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Lucha Underground Review: No Mas

Updated on May 4, 2016

Tonight Lucha Underground was a one match show. Considering there were four matches tonight, that would seem to suggest this show was kind of a low point in an otherwise really good run for the LU. NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND! That one match tonight wasn’t just good, hell it wasn’t just great; it was…well we’ll get to it. Throw in a solid if short opening match, a few great scenes and the set up to some exciting things going forward and this one match show was one hell of a time. So let’s not waste time; there’s greatness to attend to.


What the hell was El Jefe doing with that ceiling tile?


Seriously, what was El Jefe doing at the start of the scene? Was he replacing a tile in the ceiling? Is he keeping something up there? Does he just like standing on ladders near the ceiling so he can feel like a big deal. THIS IS THE SHIT I NEED TO KNOW!

Other than that, this was just your standard awesome scene that likely would’ve been the highlight of the night if not for…well we’ll get to it. Basically Catrina walked in, a ton of sexual tension ensued and somehow we all walked out winners with Mil Muertes and Matanza squaring off next week in a GRAVE CONSEQUENCES MATCH! The sequel is upon us folks, and like most sequels this looks to be going for bigger. What does that mean? It means there’s going to be FOUR COFFINS THIS TIME! Four, like the horsemen. I’d venture to guess that means the loser is not just getting himself a one way ticket to death but his manager/brother/lover as well, which means El Jefe and Catrina are going in the coffin as well. If that’s not a big match, I don’t know what is. Too bad it’s got no chance of competing with…well, will get to it.


Aztec Medallion Match

The Mack defeated Marty “The Moth” Martinez


It’s a damn shame we haven’t gotten to see these guys get more time; I would bet money that a fifteen to twenty minute contest between Marty and Big Willie would produce more greatness than a Jamie Vardy fast break. Alas it’s not to be for now. Even still, this was a solid bout for the time they were given, and I thought Mack was especially crisp. You could legit put him in any situation for any amount of time and I’m pretty sure he’d come out of it looking like Sam Shepherd at the end of The Right Stuff. Plus, you just know he’ll be awesome in that epic seven man match for the Gift of the Gods title. If only Marty was allowed in though. WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH!


Cuerno is Hunting!


Deer Antlers has returned and he’s returned… pretty much the same as he was prior to his disappearance, only this time firmly against Catrina, Mil and anyone else associated with their wacky death cult. Honestly, this was quietly one of the best moments of the night after the El Jefe-Catrina encounter, Mack-Moth and….well we’ll get to it. It was great to hear from Cuerno again (great to see the sniff return too!) and positioning him against Catrina and Mil is brilliant as a) there’s plenty of unresolved issues there and b) Cuerno is just too damn good to not be in a prime position. By the way, was it just me or was Catrina looking extra sexy tonight? I mean you can say that about every week, but she was just…wow.


Inspirational Speeches with El Jefe


By far the second best moment of the night and dare I say the most compassionate we’ve ever seen Dario Cueto. No seriously. It may have been in his own twisted El Jefe way and my goodness does the man have mommy issues, but Dario actually seemed sincere in trying to motivate Sexy Star to take down Mariposa, almost as if he was trying to essay Yoda and the Emperor at the same time. Judging by the results later on…well we’ll get to that later. Yes I know I keep saying that. YOU WILL UNDERSTAND SOON!

Aztec Medallion Match

Sinestro de la Muerte defeated King Cuerno


The first of two matches tonight that served to advance story more than anything, although I did think Cuerno looked pretty good in delivering some kicks. We’re definitely on the road to Cuerno vs. Mil now though (unless Catrina hitting Cuerno with that rock and then doing it again post match) and I wouldn’t be surprised to see Deer Antlers get involved next week by screwing Mil and Catrina over in Grave Consequences II: Matanza’s Boogaloo (trademarked by yours truly). As Senor Chang would say in regards to a bully interrupting Jeff Winger taking a test, I’ll allow it. It’ll be interesting to see where Sinestro (now truly named after the Green Lantern villain) goes from here now too. He didn’t do much here, but the finisher, a springboard version of John Cena’s top rope leg drop, was pretty cool and he carried himself well in the brief time. He’ll be an interesting wild card in that seven man match.


GET FAME SON!


It was short; it was sweet and featured a whole lot of Famous B, which like Samuel Adams is always a good decision. Basically Famous approached Mascarita, hitting the weights like Ahnuld in his prime, and revealed he had scored his new client a match for an Aztec Medallion. Dancing and happiness ensued…well at least until we got to the ring. By the way, I’m all in on Famous and Mascarita being a thing going forward. If Lucha Underground could make Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc into the greatest trio’s team that ever lived, they can certainly make Famous B and Mascarita into an entertaining force of nature. It’ll be the greatest buddy duo since the two Cory’s in that one Robot Chicken episode!

