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Lucha Underground Review: The Red Eye to Nunchuck City
Another Wednesday night, another great episode of Lucha Underground in the bag. And yes, even with stiff competition LU once again delivered the goods. We had nunchucks; we had a huge multi-man main event; we took a few steps towards the second Ultima Lucha (and even got a name for it); we had a huge dive; we had two huge returns. Pretty much Lucha Underground had everything other than the return of Salsa Doritos, and I’m not going to hold that against them in all honesty. What are we waiting for; I can tease you with all this stuff or we can talk about it. Let’s do the latter. Moses, turn it up and bring the meme!
Black Lotus Grows a Pair, Loses Them Immediately
This started off very promising for Lotus, making consecutive appearances for the first time since Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II was all but a twinkle in Stephen Amell’s eyes. She actually stood her ground against El Jefe, finally seemed to indicate that she wasn’t entirely sure if he was telling her the truth and even threatened to sick the Black Lotus triad on him if she found out he had lied about who killed her parents. Naturally she let that all slip away when Dario announced that Ultima Lucha Dos (that’s right, Dos) was around the corner and that Lotus would be facing El Dragon Azteca Jr. at the event. First off, CALLED IT! Second off, about time we get to see what Lotus can bring in ring. This should be the most interesting match of the show, both because we have no idea what Lotus can do as a wrestler and because we’re finally going to see where she stands. Potential mistake for El Jefe. Not as big as…well we’ll get to it later, but still pretty big.
Marty “The Moth” Martinez and Killshot wrestled to a Double Countout
First off, congrats to Marty; he finally creeped Melissa Santos out enough that she couldn’t finish announcing his name. Evidently she’s not ready to accept Marty’s love just yet. One day Marty; one day.
This wasn’t so much of a match as it was two dudes beating the shit out of each other outside the ring until Justin Borden finally just said “screw it, I’m counting you both out”. I don’t mind that part; the brawl outside was good, the intensity from the first match between these two was apparent and there’s no way we want to see these two blow their load before the inevitable big match that settles the score. That said, the decision did take some steam out of the crowd and it ultimately led to the post match struggle for Killshot’s dog tags (one by Marty yet again) fall a tad flatter than expected. Overall though this match did what it needed to do, which is raise the intensity of this feud that I still feel has the makings of a classic. I mean we haven’t even gotten a Mariposa appearance here yet; we’ll know it’s on when that happens.
Cisco Goes to Prison
We finally got the full scene of Cisco in prison promised from the season two trailer, and well, let’s just say he’s not going to forgive Cortes Castro/Officer Reyes that quickly for turning on him. I could be wrong though; perhaps spitting at someone is a sign of good faith in the LU world. Things were happening here besides that though, like Captain Vasquez (not pulling back on her El Jefe investigation like Councilman Delgado warned her too) trying to pain Cisco as a bad guy (too late Vasquez; the people love Cisco. THE PEOPLE NEED CISCO!), then offering Cisco a deal to wear a wire when meeting El Jefe to nail him to the wall. Oh and there was also this bit about Vasquez thinking Dario was the lynchpin to the “end of days”; I’m not sure if she meant actual “end of days” or thinks that El Jefe wants to remake that crappy Ahnuld movie, but whatever it was it didn’t sound good. That part seemed to change Cisco’s mind about helping them, which is both good and bad. Good because Cisco will be back in the Temple again (YES!) and bad because there’s a 75% chance El Jefe believed Delgado when he said the cops were onto him and will discover Cisco’s treachery and feed him to Matanza. And I don’t want Cisco to go the way of Bael, do you? How soon can we start the #FreeCisco movement?!
Drago and Aerostar defeated Jack Evans and P.J. Black
For the second straight match someone interrupted Melissa Santos’ introductions, a crime in 25 states. And for the second straight match, that person didn’t end up victorious. The first lesson of the night; don’t interrupt Melissa Santos. It’s bad for your future and you might even get the Melissa disapproval face.
