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Not Another Live CMLL Puebla Running Diary
Earlier today I said that I wasn't going to preview or review any CMLL shows this week as I worked on my Top 50 Luchador(a)s of 2016 series. Welp, much like Ahnuld in Commando, I LIED! Turns out I've gotten the urge to do yet another live running diary of tonight's Puebla show, which means more memes, more face palms, more groans and more "what the fuck are they thinking?!" screams than ever before. Why am I doing this? Who knows and who cares? Let's just have some fun and try to get out of this show alive. Moses, meme and get out while you still can!
10:00: It's exactly ten, the Doritos are out and WE ARE LIVE!!!!!!
10:04: Note to self; next week have this ready earlier so you don't have to promote as the show is starting! Rookie mistake on my part. By the looks of things the opener is París and Asturiano vs. Malayo and Maligno. Expect a lot of snores, a lot of París botches and a lot of Asturiano needing to find a pair of pants. Good Grodd he's getting worse than Valiente.
10:06: París and Malayo are tangling first and...well at least París' mask looks cool!
10:07: EDGAR'S REFFING THIS MATCH! There is hope for this show.
10:09: An actually half decent sequence ends with París sending Malayo to the outside. Asturiano and Maligno are in now and I'm thankful I don't have to right click to paste París' name correctly for the next few minutes.
10:11: To quote Brian Griffin, nothing's happening. Naturally this leads to París coming back into the ring to do some cool shit, followed by Maligno botching something.
10:12: Maligno briefly rights the ship to get a cool submission over Asturiano, followed by Malayo tapping París. Round one to the rudos. I have a bad feeling about this.
10:15: The only thing lamer than this rudo beat down is me trying and failing to find a meme to be describe this rudo beat down. Rob Viper was right not to read me tonight.
10:16: Guess what?!
Of course because this is CMLL this comeback lasts two seconds and features the the rudos screwing over the technicos big time, first with Malayo almost dropping Asturiano and then slowly rolling into position for a pin and quickly followed by Maligno nearly dropping París on a moonsault. In any event we're tied and I wish I had made a better decision than reviewing this show!
10:19: Asturiano is trying. Don't ask me why.
10:19: INTERESTING! Malayo and Asturiano pin París and Maligno at the same time, leaving those two as the last ones.
10:20: Malayo gets Asturiano in a pretzel submission and that's it because of course the lesser talented dudes must win! It's the CMLL way after all. Boring match aside from a few Asturiano and París moments. The most noteworthy thing; I spent this match calling Malayo Malaypo because CMLL misspelled his name on the Puebla website (I've since edited it so don't worry)! The lesson as always; CMLL is dumb and you should feel dumb for believing even the simplest thing they do.
10:23: An actually cool technico team of Robin, Lestat and Rey Samuray?! They either a) have no chance or b) are stuck with a terrible rudo team.
10:25: Policeman comes out, followed by (Not Rey) Apocalipsis and Disturbio. Well then, I guess it's both!
10:26: Robin and Disturbio are captains. That's the best decision CMLL has made all evening. Worst part is it may remain that way.
10:27: When you see Lestat has to work with (Not Rey) Apocalipsis.
10:29: Lestat and (Not Rey) Apocalipsis are out, Policeman and Robin are in. And yes, Lestat got to do nothing during that sequence. What the hell CMLL?!
10:30: Rey Samuray actually came in instead of Robin, showing off some Cool Runnings esq braids attached to his mask. He quickly takes Policeman to the mat and schools him while the International Lucha Libre Fans thread on Facebook cries out in terror.
10:33: Time for Robin and Disturbio. Am I the only one who liked Disturbio better when he dressed as a Super Saiyan? Much better than this Slayer roadie look he's rocking now.
10:33: This is a pretty good sequence, which makes sense considering Disturbio is the only rudo who actually knows what he's doing.
10:34: Samuray working too hard to make (Not Rey) Apocalipsis look good with that bump. I can't even finish typing that sentence before both Robin and Samuray are put down with a Apocalipsis senton (awful) and a Policeman splash (good) respectively. Once more the rudos take fall one. Better than anything in the first match; then again I could've walked into the ring and shat on Tirantes' face and it would've been better received than that first match. Come to think of it that would be received better than anything else on this show. Moses, get me a ticket to Arena Puebla!
