10 Advantages of being a Poker Widow
So the man in your life has taken up
the dreaded game of poker. To many women this spells widowhood –
lonesome evenings and weekends without your guy, while he bluffs,
check-raises and goes all-in on the felt or online. To make it even
worse, you are subjected to a detailed hand-by-hand dissection of his
game when he returns. Any free time is spent honing his skills,
reading poker magazines and watching poker on TV.
Many a woman has lost her man to this seemingly innocuous card game, but it doesn’t have to be the death knell of your relationship. When life gives you lemons, bring on the tequila! Here are ten advantages of being a poker widow:
1. Poker guilt – Play on it.
Make him feel guilty about all the time he spends at the felt instead
of with you and insist on punitive damages after each game. Dinner at
the restaurant of your choice should suffice, but ban any talk that
even hints at how he played in his last game.
2. Girl’s day out – Suddenly
you are presented with hours of leisure time. Shopping, lunch, tea,
movies, sushi, sun tanning, reading, snoozing or anything else that
tickles your fancy. If he insists on serenading you with how his game
went, give him a shop-by-shop account of your day.
3. Take up the game – Anyone can play poker and women have proved to be as good as men, and often better. Included is quality time with your mate, and even better is infuriating him when you chase down that nut flush draw and crack his pocket rockets!
4. A lifetime of simple gift ideas – Books, chipsets, dogs playing poker pictures, card protectors,
DVDs, cards, even ashtrays and a plethora of poker paraphernalia will
make gift buying a cinch.
5. Pampering – Many poker tournaments take place at luxury resorts with adjoining health spas. No doubt a service offered out of sympathy for the battalions of poker widows. Seize the opportunity. Bone up on the poker tournaments at resorts that offer these services and entice your man into playing there. Your regular facial and beauty treatments can now take place at five-star hotels.
6. Capital gains – If your man
is good enough and practices long and hard enough, he can make a
decent amount of cash from poker. For example, every player on the
2009 World Series of Poker final table pocketed a minimum of $1
million, with the final prize being over $8 million.
7. Right back at ya – Next
time he scoffs incredulously at the price tag of your new Jimmy Choo
shoes, you can casually mention that he has “invested” (read:
lost) an equally large amount in his latest losing streak.
8. It's glamourous – You could soon be hobnobbing with the superstars and celebs. Additionally, casinos are well known for spoiling players with comps of upgrades to luxury penthouses, free meals, limo rides and more.
9. Stunning holidays– Encourage your guy to play better poker and soon he may be jetting off to exotic foreign poker tournaments. Global poker tournaments are hosted in Marrakech, Macau, Monte Carlo, Venice, Cyprus and more. Plant the seed that he should definitely be playing in one of these tournaments as he's that good, and chances are he’ll be whipping out the VISA before you can say Schengen Visa.
10. It could be worse – Imagine he suddenly took a shine to drag racing! Weekends spent at the raceway, surrounded by exhaust fumes and grease monkeys, are utter hell in comparison to being a poker widow.