As you can expect from the stipulation of this match, this was chaotic, fun, full of Mortal Kombat and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles references and…yeah it was just tops. Jack and P.J. continued their highly entertaining run (they even had a Wyld Stallions moment) and for the third straight week really seemed to seize the spotlight and deliver the goods. And man, it was just good to see Drago and Aerostar doing their thing here. Watching them tonight really hit home how we haven’t seen enough of them this year and both reminded us what they’re capable of, with Drago bringing his blend of lucha martial arts (complete with MIST and that roll up of his that put Jack down for good) and Aerostar flying around everywhere (including an Angelico esq dive off the roof that nearly brought the Temple down). Best of all; all four guys used the nunchucks to great effect. I honestly thought they’d be the worst part of the match but each nunchuck shot seemed brutal and really added to the chaos. What more can I say other than a great match between a lot of my favorite people in the Temple, and my goodness this better not be the end. Fenix and Johnny Mundo are associated with both of these teams and were absent from this bout due to the main event. Whether or not the nunchucks stay, those two should get involved, the Trios Titles should be on the line and magic should be allowed to occur at Ultima Lucha Dos. The people want Wyld Stallions vs. Aerostar, Drago and Fenix; THE PEOPLE NEED WYLD STALLIONS VS. AEROSTAR, DRAGO AND FENIX!
Six on Six Tag Match
Fenix, Ivelisse, King Cuerno, Taya, Johnny Mundo and Pentagon Jr. defeated Prince Puma, The Mack, Texano, Sexy Star, Son of Havoc and Rey Mysterio Jr.
There needed to be a colossus of a main event to bump the Nunchuck Bout out of the prime time slot and boy was there ever. Throughout the show Striker and Vamp had brought up that the main event would be a twelve person tag, where the winning team would face each other next week in an elimination match. And yes, the winner of that match would indeed get a title shot against Matanza come Ultima Lucha Dos. So the stakes were big going in; then Pentagon (complete with motorized wheelchair!) rolled into the Temple, rose from the chair and broke poor Chavo Guerrero’s arm to the delight of everyone. One confused Vampiro (was he feigning it or did Pentagon defy his orders?) and an El Jefe promo later and Pentagon was in the match, taking Guerrero’s place on the Fenix/Ivelisse/Mundo/Cuerno/Taya/Mundo team. Crazy right?
Unbelievably not only did the match live up to all of that, dare I say it surpassed it. There was nothing earth shattering about how this match was booked and that’s what worked; we got a string of really interesting mini match ups (Sexy Star vs. Taya, Pentagon vs. Mack, Ivelisse vs. Havoc and Rey vs. Cuerno among others) that carried the match before the crazy final minutes that featured everyone getting an awesome spot. That’s all it took here, as everyone delivered (Mack and Pentagon in particular were so good that LU would be crazy not to put those two against each other sooner or later) and got the crowd so into it that when the spots came, the crowd wouldn’t stop exploding in applause. The only thing I potentially would’ve changed would’ve been Pentagon getting the pin instead of Mundo; he did just have the big return after all and was by far the most over person in the match (which is saying something considering almost everyone was over here). That said, the Rey-Puma battle is being built up (and don’t deny it; Puma is totally going to blame Rey for crotching him this week, even if it was Mundo’s fault), so Mundo screwing them over again makes sense. And let’s be real; there’s no chance in hell Pentagon is losing next week. There’s literally a better chance of Uwe Boll directing a Titanic remake and it being better than Cameron’s version than the man of Cero Miedo not going on to face Matanza. Trust me; it’s science.
Dammit Cuerno, We Told You to Hire Security!
You may be wondering why I didn’t bring up good ole Deer Antlers that much considering he was in the last match. That’s because even though Cuerno delivered the goods, the man made one crucial mistake; HE LEFT THE DAMN CABIN UNGUARDED. Thus Deer Antler’s performance was overshadowed by the final scene, which showed Catrina finding his cabin and bringing Mil Muertes back to life, complete with red eyes and everything. DAMMIT IT ALL CUERNO; didn’t you learn at bad ass character school that the first rule is to have henchmen? I mean sure Catrina probably would’ve wasted them like Chuck Norris at an amateur karate tournament, but at least you have the hope of a) them delaying her long enough that you can return from your victorious night and take care of business yourself or b) them getting one lucky shot. Basically folks; if you’re going to do diabolical schemes, invest in henchmen. Cuerno didn’t do that and now he’s got a red eyed former Immortan who will be coming for him (probably next week when Cuerno is trying to get a shot at Matanza). Dammit Cuerno; I was rooting for you and everything. Actually I’m still rooting for you; Mil may have red eyes but you’ve got that Arrow of Death (hit perfectly again tonight by the way)! Let’s just chalk this up to a minor setback and say everything will be fine next week.
And with that the tank is full. I’ll be back tomorrow peeps with not one, not two but THREE UEFA Euro previews with the gang. Till then, a message to Brother Nero.
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