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The 3 Steps to becoming a Tactical Enthusiast (Mall Ninja)

Updated on December 20, 2011

Quite a fine example.

The definition of a "Mall Ninja"

According to the oh so reliable source known as Urban Dictionary a mall ninja is defined as follows:

"A term used in the firearm community to describe an individual who is obsessed with tactical, paramilitary style firearms and modifications, particularly firearms composed mostly of plastic. Such individuals are usually un-experienced novices who compulsively overpay for weapons and accessories not worth their weight in dog crap because such items looked cool in movies and video games."

Jeff: "Dude check out my new AR-15. Its got quad rails, a flashlight/ laser combination, a dummy grenade launcher, a bayonet, a telescoping stock, and an ACOG scope!"

Matt: "Dude check out my .30/06 Remington 700 with a custom walnut stock and a Leupold scope. I can kill a deer at 500 yards with factory ammo! Can your AR do that?"

"Yes I know I'm just shooting with my buddies...No the camouflage just makes it feel realistic dudes!"

Step 1 to becoming a Tactical Enthusiast (Mall Ninja)

The appropriate gear is a necessity as far as becoming a mall ninja is involved. This includes but is not limited to an operator cap or ballistic helmet, a tactical vest WITH molle attachments whether they be used or not.

Optional camouflage patterns consist of either Multicam or ATACS. NO EXCEPTIONS.

Wearing the wrong camouflage to a 'nutnfancy' "run n' gun" is like wearing a pair of walmart brand jeans in group of preppy high school girls. They will make fun of you. It's sure as balls not right! But it will happen.

Step 2: The Weapon Platform

The gun must be a "black gun" no exceptions. Most commonly of the AR-15 or AK variety. Something of military origin with a detachable magazine and preferably featuring a pistol-grip, rail system and at least 3 dozen useless attachments. If duracoated or ceracoated optional finishes included Coyote Tan, Dark Earth or OD Green.

The photo-definition of Tacticool

Step 3: The Mentality

There exist a handful of attitudes that will finish making you the ultimate mall ninja.

-You are superior to everyone: It doesn't matter if the other shooters on the range have been involved with firearms their whole lives. YOU are a better shot and more knowledgeable. No excuses.

-You always win: Regardless of if your opponent got more hits on steel or a better grouping you make up every excuse you can to make yourself feel better than them and feel free to be vocal about it to the other shooters.

-You wear your tactical gear EVERYWHERE and EVERY TIME you shoot: It doesn't matter if you are just out shooting with your buddies, your estranged wife of just out in the desert on your lonesome it is a requirement of tactical enthusiasts that you wear your multicam or ATACS everywhere you go. And be sure to brag about all your gear to your friends who don't have enough money to afford it...That is the most important!

Of course this is satire possibly based off of he habits of a certain enthusiast in particular. No Mall Ninjas were harmed in the making of this article.


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