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Lucha Underground Review: Through the Roof
I know I know I know; I wasn’t around last night to a) tweet about Lucha Underground and b) write this wonderful review of LU some of you kind of like some of the time. Turns out that things move slower when you’re away on business and the place you’re at doesn’t have the El Rey Network. Fascists I know. Thankfully I’ve gotten around to watching the LU this morning and, shock of all shocks, what an entertaining show. I swear to God that never happens! As such, let’s not waste any more time; let’s talk about a show that was, quite literally, through the roof.
El Jefe Owns Fenix, Drago and Aerostar
May the record also show that Dario possibly owned Jack Evans and P.J. Black in this segment too; I’m not sure how, but you can never discount the powers of El Jefe. How did he do it? By calling Fenix, Drago and Aerostar into his office to start the show, teasing that the trio (a team that won CHIKARA’s King of Trios tournament by the way) would compete in the Trios Tournament. Instead Fenix found himself teaming with Evans and Black instead while Aerostar and Drago are wrestling again for an Aztec Medallion, all because I’m pretty sure El Jefe’s world just works so much better when those two hate each other. This was ownage to the one hundredth power right here and what’s a better way to kick off LU than Dario Cueto making a few luchadors mentally soil themselves?
Aztec Medallion Match
Aerostar defeated Drago
Man El Jefe wastes no time does he? No sooner are Aerostar and Drago out of the office do we find them in the ring with their friendship living on a prayer as Aerostar’s good friend Bon Jovi would say. At least I assume they’re good friends; only a good friend would use "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi as a theme song.
As I’m sure you’re shocked to hear this was a doozy of an opener, only this time there was a twist this time. Turns out the big spot of the match wasn’t a high risk move but Aerostar failing at one by slipping off the ropes (ala AJ Styles at King of Trios) and crashing and burning on the floor. I don’t know if this spot was planned or not but damn did it add to the match; it went from looking like another high flying demolition derby from two of the best to Aerostar having to gut out a well earned victory through grit, grind and adrenaline. Oh and a pretty sweet springboard codebreaker where Aerostar adjusted so well in mid air that I’m pretty sure he’s now got the nickname The Adjustment Bureau. Hell of an opener and a second straight year that The Adjustment Bureau has himself a Medallion. I swear that nickname is going to catch on. You mark my words America (and Mexico)!
Cage…in a Cage
In a scene that rivals only The Ten Commandments in terms of comedy, we learned that Johnny Mundo can indeed look better than he did the previous day, Taya’s negotiating skills aren’t nearly as formidable as her toughness and that Johnny Mundo will be taking on Cage…in a cage for one of the Aztec Medallions next week. I’m also pretty sure we saw Taya go from getting lucky with Mundo to sleeping on the couch, but there’s a 50% chance I’m reading WAY too much into that. I mean it’s Taya; the only guy who she can’t make swoon is someone crazy enough to get locked in a cage with a guy who’s name is Cage. Oh and yes; Dario Cueto was behind this whole thing (who did you think outmaneuvered Taya at the negotiating table?), which prompted Mundo to deliver his best line ever, “Classic Cueto!” It may not quite be Charlton Heston exclaiming “THE WORD OF GOD!” with his best Bill Walton impression (a good twenty years before Walton was known to the world by the way), but still damn good. Well played Johnny; damn shame you’re going to be wrecked by Cage in a cage next week.
Trios Tournament Match
Fenix, Jack Evans and P.J. Black defeated The Disciples of Death
To say there was a lot going on in this match would be the biggest understatement in the history of the western hemisphere. The star crossed love story of doom between Fenix and Catrina loomed large; the dysfunction between first time partners Fenix, Evans and Black was present even as the trio mostly dominated the match; the Skeletor Army’s descent into being utterly destroyed by Mil Muertes (again) continued; and finally, Jack Evans continued his trek towards challenging Nathan Fillion for the title of Greatest Man to Ever Live and Rey Mysterio for the title of Matt Mortensen’s least favorite person. The lesson as always; Matt is a really weird dude.
Wow I got sidetracked there. Like the first match of the night, this one stood out because of the added element of Fenix, Jack and Black bickering even as they unloaded on the Skeletor’s like they were the Charlotte Hornets. Not only did it allow the Skeletor’s a small chance to win, it added some comedy to the match, especially from Evans who has just gotten so unbelievably good at his role. That element put the bout over the top, even if it wasn’t quite on the level as last week’s Lucha Justice League special. Let’s be honest though; what’s beating the Lucha Justice League? You’d pretty much have to put either a) The Greatest Trios Team that Ever Lived against them or b) clones of themselves. Let the record show I’m all in on cloned Lucha Justice League vs. actual Lucha Justice League.
