ArtsAutosBooksBusinessEducationEntertainmentFamilyFashionFoodGamesGenderHealthHolidaysHomeHubPagesPersonal FinancePetsPoliticsReligionSportsTechnologyTravel

Old Man Golf - The Quest for Less Embarrassment

Updated on July 11, 2019
Uncle Bud Beasley profile image

Uncle Bud stinks at golf. He's tired of looking like a fool on the golf course, and so begins the search for enlightenment.

So there was this lady golfer teeing off on a long par four...

She hits her driver as hard as she can, and it takes this big slice over into another fairway where there are four men playing. Suddenly, one of the men grabs his crotch and falls over on the ground screaming in agony. The women rushes over and the guy is rolling around crying with both hands between his legs in the fetal position.

She says, “I'm so sorry! Let me help you, I'm a massage therapist.”

So she rolls him over, pulls his hands away, unbuttons his pants, zips down his fly, sticks both her hands down in his pants, and starts to rub. Sure enough, in a minute or two, he calms down a bit, and after about five minutes, he's laid out spread eagle.

So finally she says, “How does that feel?”

And he says, “It feels great, but my thumb is still killing me!”

Hi. I'm Uncle Bud, and this is Old Man Golf.

I know, some of you are wondering, “Just how old are you?” Well, on the day I'm writing this, I'm 58 years old. I've been playing at golf for about 35 years or so, but mostly only about five of six times a year. So I stink. I used to hit the ball pretty good, but I've put on a few pounds, and have stiffened up considerably, so now a 220 yard drive is pretty good for me. And that's only when it's not 80 yards right, so if you're in the adjacent fairway, watch out. I ain't no massage therapist.

I have little consistency, but when I do manage to repeat a shot, it's usually a slice. Or a hook. It's what's called "Marching Golf." Left, right, left, right. Of course, since I don't play often enough, I don't have an official handicap. But I recon if I break 100 I have done pretty good. That would make me, let's see... a 28?

But here's the deal. I have this job where I work with these young bucks in a lumberjack show, and we have started playing in charity tournaments. It's mostly best ball, so these boys carry me, and I don't mind so much, but I would like to at least not slow everyone down looking for my ball, and maybe use my shot every now and again.

So I have determined to get better. I guess I could take lessons, and maybe I will one day, but I think I can improve greatly on my own. Enter... Old Man Golf (OMG!)

"An Old Man will kick your ass when your not looking..."

Old Man Golf has nothing to do with age.

It's a philosophy. Old men have learned to do things with the least amount of effort, and with realistic expectations of the outcome of that effort. They're cagey, and when you break out your driver on that short par four and shank it into the woods, they hit a four iron 150 yards in the center of the fairway and are on in two. An old man will kick your ass when you're not looking. An old man doesn't give a damn what you think about his club selection. His goal is to shoot the lowest score possible with his skill set, and if you drive 280 and then hit your 58 degree wedge over the green, he'll hit a five and a seven and be dancing.

Less Ego = Lower Score

So this series is for the golfer that is ready to let go of the ego and bring his score down and have some fun. This is a game of golf, and a game is supposed to be fun. So join me on this journey to bring my score down. My first goal is to break 90 consistently, not lose so many dang balls and have a little more fun out on the fairways.

If this all sounds like something you might could benefit from, climb aboard. And comment! I need all the help I can get, and am smart enough to take the good, old enough to ignore what doesn't work for me, and secure enough to not give a damn about what anyone thinks about it.

See you in the fairway!

Help Me!

How do you think I can best lower my scores?

See results

Comments

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No comments yet.

    working

    This website uses cookies

    As a user in the EEA, your approval is needed on a few things. To provide a better website experience, hubpages.com uses cookies (and other similar technologies) and may collect, process, and share personal data. Please choose which areas of our service you consent to our doing so.

    For more information on managing or withdrawing consents and how we handle data, visit our Privacy Policy at: https://hubpages.com/privacy-policy#gdpr

    Show Details
    Necessary
    HubPages Device IDThis is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons.
    LoginThis is necessary to sign in to the HubPages Service.
    Google RecaptchaThis is used to prevent bots and spam. (Privacy Policy)
    AkismetThis is used to detect comment spam. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide data on traffic to our website, all personally identifyable data is anonymized. (Privacy Policy)
    HubPages Traffic PixelThis is used to collect data on traffic to articles and other pages on our site. Unless you are signed in to a HubPages account, all personally identifiable information is anonymized.
    Amazon Web ServicesThis is a cloud services platform that we used to host our service. (Privacy Policy)
    CloudflareThis is a cloud CDN service that we use to efficiently deliver files required for our service to operate such as javascript, cascading style sheets, images, and videos. (Privacy Policy)
    Google Hosted LibrariesJavascript software libraries such as jQuery are loaded at endpoints on the googleapis.com or gstatic.com domains, for performance and efficiency reasons. (Privacy Policy)
    Features
    Google Custom SearchThis is feature allows you to search the site. (Privacy Policy)
    Google MapsSome articles have Google Maps embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    Google ChartsThis is used to display charts and graphs on articles and the author center. (Privacy Policy)
    Google AdSense Host APIThis service allows you to sign up for or associate a Google AdSense account with HubPages, so that you can earn money from ads on your articles. No data is shared unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Google YouTubeSome articles have YouTube videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    VimeoSome articles have Vimeo videos embedded in them. (Privacy Policy)
    PaypalThis is used for a registered author who enrolls in the HubPages Earnings program and requests to be paid via PayPal. No data is shared with Paypal unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook LoginYou can use this to streamline signing up for, or signing in to your Hubpages account. No data is shared with Facebook unless you engage with this feature. (Privacy Policy)
    MavenThis supports the Maven widget and search functionality. (Privacy Policy)
    Marketing
    Google AdSenseThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Google DoubleClickGoogle provides ad serving technology and runs an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Index ExchangeThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    SovrnThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Facebook AdsThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Unified Ad MarketplaceThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    AppNexusThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    OpenxThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Rubicon ProjectThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    TripleLiftThis is an ad network. (Privacy Policy)
    Say MediaWe partner with Say Media to deliver ad campaigns on our sites. (Privacy Policy)
    Remarketing PixelsWe may use remarketing pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to advertise the HubPages Service to people that have visited our sites.
    Conversion Tracking PixelsWe may use conversion tracking pixels from advertising networks such as Google AdWords, Bing Ads, and Facebook in order to identify when an advertisement has successfully resulted in the desired action, such as signing up for the HubPages Service or publishing an article on the HubPages Service.
    Statistics
    Author Google AnalyticsThis is used to provide traffic data and reports to the authors of articles on the HubPages Service. (Privacy Policy)
    ComscoreComScore is a media measurement and analytics company providing marketing data and analytics to enterprises, media and advertising agencies, and publishers. Non-consent will result in ComScore only processing obfuscated personal data. (Privacy Policy)
    Amazon Tracking PixelSome articles display amazon products as part of the Amazon Affiliate program, this pixel provides traffic statistics for those products (Privacy Policy)
    ClickscoThis is a data management platform studying reader behavior (Privacy Policy)