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Source of Tiger Woods Golf Issues Revealed

Updated on August 13, 2010

Not in Any Danger

I was watching the Tiger Woods debacle at the 2010 Bridgestone Classic and noticed he was sporting a goatee.  Somehow, I knew I'd seen that goatee before.  And then a revelation.  That was the goatee Alternative-Universe-Spock wore.  This explains everything.  The guy who was stinking up the course was Alternative-Universe-Tiger Woods.  In his world, he's not a number one golfer; he's an assistant groundskeeper at a municipal course in Sandusky, Ohio.  This explains the sweating, the constant look of discomfort, and of course, the awful golf.  I guess you can't entirely blame the Tiger Woods of our world for swapping places with a sucky golfer from another universe.  He'd probably had enough of a divorce he deserved but didn't want, the tabloids, the lawyers, and obnoxious fans.  He longed for a world where he had never married, unless you count the inflatable companion, a world where his only responsibilities are mowing grass, spraying brain numbing pesticides and cursing gophers.  In this world, no fan tells him he’s washed up.  He may be told to wash up however.  No mansions and private jets to worry about, just a nice warm platform in the golf cart shed.   He may decide to enter golf competitions knowing there are no expectations of any success at all.  Given that, what incentive does Tiger have to return to our world?  And the alternative-universe-Tiger may grow tired of the public humiliation and disappear from the limelight only to resurface ten years later when a National Enquirer reporter discovers he’s been living in his garage and has a substantial collection of stuffed rodents.  It’s a win-win for the Tigers.  Maybe not so much for golf.

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    • fetty profile image

      fetty 7 years ago from South Jersey

      We know of a Golf apparel salesman whose sales dropped 25% in Tiger's absence. Sure hope the real Tiger shows up soon. That right 8/13 at the PGA Championship, Tiger broke par. He may be back??? Nice hub.