10:37: Disturbio bites an ass. We now go live to Mercurio's reaction.
10:39: Does every rudo in CMLL have to have the "kick to the upper thighs" move in their arsenal? Like, is it a job requirement?!
10:40: The technicos get going with some cool offense from Robin and Samuray! Everyone is down and GOOD GRODD Samuray just wiped (Not Rey) Apocalipsis off Planet Earth with a split legged moonsault. He's done, and so is Policeman after a Lestat Swanton. I enjoyed the end of that fall. Everything else, eh.
10:42: Robin and Disturbio will start, till Disturbio doesn't want none. YOU CAN ACT LIKE A MAN DISTURBIO! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YA?!
10:43: Lestat is a gorram hero for trying to work through the scourge that is (Not Rey) Apocalipsis.
10:44: Rey Samuray is miles ahead of everyone in this match!
10:45: I take that back; Robin and Disturbio have done decent work together. Technicos may actually be getting a half decent match out of this rudo team.
10:45: No sooner do I say that does (Not Rey) Apocalipsis turn the tide and start what will surely be everyone getting a near fall and each side breaking up the pins/submissions.
10:47: Called it!
10:47: I'm starting to get worried Lestat is losing to (Not Rey) Apocalipsis...and he does. WHAT THE FUCK?!
10:47: Thank Grodd Samuray just rolled up Apocalipsis. That would've been a disgrace. Policeman then gets Samuray up in a Gory Special, but Robin gets his pal out of it. Disturbio and Robin then go at it for a few and GOOD GRODD THAT IS ONE HELL OF A SUBMISSION BY DISTURBIO! He gets Robin to tap and the rudos are two for two. I liked that match! Technicos were heroes working hard throughout, Disturbio did well, Policeman wasn't an embarrassment and (Not Rey) Apocalipsis...alright he was an embarrassment but 5 out of 6 ain't bad! I'd probably have had the technicos win, but Disturbio's submission is enough to make me feel okay with the result.
10:50: DRONNNNNN!!! Seriously, that's how he said it.
10:51: Marcela, who isn't on the card, is now walking out to wrestle.
10:52: And now here's Dalys WITH NEGRO CASAS! I smell an impromptu CMLL Reinas Championship match. As long as Negro acts like his and Dalys' life depends on this match then I'm find with it. Big ups to Dalys representing Masked Republic with that "Ruda" shirt by the way.
10:55: Considering these are, aside from Zeuxis, Princesa Sugehit and sometimes Amapola, the only consistently solid luchadoras in CMLL, this match could be pretty good. Definitely more exciting than whatever else was planned.
10:57: Back and forth affair through the first few minutes. Marcela goes for a splash, crashes and burns and nearly drops the first fall on a Dalys cover.
10:58: A GORRAM VARIATION OF THE ROMERO SPECIAL! Marcela gets Dalys to tap and that's fall one. Strong start in my eyes; the key will be whether they can keep this up. Marcela and Dalys have always started hot before falling into repetition. Hopefully they can avoid that here.
11:00: Marcela working some submissions and strikes to start this fall.
11:00: Good dropkick by Dalys to turn the tide. She goes for some biting, which will surely make Mercurio happy.
11:01: Not enough shots of Negro cheering Dalys on. COME ON CMLL PRODUCTION! Dalys meanwhile nearly takes fall two with a hair toss.
11:02: Dalys with the knees to the kidneys, but she makes the mistake of leaving Marcela alone and she turns the tide with a dropkick and then some knees of her own. They're doing a good job stretching this fall out.
11:03: SWING BOTTOM! Dalys takes fall two. Very nice. This match has been quite good through two falls and I liked that they stretched that out there and actually made it seem that Marcela could win in straight falls. Now for the third fall.
11:05: Dalys with a spinebuster and a running senton. Two count. Just noticed that Edgar is reffing this. No wonder things are going so smoothly!
11:07: Marcela just hit Dalys with a running senton off the apron! Rough landing for both. Casas motivates Dalys during the small break and it works, with Dalys regaining the offense back in the ring.
11:08: I look away for a moment and miss a top rope knee drop from Marcela! Dalys reaches for the ropes just in time. Marcela goes for a suplex, Dalys reverses it into a small package and we have another near fall. IT'S GETTING TENSE!
