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Lucha Underground Preview: The Go Home Show
Ladies, gentlemen, disgruntled Brits desperately hoping Harry Redknapp isn’t the next manager of England’s national team, we’re only one show away from Ultima Lucha Dos. That’s right; we’ve reached the go home show, the last one before the Grand Papi of Them All, the dinner before the Red Wedding as it were. And it looks to be a pretty good show; we have two matches that are surely to set up some key events at the big show and likely a dozen other developments along the way. What those are; beats me, but I’ll try to break it down as best I can. So let’s not waste time. Moses; pause Game of Thrones and do your job. A man waits for no meme.
King Cuerno vs. Mil Muertes
What to Expect: Wait a minute…wait a damn minute here! Isn’t this match supposed to be taking place at Ultima Lucha Dos? Why is it taking place one episode before Ultima Lucha Dos? What’s going on here? WHY ARE YOU PLAYING WITH MY HEAD DEJOSEPH?!
Alright in all seriousness, I’m going to take a stab in the dark and say this match will indeed still take place at Ultima Lucha Dos. So why is it taking place the episode before the Grand Papi of Them All you ask? The same reason Cage vs. Mack happened twice last year before concluding at the big show; build up. I’m expecting we’re only going to get a taste here of what we can expect from these two come Part 3 of Ultima Lucha, which means this one will be shorter than Firefly’s run on Fox. It’ll be a good taste though. I mean this is the former Immortan and good ole Deer Antlers we’re talking about here; they don’t do things half assed. Even though this match is likely lasting less than five minutes, it’ll be a damn good five minutes that points to bigger things the next time these two tangle.
Winner: This is a tough one to call here for two reasons; a) the fact that this match is actually happening prior to Ultima Lucha (an unexpected development) and b) the likelihood that the loser of this match is ultimately winning the final confrontation. Common sense would dictate that Mil, who may I remind you was all but stuffed and hung on Cuerno’s wall in that majestic cabin of his, will get screwed here and take his revenge at Ultima Lucha. But the fact that this match is happening now leads me to believe this may be going another direction. Thus I’ll officially predict that Mil takes this a tad controversially, leading to the blow off match where Cuerno takes home the biggest win of his career. So in reality a loss here will be the best thing to ever happen to Deer Antlers, kind of like how Tommen betraying Cersei turned out to be the best thing for her. And yes, Cageside Seats will go full Tommen at the beginning of “The Winds of Winter” if Cuerno loses both of these matches.
Prince Puma vs. El Dragon Azteca Jr.
What to Expect: Look at LU trying to fit one last non Ultima Lucha MOTY candidate into the fold here. And yes, if given the time and little to no interference this match should be off the walls spectacular. We all know both Puma and Azteca can go in the ring, we know that Azteca will have something to prove considering this is his first ever singles match during his Lucha Underground tenure (that is correct; the poor dude has only done Trios matches thus far) and with both men being involved in big matches come Ultima Lucha I expect the aggression from both will be in top form. And with both of these guys being top notch high flyers, you know an aggressive match from both is welcome. The only thing that may hold this match back from reaching true greatness is if Black Lotus and Rey Mysterio get involved. Will they? I’d put the odds pretty high, with Lotus likely instigating, Rey getting involved and shit hitting the fan The Mummy, end of act one style. Dammit Rachel Weisz, all you had to do was not read FROM THE BLESSED BOOK! You should’ve just left it cradled in the arms of that misogynist twat who was clearly dreaming about the new Ghostbusters film flopping.
Winner: I mean this has the clear makings of a big misunderstanding causing Mysterio and Puma to start brawling afterwards with Azteca hopelessly trying to break them up. Unfortunate for the technicos but easy for me to predict; Black Lotus will get involved, leading to Rey coming out and accidentally costing Puma the match (yup, Azteca wins here), leading to a brawl (or maybe just a really tense situation) that wets everyone’s appetite for the Rey-Puma match come Ultima Lucha. Simple but effective, like my strategy in Pokemon Red.
Other Last Minute Predictions Because I Don’t Know the Third Match on This Show!
Hey, the third match hasn’t been announced which means there’s not much else to talk about other than me making blind predictions. So with that, let’s make some bad ass blind predictions!
-There will be another match. Really going out on a limb with that pick!
-A Trios Championship Match will be made between the champions (Jack Evans, Johnny Mundo and P.J. Black for those who forgot), Fenix, Aerostar and Drago AND Ivelisse, Son of Havoc and a partner to be named. Yes I know the winds are pointing to a Taya-Ivelisse match, but my official prediction a few weeks ago was this match for the Trios belts and I’m not backing off till it doesn’t happen. Ivelisse vs. Taya can happen some other time, and in fact can be built up here through this match. And no, I still don’t know who the third person for Ivelisse and Havoc is; here’s hoping it’s either a returning Angelico or a certain Good Doctor.
-El Jefe will officially announce that Ultima Lucha Dos is three parts (confirming what has already been confirmed) and will announce a huge battle royal for either part one or two. It’s only natural considering a good chunk of peeps like Big Willie, Cage, Kobra Moon, Texano and wrestling legend Vinny Massaro have nothing going on and should have some place on the show. Plus, what better place is there to debut new, non Night Claw LU talent, like say a Good Doctor or PAUL LONDON?!
-Mascarita Sagrada vs. Famous B’s new client will be announced. That new client will be…who the hell knows? Maybe Vinny? The Good Doctor? PAUL LONDON?! No I’m not stopping this gimmick.
-El Jefe will finally realize the cops are on to him and announce a triple threat match between Joey Ryan, Cortes Castro and season two darling Mr. Cisco for Ultima Lucha Dos. Yes El Jefe will be hoping to fracture the alliance and put a stop to the investigation with this match. No I don’t know if it’ll work.
-We’ll get another glimpse of the lord and Councilman Delgado, as well as an official declaration that both men are coming to the Temple for Ultima Lucha Dos. START YOUR GOOD DOCTOR RUMORS NOW!
And that ladies and gentlemen is how the show comes to a close. Be sure to come back tomorrow to read my review of the show, and perhaps even an article on the Iceland national football team beforehand. Till then, some life lessons from (spoiler alert!) the new KINGINDANORF Jon Snow.
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