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Lucha Underground Review: Episode 34 (TexanoMania)

Updated on July 2, 2015

It's here! It's here! Yes girls and boys, after a longer than expected day, the second (or first, or even third, depending on your mileage) best Lucha Underground review is hitting the shelves. Better late than never. And hey, what would you know, last night was pretty good for what seemed like a cool down episode. Not perfect, but then again, who is? Certainly not me, otherwise this review would've been out five or six hours ago. But enough about my busy day. Let's begin! ON WITH THE SHOW!!!


Chavo Plays His Cards


So, any one surprised that there was more to Chavo's demands than just protection from Mexico? If there's one thing we've learned about the Guerrero's over the years, it's that they're like Queen; they want it all, and they want it now. And hey, Chavo got it all and he got it immediately; a title match against Prince Puma with no disqualifications and a mystery stipulation (later revealed to be Chavo getting the title if Konnan interfered)! Always has to be a mystery stipulation when El Jefe is involved. By the way, how good was it to see El Jefe again?! Two weeks is too long away from the best boss in wrestling. What was he doing during this hiatus? Was he feeding more people to Matanza? Trying his hand at the local improv? Or was he simply thinking of ways to mess with Chavo, even though they're allies now. Here's hoping it was all three!


Texano defeated DelAvar Daivari


Finally, THANKFULLY, these two had a match that didn't make me want to fall asleep. And again, I don't mine either of these guys. I've said numerous times that Daivari is a talented dude, and there's no way on earth Texano could've been the longest AAA Mega Champion in history if he was on the level of Paris Hilton. They just were never able to click until last night, and while it wasn't perfect, it was certainly to the standard I had been expecting from these two. Texano finally seemed to be more comfortable as the technico, Daivari worked his butt off as the rudo, and overall, this was pretty entertaining contest. Again, it wasn't perfect, and as happy as I was to watch Texano break out, he could've sold that leg injury at the end better, especially since Daivari spent the majority of the match working it over. All and all though, really good bout. Certainly the best effort from both men since they entered the Temple.


Prince Puma Shits His Pants


We learned two very important lessons from the confrontation between Mil Muertes and Prince Puma. One, Konnan doesn't get rattled by anything. Seriously, did you see how unimpressed he was with Catrina and Mil's antics? I'm pretty sure Hernandez's antics had Konnan more moved. The second, and most important lesson though, was that Puma was absolutely terrified of Mil. Like, first time watching Scream terrified. Personally, I liked that touch, as it allowed Puma (who has been a little bland at times) to seem more human, something he'll need against Mil. Plus, doesn't it fit the bill for a character who has a lot of heart, but always seems to be a tad in over his head? More on that later though.


Konnan and the Mystery Man


Not only was Konnan not moved by Mil Muertes' mind games, he kept his eye on the prize by going to find protection for Puma for the main event. Smooth K-Dawg, smooth. And let's be real now; this scene was made 10% better by the fact that we all thought Konnan was talking to Blue Demon Jr, thus forming the most forbidden alliance since Vegeta teamed up with Gohan, Krillin and Piccolo to fight Lord Frieza. Sure, it didn't end up that way, but wasn't that still a good few minutes? Especially since we know Konnan probably feels the same way about Blue Demon that I do about Nacho Cheese Doritos. Yes, I don't like the Nacho Cheese flavor. Read the picture to see how much I care about your sadness over it.

Drago defeated Hernandez via DQ


This was probably the match of the night, though that had more to do with circumstance than anything else. Some people didn't like the chemistry between these two, but I honestly thought they worked well together. Hernandez, now in complete rudo mode, was at his most annoying this past evening, while Drago seemed to be a bit more polished than his recent outings. Again, not perfect, but it was just fine overall, with some cool spots and a clever ending that saw Hernandez CM Punk a fan before getting DQ'd for using the fan's belt. Great stuff (though Hernandez's promo afterwards...not so great). Really, this match proved why Hernandez's decision to return to TNA of the LU was so odd. As fellow LU fan TripleR pointed out in his review today, Hernandez has been booked 100 times better in the LU than he was in TNA, yet he decided to go back anyway? I don't fault the dude for making a decision, but it still baffles me that he chose the route he did. It's like getting back on the Titanic as it was sinking.


