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Lucha Underground Preview: Multi-Person Matches! Multi-Person Matches Everywhere!
Happy birthday Melissa!
It’s time! It’s time! It’s Lucha Underground preview time! Yes girls and boys, it’s Tuesday afternoon, I’m all jacked up on chocolate milk and once again the occasion calls for me to predict tomorrow night’s LU episode. What’s on tap? Why two multi-person matches, including one for the Gift of the Gods Championship and a one on one battle between a psychologically troubled individual and whatever the hell Marty the Moth is. Sounds like a good show right? Let’s talk about it. Moses, stop trying to part the puddle outside and get your meme game on!
Four Way Match
Daga vs. Kobra Moon vs. Argenis vs. Mascarita Sagrada
What to Expect: Why have one multi-person match on an LU episode when you can have two?! That’s what is happening here as we get four of the lower card peeps duking it out for…bragging rights? An eight Medallion that El Jefe is suddenly going to spring on us? Whatever the case we’re getting this bout and it’ll at least have some entertainment factor considering Mascarita is there, which means that Famous B and DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN Brenda will be there as well. You can never go wrong with those two. There’s more to it than that though; Daga was excellent in his first LU match against Texano and I reckon he’ll likely be the standout performer here. For me, Kobra Moon remains someone to watch. I think even she would admit that character hasn’t caught on entirely outside of the Temple just yet, but she’s coming off a decent match with Ivelisse her last time out and her body of work outside of LU shows that she’s capable. I’m hoping we see some more progress from her here.
Winner: Let’s be real folks; there are no plans for Kobra just at the moment and while I’m pretty sure Vinny Massaro has won more matches than Argenis at this point. In short, I’d bank on neither of those two winning, meaning that either Daga or Mascarita is taking this. Against my better judgment I’m going with Mascarita. What can I say; the dynamic trio of Mascarita, Famous and DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN Brenda is wildly entertaining (even if they’ve only appeared once not counting a brief online clip) and this feels like the perfect opportunity to amp up the comedic glory by having the man from Little Hollywood taking home the victory here. Plus, if they do an angle where Mascarita steals the win from Daga, leading to a Daga rudo turn…man that’s good stuff. Daga is an excellent rudo in Mexico, and the thought of him being the straight man to the Fame Gang is just tops. And yes, we’re now calling Famous B’s group the Fame Gang, just like Brenda is forever known as DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMN Brenda.
Marty “The Moth” Martinez vs. Killshot
What to Expect: I know what you’re thinking; where did this match come from? Why are Marty (and by extension Mariposa) already done with Sexy Star, despite Sexy only getting the better of them one time? It’s a very good thing then that a video this past weekend came out featuring Marty and the world’s creepiest action figure explaining that he and Mariposa got bored with Sexy and are now moving onto Killshot. See for yourselves!
Now why is Marty and more than likely his sister going after Lucha Underground’s own private Willard? That part Marty kind of left out. Whatever the case, these two will be tangling and I get the feeling this is just the first of many battles. I’m all for that; Marty is absolutely terrific, Mariposa just had one of the best matches in recent memory and Killshot is a dude capable of magic in and out of the ring when given the time to show it. I’m guessing that neither of these men will get the time to entirely pull off what they’re capable of here, but that’s okay. Every feud needs to start somewhere, and I’m looking forward to how they kick off the war that’s coming between Moth and soldier.
Winner: I’m going with the rare Lucha Underground disqualification finish here. I know, first time for everything. I just find it too hard to believe that Mariposa doesn’t get involved here and with several other battles between these two likely on the way it would make sense for there to be a finish that leads to more. As such, my crystal ball sees Killshot gaining the upper hand, Mariposa running in to save her dearest baby brother and a beat down ensuing. I’d say they’d potentially kidnap him, but a) they did that with Sexy Star and it didn’t entirely work out for them in the end and b) King Cuerno has the market corned on abducting Lucha Underground talent at the moment. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t see the Moth’s looking to tick him off, unless they want to go out Queens of the Stone Age style.
Seven Way Match for the Gift of the Gods Championship
Texano vs. Aerostar vs. The Mack vs. Sinestro de la Muerte vs. Sexy Star vs. Joey Ryan vs. Cage/Chavo Guerrero
What to Expect: Here it is everyone; the big dukaru, with Texano in one corner, Aerostar in another, The Mack in another, Sexy Star in another, the guy named after the evil Green Lantern in another, Joey Ryan in another and then…the real menace in the Temple, Chavo Guerrero. And with that I’ve just completely ruined one of my favorite scenes from Batman. Excuse me while I go tattoo Batman and Robin lines on my face as punishment (just kidding. Or am I?).
In all seriousness, this seven way match is a complete contrast to the one we had for the Gift of the Gods Championship at Ultima Lucha nearly a year ago. Only two competitors from that first match are back in Sexy Star and Aerostar; the rest have as much experience in a seven way as the Toronto Raptors have in the Eastern Conference Finals. What that ultimately entails beats the hell out of me; what I do know is that this match should be a doozy? Really the only performer in this match with a question mark is Sinestro, but I reckon he’s going to surprise people here in his first real opportunity to show the world what he can do. The rest will sort itself out well. I look forward to seeing how friends Big Willie and Sexy Star interact, as well as the potential for a Cage-Mack throwback to season one. Chavo, whether he keeps the Medallion he stole from Cage or not, will make an impact in this match somehow. Texano has proven to be really good in these multi-man matches and is coming in hot after that excellent Daga match. Joey Ryan will surely do something entertaining. And hey, how could I not be excited about a match featuring my main man Aerostar? The Intergalactic Maniac has only had two matches this season, which makes yours truly a very sad panda. The people want more Aerostar; THE PEOPLE NEED MORE AEROSTAR! What would wrestling be without him doing crazy moves we’ve never seen before and him jumping off places Angelico wouldn’t dream of going to?
Winner:…I honestly have no idea. I’m extremely tempted to go with the idea of The Mack screwing over Sexy to win this belt and the two of them engaging in an amazing blood feud the rest of the season, and of course Aerostar winning would leave me happier than all the internet peeps when they saw Jamie Vardy don the “Chat Shit, Get Banged” shirt during the Leicester City victory parade. But in the end I can see any of these eight winning and the belt playing into the many storylines already going on. If I had to pick…surprisingly I think I’m going to go with Sinestro. I know I honestly can’t quite believe it either. Here’s the thing though; regardless of the outcome to this match Sexy Star is going to be prominently involved with the GOTG belt from here till the end of the season. It’s the only logical step for her after she regained her mojo a few weeks ago, all while delivering a hell of a performance on top of that. Either she’s winning this match or she’s getting railroaded to set up her chasing for the title. I’d go with the latter here, and as I can’t see Big Willie turning on her (hell I can’t see Big Willie being evil period), the next logical options are Sinestro or Joey Ryan. Officer Sleaze is preoccupied with undercover operations and possible take over the world plots, so that leaves Sinestro to take it. Plus that would at least give Catrina something to do, which she desperately needs considering Mil is currently being stuffed up in King Cuerno’s cabin. In short, Sinestro beats Sexy, Sexy seeks revenge, and these two go at it for the Gift of the Gods Championship at Ultima Lucha II. Thank you and please drive home safe.
And that’s the way it is. I’m off till later guys; thinking I might do a very silly running diary of the NBA Draft Lottery this evening. Don’t laugh at me; it’s my life, it’s now or never and oh my goodness why am I singing Bon Jovi? Till the lottery, here’s a vampire holding chicken wings.
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