11:09: Did I just hear Casas yelling?! HE'S GETTING INTO IT! BAD SIGN FOR MARCELA!
11:10: Marcela escaped the sharpshooter, but walked right into a Dalys missile dropkick. Dalys hits another dropkick, but only gets two. UH OH! Crowd is starting to get behind Marcela too.
11:11: GORDBUSTER! Marcela doesn't go for the pin though and instead hits the knees. Dalys out again!
11:11: Marcela went for the moonsault, gets caught and that is one hell of a sitout powerbomb from Dalys. Marcela kicks out anyway!
11:12: SLAP TIME! The two then sloppily clothesline each other (the lone sloppy spot thus far) and everyone is down.
11:12: DALYS REVERSES THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN WITH A ROLL UP! Marcela just barely kicks out. Marcela, Dalys reverses that and my goodness she's got it! Great roll up by Dalys there and yet again she retains the title against Marcela, much to the delight of Casas and myself. Very strong match; it may have been the best these two have had and the crowd acknowledges it by throwing some cash in. Dalys and Marcela show respect afterwards, as well they should. I'd be quite surprised to see anything top this tonight.
11:16: Marcela and Dalys are still hanging out around ring side right now as Pegasso is coming out. The poor guy has it bad enough landing that poor 450 of his ladies, at least let him enter the ring with dignity!
11:19: Looks like Dalys-Marcela was planned all along and the CMLL website forgot to post it. That website...anyways, the card is now continuing as scheduled, with Stigma, Drone and Pegasso (replacing Fuego) taking on Sagrado, Okumura and Skándalo. Well...at least everything not involving Skándalo could be fun!
11:21: Drone and Okumura are captains. Is this the first time Drone has been a captain since leaving his Hombre Bala Jr. persona behind?
11:22: Stigma wants Skándalo.
11:23: Luckily for us he didn't get him, and this match starts off with a nice Pegasso-Okumura sequence. Sagrado and Drone, the two best guys on either side, will now throw down.
11:24: Naturally my quip leads to Sagrado and Drone getting only five seconds so we can go right to Skándalo-Stigma. This development is like Dr. Seuss' worst nightmare.
11:25: Things escalate quickly with Okumura pinning Pegasso following an elevated DDT and Sagrado DESTROYING Drone with a Nail in the Coffin. My goodness has the Sagrado offensive game been on point recently. Very fast first fall, with only Sagrado wrecking Drone standing out.
11:28: Sagrado should've just ditched Okumura and Skándalo and worked this match by himself. He's too good for them. And I say this as someone who likes Okumura!
11:29: UH OH!
11:29: Dear Grodd, CMLL must know I'm using that meme for all the comebacks and booking them to be extra short. No sooner did Stigma arm drag all the rudos outside and hit Skándalo with poor suicide dive did Pegasso nicely roll up Okumura to secure fall two. Very quick match we have here. I'm just hoping for some more Drone-Sagrado interactions before it's over.
11:32: Again I say DRONNNNNN!!!
11:32: Are they actually going to set up Skándalo-Stigma? Because NO! BAD CMLL!!!
11:33: Sagrado gets good work out of Pegasso, leading to the technico hitting his one saving grace, that beautiful tornillo dive of his! This leads to more Stigma-Skándalo because FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL!
11:34: BULLYING CLUB! F-F-F-FOUR LIFE!
11:34: Really nice how Sagrado is getting the most out of Pegasso here.
11:35: THEY PINNED EACH OTHER! Sagrado and Pegasso are out, Okumura, Skándalo, Stigma and DRONNNNNN!!! remain.
11:36: Somehow, Stigma managed to get Skándalo up on his shoulders and hit the backpack stunner for the win. That is the first technico victory of the night for those keeping score at home. Decent match; Sagrado was awesome, Drone (or DRONNNNNN!!! as I shall now call him) was very good and everyone else was passable. Could've done without all that Stigma-Skándalo stuff though.
11:40: Atlantis, Johnny Idol and Stuka Jr. are out to take on Gran Guerrero, Felino and the GOAT Negro Casas. This match was supposed to set up an Atlantis-Mr. Niebla bout, but Niebla is once again indisposed. What will they do instead? Let's leave this to the poll.
What will CMLL do with Atlantis next?
