicolas Cage in Drive Angry levels of hot. Friggin A, why does Nicolas Cage keep coming up here? He's worse than those damn bees.
I know, I know, I know; Cult, why do you have Paige’s mom in this column? Are you asking for trouble? Do you really think she would go work for a company that is at least on some level competing for attention with the one her daughter works for? To answer your questions in reverse order; as Lucha Underground isn’t really competing with WWE (their words, not mine), I don’t see it being a big deal, and thus, I don’t think I’m asking for trouble. Which I would know I was in right away, as Sweet Saraya is apparently the bad ass to end all bad asses and could probably turn me into the stuff that comes out of the meat grinder in the music video for “Another Brick in the Wall”. Man, really on a Pink Floyd kick today.
All joking aside, may I remind you all that this is a column about who LU should sign, who not they most definitely will sign. And let’s be real, they should sign Sweet Saraya. She’s not that old at all, she still goes at a pretty high level in the ring and Lucha Underground could certainly use more female wrestlers. Yes, we all love Ivelisse, Catrina and Sexy Star (still trapped in the clutches of the Moth), we like Black Lotus and we’ll probably all love (semi-spoiler alert) Cheerleader Melissa when she eventually appears. But four isn’t a good enough number, unless you’re picking how many Oreos to eat or are look for the right amount of people to start a band. Thus, give me bad ass Sweet Saraya in the Temple going against Ivelisse and Catrina. And don’t just stop with her either!
The best women’s wrestling that you don’t know about! Well, unless you attend PWG, but the point still stands. Let me tell you now, Candice LeRae is as good an in ring performer as they come. Don’t believe me; just watch her match with recent NXT star Johnny Gargano at a Absolute Intense Wrestling show. Aside from throwing the usual buzz words around, it’s actually almost indescribable how good she is in this match. Hell, she’s even better than Gargano, which is saying something. Add to the fact that she seems to have a great deal of personality too, and she’s a perfect fit for the Temple. Plus, she could potentially even bring in her buddy Joey Ryan for an appearance or two. Who wouldn’t want to see the World’s Cutest Tag Team? Hell, who wouldn’t want to see the World’s Greatest Tag Team vs. the World’s Cutest Tag Team? What’s Charlie Haas doing right now? FIND HIM!
Unbelievably, Lider is only the fourth AAA star to make this list. How is that possible? Mainly because all the other big names I think should be in LU from AAA made the first list. Them the breaks! Alas, if the LU wanted to start a crazy cool stable with Pentagon Jr. and Vampiro as the leaders, you could do worse than Lider. He’s a solid hand in the ring, and perhaps most importantly, he’s currently tag champions in AAA with Pentagon. Sounds like an easy match to me. Just throw Taya Valkyrie in there, and let’s start celebrating!
Leva Bates/Blue Pants
Hey, someone from the WWE banner! Not really, as from what I can tell, good old Blue Pants isn’t under contract and seems to be used more or less as a non major player. A shame for her status with NXT, but something that could open the door for her to appear in the Temple one day! And I’d like to see her there. Again, she has some name recognition, which will help. But, much like Candice and Sweet Saraya, she’s a good hand in the ring and a very likeable person in general, which will definitely endear her to the Temple fans right away.
I’m going to allow myself this one, even though the chances of the current Daniel Bryan (who I’ll refer to as his real name here, seeing as that’s what he’d use) arriving to Lucha Underground are slimmer than an Olson Twin in the mid 2000s. Should he be in the Temple though? Absolutely. Even with his injuries, the American Dragon still remains one of the best in ring performers in the world, has one of the biggest followings that a wrestler can have (always good for notoriety), and actually does have some experience with lucha libre style. Prepare to have your mind blown as you witness Bryan Danielson walking down to the ring with Jack Evans and Teddy Hart for a match at Triplemania 2008 (skip to about the 2:30 mark, unless you're in the mood for a lucha cartoon).
Aside from those facts and the mind numbingly awesome reveal that Danielson once came to the ring Eminem’s “Lose Yourself”, just think of how cool it be to see the American Dragon wrestling all the LU talent. Danielson vs. Puma would be great, Danielson vs. Angelico would be great, Danielson vs. Cage would be super, Danielson vs. Pentagon would be epic, and there are no words to describe how great Danielson vs. Mil Muertes would be. That doesn’t even take into account the matches he’d have with all the talent listed here, or even the ultimate dream match; Danielson vs. Son of Havoc, beard vs. beard. It just makes too much sense. Thus, even though it won’t happen unless WWE does for some reason choose to never let him wrestle again (and even then, he’d probably head to New Japan), Bryan Danielson would be excellent for Lucha Underground. There, I allowed myself one. You happy Mortensen?
That’ll do it kids. I’m off for a nice long breather, as this article took way too long for me to write. Till next time, why not finish this thing off with a presidential poster of Nicolas Cage?
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