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NEVER Eat a Polar Bear Liver: Polar Bear encounter survival
If your like me, I am sure you have often pondered what you would do in a survival situation if you encountered a polar bear in the wild. I am from Ohio, so it is not very often I get to actually put this information to the test. However, you can be assured that I have studied cartoons, commercials, and a lot of animal shows on television to assemble some useful facts for all of us...just in case.
First some Polar Bear basics! Polar bears are big, some way over 1000 pounds! Their claws are thick and curved so they can hold prey and their teeth are very sharp for ripping off chunks of seals. They do love their seals! Polar Bears are white, furry and actually kind of cute as long as they are not trying to eat you. Mind you, this is a very rare occurrence here in Ohio, but I say it doesn't hurt to be prepared! Coincidentally, polar bears live near cold, icy shorelines, which do exist in Ohio. Have you ever been to Lake Erie in February? Getting a little worried?
Now for some survival tips!
1) Polar Bears are powerful! Do not try to best it in a physical confrontation! They also learn to fight through mock battling from the time they are teeny tiny cute cubs. Do not confuse yourself with the Russian guy in the circus. You will lose!
2) Polar Bears are excellent swimmers! Do not try to do your best Michael Phelps impression and think you can beat him in a 200 medley! They aren't named Ursus Maritimus for nothing! Oh sorry, for you non-scientific types that means "Sea Bear".
3) Polar Bears are protected under the Endangered Species Act! Do not provoke them or harass them about their weight, they can be extremely sensitive! Most polar bears have good lawyers.
4) Polar Bears primarily eat seals. This is in your favor!
Great move! Push sister at Polar Bear and Run!
5) Polar Bears love Coca Cola! Offer the bear a Coke. RInged Seals are actually the food of preference but Coke always seems to make them happy. However, do not offer them more than one as the caffeine may make them edgy and angry!
6) Polar bears are very curious. Offer them something to distract them while you quietly make your getaway. I would suggest a Rubik's Cube or some other equally annoying puzzle that will keep him busy for a while. They are highly cognitive creatures, some say as smart as a primate, so don't depend on the Rubik's Cube for too long!
7) Polar Bears have great eyesight! So you can forget about throwing on the hat and scarf and pretending you're Maxie the Polar Bears little buddy Chilly Willy.
8) Polar Bears have excellent hearing. Cry and beg for mercy. Maybe he will hear your pitiful pleas and have mercy on you.
9) Polar Bears have a keen sense of smell. As a last resort, poop yourself. At this point in the confrontation it may not be necessary to consciously perform this action. This may offend the animal and drive him away.
10) Most importantly, do not try to eat a Polar Bear's liver! It contains lethal concentrations of vitamin A. This can cause blurred vision, loss of hair, drowsiness, and diarrhea. All of which may not be beneficial to your survival situation. Well , maybe the last one might help but this may not be caused by an overdose of Vitamin A!
Hopefully, you will never find yourself in a situation where any of this information becomes relevant. In the event you do find yourself face to face with a polar bear maybe your brain will dredge through all the memory cells and pull up that little bit of information that means the difference between life and death! And if you are nose to nose remember this, touching noses is just a way one polar bear asks another for something, Be polite! Bears appreciate good manners.
The Place for Real Polar Bear Information
- Polar Bears International - Polar Bear Research - Polar Bear Education
Polar bear facts, information and research from the foremost polar bear conservation group. Polar bear pictures, videos and huge FAQ file.