El Jefe Makes Everyone’s Dreams Come True!
Not even a few minutes after I’m getting excited about the thought of Rey, Puma and Azteca Jr. taking on Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc, there’s El Jefe in his office making that shit happen! Alright maybe it’s not quite mano y mano as I would’ve liked, but never the less the Greatest Trios Team to Ever Live and the Lucha Justice League will be two of the four trios teams facing off next week in the Trios Tournament finals, alongside Fenix, Jack and Black and Cisco and the Undercover Luchadors. That is excitement personified! It’s also a whole hell of a lot of people Angelico gets to jump off the roof onto, which is never a bad thing. By the way, props to El Jefe for once again owning another group in this episode. Seriously, Ivelisse, Angelico and Havoc walked into the office united and left looking like Guns N’ Roses during the mid 90’s (aka the way these three looked all of last season). Between them, Mundo and Taya and the King of Trios during the opening, Dario pretty much took the whole roster to school this evening. Life is just better when El Jefe is around.
DID THAT SKELETOR JUST PULL THE HEARTS OUT OF THE OTHER TWO SKELETORS?!
GUYS, I’M PRETTY SURE THAT SKELETOR JUST PULLED THE HEARTS OUT OF HIS BUDDIES! What a turn of events; I began the scene thinking Mil was going to turn all three Skeletor’s into mulch (following Catrina berating the three no less), only for Siniestro de la Muerte (at least I think that’s the culprit) to do it himself by going full blown Temple of Doom on his buddies. So much for the “you never go full Temple of Doom” rule I thought was in place. In any event this act unquestionably made Siniestro the most interesting he’s ever been, the second best Siniestro/Sinestro of all time after that evil Green Lantern dude (let's be honest though; the competition wasn't fierce) and probably someone to keep an eye on going forward. I mean he did consume the power of the hearts after all, which should make him a pretty formidable Skeletor. Who cares right now; HE PULLED OUT HIS BUDDY’S HEARTS! Bael’s death wasn’t this malicious!
Lucha Underground Championship Match
Matanza (c) and Mil Muertes fought to a no contest
The greatest gladiator match in the history of the world happened. And…well it was more a set up for what will actually be the greatest gladiator match in the history of the world. Thankfully that was the point of this match, along with Mil being the first man to finally make Matanza look like a dude with actual weaknesses. While all the talk is going to be about that AMAZING Flatliner through the roof spot that closed the match (thumbs up to that roof breaking into a perfect rectangle by the way!), I have to give a big thumbs up to Catrina and El Jefe here. These two sold the hostility even more than the two wrestlers; the two spots where Dario confronted Mil and Matanza confronted Catrina were masterful. That’s not to take away from Mil or Matanza at all, but the interactions of their respective partners just added so much fuel. And my goodness that end shot of Dario frantically screaming for his brother (buried under rubble in his office) and giving Catrina the death stare was money. Their amazing performances combined with what we saw in the match leaves me shivering with antici…pation for the eventual rematch. Perhaps a second Grave Consequences? How else can you top the roof imploding? And better yet, WHAT IS ANGELICO GOING TO HAVE TO JUMP OFF OF NEXT WEEK?!
Corruption; Corruption Everywhere
First off, LOL at the Missing Person’s poster in Captain Vasquez’ (or should I say Maureen?) featuring Blue Demon Jr., Hernandez and Alberto El Patron. That comedy was almost better than the Mundo segment, especially when you consider Patron has all but disappeared in reality. I’m sure he regrets absolutely none of the decisions he’s made in the past year though.
The bigger issue; Vasquez’ quest (and by extension Joey Ryan and Cortes Castro’s) to put a stop to El Jefe’s rampage has hit a snag in the form of a Councilman Delgado (GOOD GAWD, THAT’S LORENZO LAMAS’ MUSIC!). This Delgado, as best I can gather, has history with Vasquez (never a good sign), wants her to stop her investigation into bringing down El Jefe and is apparently working on the orders of a very powerful entity. And here’s the kicker; I’m not sure he’s working for Dario. That’s what I initially thought, but the fact that Delgado never mentioned El Jefe as his backer (especially when he had no problem bringing him up a few seconds ago) leads me to think there’s maybe someone else behind him. Can there really be yet another evil powerbroker in the LU wings? Am I looking far too into this? Whatever the case Vasquez wasn’t too happy about it afterwards. I wouldn’t be either if I now had Dario, Catrina and the mystery evil man to deal with. At least she can always look at Alberto’s missing picture afterwards and have a great laugh.
And scene. That’ll do it folks; I’m off till later. Not sure what the column will be on but it will indeed be lucha related. Till then, a brief look at the time Moses and Ramses had issues over lunch at Burger King.
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