Swimmer Etiquette - Peeing, Touching, and More
Every swim team has those people...the feet-touchers, pool peeing people, early leavers, you know what I'm talking about. This post is dedicated to those people because although sometimes someone will tell you to cut it out, most pool crimes go unanswered. My hope is that if you have a friend or teammate that breaks swimmer etiquette you'll be able to show them this guide and say, "Hey, this is you!"
So what exactly are the laws of the lanes? Let's get started.
Rule 1: No Touching of the feet or toes
If you're catching up to the person in front of you at an alarming rate, whether that be because you're a super-fast and awesome swimmer, or because the other person is slow DO NOT TOUCH THE FEET! Not only is foot-touching weird on dry-land but when everyone is just trying to get through practice, the last thing anyone needs is to feel that gentle yet horrifying touch of someone else's hands on their feet. If you must pass someone, try to quickly find an open spot to swim past. If you ever end up accidentally touch a foot besides your own, you must profusely apologize at next break at the wall.
This is a fantastic way to turn friends into enemies in a blink of an eye. I urge you to touch a person's foot if you're looking to skip practice due to a black eye. By touching someone else's feet you are consenting others to touch your feet and before you know it everyone will be touching feet and the order of the pool will forever be lost in a sea of perversity and manhandling.
Rule 2: Leaving early...because you just love swimming that much
Let's get this straight, if the set says to leave every two minutes, then leave EVERY TWO MINUTES! Not one minute and fifty-seven seconds...two whole wonderful minutes. I get it, you want to look good, fast, and have practice get over sooner right? Meanwhile the poor kid in lane 7 is cursing your name, frantically trying to keep up, and plotting his revenge. Instead of leaving early, just go faster when it's time to go...easy fix. Leaving early not only confuses other swimmers but it also pisses off the coach trying to time how fast everyone is going.
Besides potentially losing the goodwill of all your teammates, you'll never really know how you compare in speed to your teammates. Plus, it's never a good idea to get separated from the team because that just leads to getting picked on. If you think you can get away with leaving early let me assure you without an ounce of doubt in my mind that people will notice. So all in all just be a conformist and leave when the workout says to leave. Okay?
Rule 3: Guidelines for pool peeing
Okay so peeing in the pool isn't the worst thing in the world but there are some guidelines that need to be addressed.
Before peeing you must give a warning, usually in the form of a code word such as "Mountain Dew" or "Hey I just peed there so watch out".
It can be tough to balance staying hydrated and having to pee during a practice. The best practice to peeing is to not only give a warning but to also find a jet that will disperse your pee throughout the pool; granted this might look like something else (hmm) but that's a risk you're going to have to be willing to take.
While peeing can be okay, if you don't follow the guidelines you could quickly find yourself in a bad situation. You must always think about the repercussion of your actions...if you pee by someone at the wall -- what's stopping them from peeing in front of you while you swim? Did you think about that? Ain't nobody got time for that. Plus it's like declaring chemical warfare.
Part One's Cool Down
Okay so that's all for now but there will be more to come. My goal is to prevent swim practices from being any worse than they are. If this article reminded you of someone (I know I can think of a few) give them a little hint and show them these rules. It might just save your life.
If you have ideas for the next Swimmer Etiquette...comment below!