The Ins and Outs of Lucha Underground: Episode 33
It's the day before Wednesday, which means it's Lucha Underground preview time! Yes, we're a week removed now from the classic All Night Long episode, and now back to watching multiple good to great matches for this week's show. Medallions shall be won, the right to face Prince Puma at Ultima Lucha will be decided, and I will continue to find myself falling in love with Sexy Star. I know, I can't explain it either. Must be the whole empowered female thing; I've been attracted to that ever since Buffy staked her first vampire. So it's all Sarah Michelle Gellar and Joss Whedon's fault. Enough about my romantic troubles though; it's LU time! ON WITH THE SHOW!
Sexy Star vs. Super Fly
What to Expect: Man, me picking this match for Ultima Lucha looks about as good the script for Sex Tape right now. And yet, I'm going to hold out hope that this isn't going to be war to settle the score. Would it surprise me if these two ended up having an emotional ten minute match that ends with Sexy Star scalping poor Super Fly? Of course not. But with the way they portrayed Super Fly's betrayal, I expect we're going to have more to it than this. I'm thinking passionate Sexy promo, a quick brawl and a match that ends in a no contest. There's about a 95% chance I'm completely off base on that.
Winner: Super Fly. It's not going to be over after this one way or another, so might as well give Super Fly something before Sexy rightfully disposes of him. I don't care how hopeless it looks, I'm not giving up on there being a blow off match between these two at Ultima Lucha. Like Alan Wake 2 and the return of Salsa Doritos, IT'S GONNA HAPPEN!
Aztec Medallion Match
Aero Star vs. Cage vs. The Mack vs. Marty the Moth vs. Pentagon Jr
What to Expect: Mother of sweet things, what did we do to deserve this beauty?! Look at the ability in this match. We have Aero Star, the most underrated wrestler in the Temple and the best Power Rangers cosplay dude I've ever seen. We have Cage, best big man in wrestling. We have The Mack, one of the most unique performers in the Temple and someone who should be on TV anymore. We have Pentagon Jr, heartbreaker by day, arm breaker by night. And of course, we have the RETURN OF THE MOTH! My calls to Cthulhu have been answered at last! You know how much it's been killing me that good old Marty hasn't been appearing recently? I don't know how long it's been, I just know that it's been too long. WE WANT THE MOTH! GOTTA GET THE MOTH!
As you can clearly see, I'm super stoked for this match, and you should be too. Not only should the action be top drawer, but there should be a ton of story advancement as well. The Mack and Cage have some unfinished business after their lockerroom brawl from a few weeks ago. Perhaps Jack Evans will get bored of Pokémon Stadium and come out to attack Aero Star, as the intergalactic warrior did spoil the FIFA Champ's debut. And of course, we'll all be waiting to see what Vampiro is going to do when he and Pentagon are in the same area for the first time in a few weeks. There's going to be a lot going on in this match, and I for one am looking forward to it. You're telling me I shouldn't get excited for a match that features Marty the Moth and may end with Vampiro breaking out a Nail in the Coffin? Who are you, Britta Perry?
Winner: I predicted both Aero Star and Cage to get into the seven way match concerning the medallions at Ultima Lucha, so naturally I'll pick between the two here. I'll give the nod to Cage I guess. The LU can do more building Cage up as the favorite in that match by him winning this soon, Aero Star could easily win a medallion in the next few weeks and again, a short Evans-Aero Star program is something feasible to me. Thus, I say Evans cost Aero Star, Vampiro costs Pentagon (or Pentagon costs himself, who knows?) and Cage proves to be superior over The Mack and Marty the Moth to get the win. Let me say this though; if Marty the Moth somehow ekes out a victory due to all the storylines shenanigans going on, you will never see a happier person on the internet than this guy right here. I'd look like one of those people who used the Joker Products in Batman.
#1 Contenders Match for the Lucha Underground Championship
Mil Muertes vs. Drago
What to Expect: Heavily intriguing contest here, and not just because the winner is going to the Ultima Lucha main event against Prince Puma. Let's be honest; with the exception of Matanza, these are perhaps the two most interesting, captivating wrestlers in Lucha Underground. On one hand, we have the Beast King himself, Mil Muertes, back from the dead in search for ultimate power, with Catrina and the Skeletor Army along for the ride. On the other you have Drago, the dragon who won the hearts of the believers (man I just turned into Matt Striker there) and was exiled from the Temple, only to return better than ever. It's a great dynamic, and it should help make for an interesting match. I expect this will be quite good (I'm tempted to say great, but I don't want to jinx it) and I expect it'll be brutal.
Winner: You already know this one! Like I said in the Ultima Lucha column, I expect to see both of these men in the main event against Puma come the Grand Papi of Them All. Thus, you're getting a no contest here after some crazy ass spot. I don't know what it'll be, I just know it'll be nuts. Better than jumping off a roof or powerbombing someone through a roof? We'll just have to see. Somewhere, Angelico still won't be that impressed.
That'll do it Lucha Kliq! I'm out for a bit, then coming back with some more NBA talk that no one will read. Who knew? Till then, what is going on with this picture?!