11:42: Atlantis and Casas are captains because they have to give us some hope. The youngsters Idol and Gran Guerrero start it off.
11:43: Less than a minute and Casas and Atlantis are in! Crowd loves this, so naturally the rudos start a beat down because DUH!
11:44: The rudos send Atlantis and Stuka to the outside, leaving poor Idol at the mercy of Casas and Felino. Gran Guerrero eventually comes in to join the fun too.
11:45: DVD INTO THE TURNBUCKLE! Bye bye bye Johnny Idol. The rudos then focus on Atlantis, with Casas getting the legend to submit via Sharpshooter. It's 1-0 rudos. Okay start.
11:46: Just saw someone on Twitter going "ZzZzZz..." to this match. Buddy...come on. I don't care if the match is bad, acting bored with Negro Casas is a crime punishable in all fifty states!
11:48: Rudo beat down is continuing...until ATLANTIS STEPS IN!
11:48: DUELING SUICIDE DIVES BY IDOL AND STUKA! Meanwhile Atlantis and Casas are alone in the ring and Atlantis manages to get the Atlantida on the GOAT. We're tied at one. Okay second fall. I swear CMLL, I will forgive all your sins if you set up Casas-Atlantis tonight.
11:50: Gran Guerrero gets the edge on Stuka to start fall three, but loses it the moment he brings Felino in to help. Good offense from Stuka on all three rudos, including an Atlantis esq backbreaker!
11:52: Idol now in with Casas. He'll learn something here.
11:53: Isn't it amazing how great Idol is looking here against total pros like Casas and Felino? Why CMLL isn't doing this with him all the time blows my mind.
11:53: ATLANTIS! CASAS! SHOWTIME!
11:54: TAKE ME DOWN TO THE BACKBREAKER CITY WHERE THE GRASS IS GREEN AND THE GIRLS ARE PRETTY! TAKE! ME! HOME! YEAH YEAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
11:55: Backbreaker city was legit the last good technico moment of this match; the rudos quickly disposed of Atlantis, followed by Negro and Felino quickly tapping Idol and Stuka to secure the win. That's now four rudo victories to one technico victory tonight. Match was fine in the third fall, but the first two falls were merely okay.
11:57: It's main event time. In a rematch from last week, Marco Corleone, Maximo and Volador will take on La Máscara, Mephesto and Ephesto because OH MY GOD WHO THE HELL CARES?! Seriously, why are we doing this match? Is it just because the women love La Máscara and Marco or does someone really think Volador-Máscara is a good idea?
11:59: OOPS! Turns out Máscara is teaming with Maximo and Marco while Volador teams with Mephisto and Ephesto. This development has made me go from this...
12:02: Well at least Máscara is doing moves this week. He takes out Volador with the knees and it's 1-0 his team. Okay action, which is probably as good as this is going to get.
12:04: How much you bet Volador, while selling this dumb beating, is thinking about how he'd rather face Dragon Lee, Caristico or even the UG again as opposed to another match with Máscara? I'd put $100 on it easily.
12:06: Volador lays out Máscara with a dive because even coasting Volador is that damn good. Maximo and Marco take out Ephesto and Mephisto, which means it's Volador and Máscara all by themselves and...dear Grodd Máscara just beat Volador with his own superkick/backcracker combo. To the surprise of no one, very little people in Puebla cared!
12:07: Máscara on the mic, probably asking for a match for Volador's title. Volador thanks Puebla because DUH, and I'm going to assume then accepts his challenge for a match next week. Hey...it's a Volador match! Maybe he gets Anniversary Show Máscara to show up and they tear the house down. Then again maybe I'll direct the remake to Titanic next week.
12:09: This is still going on because...who knows? Máscara leaves, everyone else stays to taunt him, the show officially ends and I'm left to wonder how the hell CMLL drew that many people to Arena Puebla tonight with a show like that. The Arena Puebla gift certificates must've been selling like hot cakes this year!
That's a wrap sports fans. It wasn't much of a show, but at least Dalys vs. Marcela, Sagrado and DRONNNNNN!!! were cool. Plus you got to hang out with me and I'm also somewhat cool, or so I'm told. I'll be off till tomorrow night, where I'll continue my Top 50 Luchador(a)s of 2016 list (you can catch part one here!). Till then, SCULLY!