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The Road to Ultima Lucha: Part One
In the words of The Master from Buffy's season one finale, "WE ARE IN THE FINAL DAYS!". Yes Lucha Kliq, we are closing in on Ultima Lucha, Lucha Underground's Wrestlemania and, for my money, the most anticipated wrestling show of the year. Thus, starting today and going for the next six to seven weeks, we're going to break this bad boy down. Hey, if my former comrades at Lords of Pain can do that for Wrestlemania, why can't I do it for the best wrestling promotion going today? That would be like having the opportunity to meet Paige and deciding to not do it. You always write about the LU when you can, and you always meet Paige when you can. One of my two rules in life, along with getting Salsa Doritos to return, making a three part epic film series based off Final Fantasy XX and not talking about King of the Mountain from Out Cold.
Right, Ultima Lucha. For today, I think the best idea for a column would be to preview what matches we may be getting for the show. Of course, it's hard to do that when there's still over a month until the show and we still don't know all the particulars for the show. What we can assume is that the show, which will be two hours in length, should feature somewhere between five or six matches, possibly more depending on how much time each is given. For this piece, I'm going to go with six matches occurring. Which of course means that we'll probably now either get four matches that all go 20 + minutes or 8 matches that go 10 minutes. Don't say I didn't warn you. But let's not waste time; we have to predict what matches I'll end up predicting. Try saying that five times in a row (it's easy actually). ON WITH THE SHOW!!!
Sexy Star vs. Super Fly
I'm a little less sold on this match occurring because, frankly, I'm still not sure how big a star Super Fly is in the LU. That's not a knock on him as a performer, it's just a knock on what he's done this far, which is get unmasked, and then attack Sexy Star because...she was forced to unmask him. Not a whole lot. That said, Sexy Star is one of the five biggest stars in the Temple, she's going to get on Ultima Lucha one way or another and there's some real heat behind this feud. On top of that, the mask vs. mask match between these two was pretty good; not quite top ten, but it was a solid match with an on the fly story. Imagine what these two will if they have a few weeks to build something.
Seven Way Match
Fenix vs. Jack Evans vs. ? vs. ? vs. ? vs. ? vs. ?
I'm not the only one who remembers the Aztec medallions right? Silly me, I just get the feeling that whatever those things are leading to will come to head at the Grand Papi of Them All. And since there are seven medallions, that means we're going to get seven people. Who they are, outside of Fenix and Super Saiyan Evans is the question. My guess; Cage, Aero Star, Bengala, King Cuerno and Killshot. The LU's resident Power Ranger has earned his place with some underrated performances, Bengala strikes me as someone who is going to do big things sooner than later, and Killshot...I just like him. Simple as that. As for the other two, are we really expecting they're going to have a major LU show without the Machine and Deer Antlers? That's like Twin Peaks with someone else playing Dale Cooper. You just aren't replacing Kyle MacLachlan and his chin, and you aren't having Cage and Cuerno out of the biggest show of the year.
Johnny Mundo vs. Alberto El Patron
In the words of Bill Clement, "Yeah baby! Yeah baby! I really like it!". Not only will this match happen, it needs to happen. Mundo and El Patron tore the house down when they wrestled a month or so ago, and that was before Mundo threw Patron through El Jefe's window. Now that Mundo is a rudo and doing some of the best work of his career? This will be a show stealer; hell, it could even be the best match of the night provided the time it's given. I have to imagine we'll see some kind of stipulation here as well, and I wouldn't doubt that El Patron attempts to throw Mundo through same window he was thrown in. Man, Cueto really needs to get that office ensured. And he needs to keep it more secure; wouldn't want Catrina getting in there and strangling him again.
Four Way Trios Championship Match
Ivelisse, Angelico and Son of Havoc (c) vs. The Crew and Chavo Guerrero Jr vs. Blue Demon, Black Lotus and El Dragon Azteca vs. Disciples of Death
Taking a wild shot in the dark with this one. Hear me out though; we know the Trios titles will be defended on this show because a) it's the second biggest title in the LU and b) the champions are perhaps the most exciting thing in wrestling right now. We also know something is going to go down between Chavo, Demon and Lotus, because hey, those issues have been the biggest aspects of the show recently. And we know the Skelator Army will be involved because any associate with the Beast King is going straight to the top. With all of that, why not just combine those three factors into one match? The LU has proven it can fit more than one storyline into a major match, and forcing the champions to go through THREE different trios teams would be a fascinating story. Call me crazy, but this makes a lot of sense to me.
Pentagon Jr vs. Vampiro
A mortal lock if there ever was a mortal lock. And I have no problem with that. You all know how much I love Vampiro. He's a favorite of mine going all the way back my days watching WCW, and I've loved the work he has done for the LU both onscreen and off-screen (supposedly, Vamp helped put together the now famous Grave Consequences match. Alright Vamp!). Him getting into the ring against Pentagon, even if he isn't the same wrestler he used to be, is most certainly something I can believe in. The only questions I have here are how will the story play out? Is Vamp really Pentagon's master, and this is just all a ploy to get the darkness out of him? Is someone else, like Taya Valkyrie, Catrina or another mystery person going to come in as the master to further this feud between the two? I can't wait to find out what happens with this. Either way, this is going to be a winning program. Like Charlie Sheen levels of winning. How am I doing with that comparison Red Skull?
Triple Threat Match for the Lucha Underground Championship
Prince Puma (c) vs. Mil Muertes vs. Drago
That's right guys, I'm making another bold prediction right now; Muertes-Drago will end in a no contest this week, leading to El Jefe making the Ultima Lucha main event a triple threat. It only makes sense, as all three of these men, more than anyone not named Angelico, deserves to be in the main event. Puma has been a great champion for the LU, even if he could be a tad more interesting. Mil Muertes is the Beast King; no other explanation is necessary for why he should be here. And even though he was away till recently, Drago has at times been just as much a major protagonist as Puma has, not to mention he might be the most over wrestler in the Temple. Add that to the fact that these are the three main characters not named Dario Cueto, and I don't see how this doesn't happen. I'm aware that Mil vs. Puma is the popular pick, but at the expense of leaving Drago out of the show or in an undercard match? It's not happening. This will be your Ultima Lucha main event. Just make sure to call me a prophet after Wednesday night.
That'll do it girls and boys! I'm out till later tonight. What will it be? Who knows? Till then, happy father's day, go Cubs go, and all in all, we're just another brick in DUCHOVNY'S wall.