Chavo Doesn't Shit His Pants


How about Chavo proving to be the opposite of Prince Puma?! Not only did Chavo not react like he was about to be lobotomized by Jon Hamm at the end of Sucker Punch, he seemed to relish the chance to face Mil. And remember, this is a guy who was destroyed by the weaker version of the Beast King just a few months back. Way to go Chavo. Is it time to once again mention how amazing it is that this dude is killing it in 2015 after no one expected him to? Or should we all just sit back and admire Mil's bone chilling scream? Man , if he had done it in front of Puma, I'm pretty sure the LU Champ would've melted away like the Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

A live shot at Prince Puma from last night
A live shot at Prince Puma from last night

Alberto El Patron defeated Marty the Moth


The good news for us Killer Moths; it appears that there could be a budding romance between him and the lovely Melissa Santos (killing it as usual last night). Did you see how she flapped her left arm with Marty at the same time? That was probably the greatest moment in the life of all five LU shippers out there.


After that, it pretty was all downhill from there (music and lyrics by New Found Glory), as El Patron proceeded to treat Marty like my friend Henry treats his Xbox controller. Hey, at least Marty got a couple punches in I suppose, right? RIGHT?! Oh well, there's always next time. The best part of this whole segment was El Patron's promo towards Johnny Mundo at the end, where El Patron proceeded to make himself more of a bad ass than he ever looked in WWE. All while pretty much implying the exact same thing he was supposed to be doing in WWE! Are we at the point yet where we can question how WWE screwed it up with him? Their loss, our gain I suppose, and I am looking forward to El Patron trying to rip Johnny Mundo's face off at Ultima Lucha. Things are most definitely heating up!


Prince Puma defeated Chavo Guerrero Jr to retain the Lucha Underground Championship


Whatever this match was supposed to be was quickly tossed out when Chavo pulled his hamstring at the beginning of this match. Such a shame; these two could've easily torn the house down if both were healthy, and you know Chavo was just itching for an in ring performance to match with his awesome backstage work. Even with the limitations though, the match did what it had to do, which is paint Puma as the resilient fighter who cannot do it on his own (inexperience alert! inexperience alert!), remind us how dangerous The Crew is even without Bael (shout out to the announcing team for mentioning Bael's absence, further driving home the point that the announcers don't know about the backstage going ons) and reveal that Texano was the man talking to Konnan in the back. Man, what a night for Texano overall. Going in, he was the disappointing former AAA champion who didn't seem to be clicking, and by the end of the evening he was like a CM Punk level cult hero. Well done LU! I'd say it seems obvious where the story goes from here, but then, there was the last segment.


YO SOY MEXICO CHAVO! YO SOY!


Talk about an electric ending; this was another in the long line of fantastic closing segments the LU has produced this year. Blue Demon Jr and Chavo couldn't have looked better. Chavo, even though he was banged up and manhandled by a dude who is 5'9 soaking wet, seemed to be in control the entire time. Was I the only one who thought he was trying to get Blue Demon to snap? Of course, Demon took the segment for the passion he had throughout. There's no doubt that the man is a lucha libre legend, but his LU appearances had been missing something, no matter how sharp Blue Demon dressed. This had the missing ingredient. It was great to watch Demon get emotional, to rage at the suggestion that he wasn't the lucha hero so many make him out to be. A great touch added to an already above average feud. I'm not sure where Blue Demon fits in now that Texano is involved, but I'm intrigued to find out. After all, Texano's father did work in Mexico during the twilight years of the original Blue Demon. Perhaps that history will be played with.


Alright guys, I'm off to revise the DBZ vs. Lucha Libre column. The Warriors Cult Tribute may drop tonight, but you'll more than likely be seeing some time tomorrow afternoon. Not too much longer though! Till next time, here's DUCHOVNY doing his best Blue Demon Jr.

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