Note; these aren't the Two Corey's. At least I don't believe so
Note; these aren't the Two Corey's. At least I don't believe so

Sad Chavo is Sad


We’ve now reached the point of the show where El Jefe is called upon to savagely throw shade at one of his employers. This week’s victim was Chavo Guerrero, who walked into El Jefe’s office looking for an Aztec Medallion spot and ended up getting treated with a level of indifference and disdain not seen since Tottenham tried to murder Chelsea’s starting eleven this past Monday. At least Chavo recovered I suppose like he promised he would. He’ll still need ice for the burn, but hey, at least something good happened.


Aztec Medallion Match

Cage defeated Mascarita Sagrada


Let the record show that a) Famous B was over as holy hell here (despite interrupting Melissa Santos, a crime in 48 states FYI) and b) Mascarita was HYSTERICAL after learning Cage was his opponent, turning into a cross between Scott Steiner and in his prime heel Christian. I told you these two were gold together! Beyond that, this was again another match that went very short and was meant to set up other things, most notably Chavo and Cage after Chavo swiped Cage’s medallion. Dammit Chavo; why did you have to go and ruin everything? At least we’ll now get to see Cage go all Commando on Chavo sooner or later. It’ll be beautiful, it’ll be violent and yet it still won’t be as good as…wait, are we about to get to it?! YES!


No Mas Match for an Aztec Medallion

Sexy Star defeated Mariposa


Ladies and gentlemen…nope, I can’t even use the Dodgeball joke here. In fact there will be no references here; no reference can do justice to how epic this encounter between Sexy Star and Mariposa was tonight. From open to close these two beat the ever living tar out of each other. First it was in the ring, with Mariposa controlling early. Then it was on the outside, where we saw Sexy stick a chair in between Mariposa’s legs and then swing for the fences with another chair for a moment I’ve never seen before. Then they made their way up the stairs with Mariposa dragging Sexy along the way (OUCH!) before tearing Sexy’s mask at the very top (great job by Striker and Vampiro here pointing out how much Sexy’s mask means to her and how devastating it was for it to be torn). Then…goodness they went everywhere. They were in the rafters; they were in the stands; they were brawling on the floor again, with Sexy this time delivering an all world trash can toss. Marty and Big Willie got involved not once but twice, changing the tide each time. And finally, the match had its defining moment when Sexy, caught in some bizarre pretzel submission, delivered a defiant, blood curling “FUCK YOU!’ that got a massive pop and gave her momentum for good. A few minutes and an arm bar later and Sexy Star was, well, a star.

Looks like pain. And victory
Looks like pain. And victory

Seriously, there are not enough words I can use to describe this match’s beauty. It’s so radically different from any woman’s match you’ll ever see; there was blood, there was violence, there was intensity and best of all, there was the story of a traumatized woman staring her tormenter in the face and finding her identity again. You couldn’t ask for four better performances here. Mack and Marty were great in supporting roles. Mariposa, who it should be mentioned was wrestling her first prime time singles match in LU here, was every bit the bad ass you’d expect and looked like a champion. But I think those three and anyone else would gladly admit that the story here was Sexy Star. I’ve seen over the past several weeks numerous people bitching and moaning about Sexy and some people even implying the quality of her work is on par with some truly appalling overall performers. If those same people think that way after tonight, I can safely assume they don’t know wrestling or hate for the sake of it because Sexy was brilliant here. She brought it just as much as Mariposa did, she sold the beating amazingly (the shots of her bleeding from the rafters and in the ropes post match might become iconic pictures in LU lore) and best of all, she came into the match with only 50% support and won the entire Temple over by the end of the match. It was absolutely breathtaking, and the Temple was 100% right to close the show with a “You Deserve It!” chant that carried on even as the credits rolled. Without question for me, this was the best match of season two thus far, the best woman’s match I’ve seen in quite awhile and the match we’ll forever remember as the one that made Sexy Star. So let it be written, so let it be fucking done.


That ladies and gentlemen is how it ends. I’m off till tomorrow, where I’ll produce a Leicester City column and preview for Friday’s CMLL show. Till then, watch that Sexy Star-Mariposa match. I don’t care what unsavory or illegal things you have to do, find it and watch it. You won’t regret it. Unless you’re Dave Meltzer; then you might.

Sexy Star and the red bull. Champions. Ass kickers. Legends
Sexy Star and the red bull. Champions. Ass kickers. Legends

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