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The Ins and Outs of Lucha Underground: Episode 29
It's time! It's time! It's Lucha Underground time! That's right, it's Wednesday, which means the best wrestling promotion going today is returning this evening. And tonight's card will be stacked; I'm talking Double Stuffed Oreos stacked. There will be a Johnny Mundo match. There will be a Lucha Underground Championship match. There will be another Vampiro interview for the win, the whole win AND NOTHING BUT THE WIN! Oh, and there will also be a Death Match. I think I'm going to start this column now before I burst into excitement. ON WITH THE SHOW!
Johnny Mundo vs. Aerostar
What to Expect: Am I the only one who feels bad for this match? Any other week, and Mundo vs. Aerostar is a prime time bout and perhaps even a potential main event. This week, it's more than likely an opening bout. That just goes to show you how loaded the show is. Regardless of placement, my expectations are higher than Chris Tucker in Friday. Johnny Mundo was already dynamite in the ring, and now he's just turned rudo. I expect to see the aggression from him at over 9,000 levels. And don't sleep on Aerostar. Dude never has a bad match, and quietly has been quite successful recently. This is no Puma vs. Marty the Moth match here. Of course how could it be, as Marty the Moth is simply one of the greatest things about the LU right now. Will he be on this show? I demand he be on this show! WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH!
Winner: Mundo. You think they'd turn him and then have him lose out of the gate? I know Aerostar has a thing for acting as a spoiler (see Jack Evans' debut a few weeks ago), but it's not happening here. The real question is does Alberto El Patron return to attack Mundo. I'm guessing we still have a few more weeks. The man got thrown through a window for crying out loud. I wouldn't doubt that Dos Caras or Ricardo Rodriguez is still helping him pick the glass out of his face, the poor bastard.
Lucha Underground Championship Match
Prince Puma (c) vs. Hernandez
What to Expect: You ever hear of The Who's song "A Quick One While He's Away"? The title of that song will prove to best describe this match. I can't see this going any longer than Puma's match with the Moth last week. I know the show is longer than it seems (an hour isn't that short of a time), but do people actually expect this to get a ton of time when Fenix vs. Mil Muertes: Death Match edition is happening? Say what you will about Hernandez (many have), but this match deserves to headline an LU episode one of these days, and unless the Death Match is inexplicably bumped down, that's not happening here. Thus, I expect we'll see more story than action here, as a way to build towards the eventual big match between these two. I'm not complaining; more Fenix vs. Mil is just fine by me.
Winner: No contest. I've been saying for weeks that Konnan's turn against Puma is coming, and I think this is the spot. I say Konnan gets in the ring following Hernandez going for a weapon, teases blasting Hernandez and then blasts Puma with his cane while Vampiro freaks out at the announcers table for finally being proven right about Konnan. Puma will get his revenge in a few weeks time kids, don't you worry.
Fenix vs. Mil Muertes
What to Expect: On a scale from one to LUGER WON THE TITLE!, I'm right at LUGER WON THE TITLE! levels. And I don't even know what this match even is! What is a death match? Is it an "actual fight to the death"? Are they going to glue glass to their hands like Ian and Axl Rotten did back in mid 90's ECW? Will there be fire? Thunder? Lightning? The Skeletor army we saw a few weeks back? Boobs (trick question; there will be boobs because Catrina is there)? Those awesome Day with the Dead people who came out before and after the awesome Grave Consequences match these two had? SO MANY QUESTIONS! In the words of Joey Tribianni, I don't know what any of this means, but I want to be a part of it!
And here's why; these two dudes are just absolutely unbelievable. If you haven't see Grave Consequences, I strongly suggest you do so (I'll provide the link below) because might've been the best match this year. Fenix is an absolute beast, perhaps the most exciting young luchadore since Rey Mysterio Jr wowed American audiences nearly twenty years ago. And Mil Muertes, unlike what WWE and Bray Wyatt would have you believe, is the most frightening wrestling alive today, a frightening combination of mystery, emotion and violence. I don't know if this match will live up to Grave Consequences, but I get the feeling it at least comes close. This will be the match of the night, and yet another amazing chapter in one of 2015's best rivalries.
Winner: Mil Muertes. For one, Fenix won the last match. That may not seem like a big deal (how many times has John Cena won every match of a feud?), except that Mil disappeared for a few weeks, was "resurrected" by Catrina and is now evidently stronger than ever. That sound like a dude who should lose? Mil takes it, in what I expect to be a glorious finish that sees Fenix broken like Batman at the end of Knightfall. The lesson, as always; don't piss off Mil. And don't steal his woman, even if it's all part of the plan. Sorry Fenix.
That'll do it guys. I'll be back later tonight with another lucha related column, and I'll be back tomorrow with a look at how the show went. Before I go, I want to give a special shout out to my buddy/hype man Matt Mortensen. Get better buddy, the Anaheim Ducks need you! Alright, till next time, say no to drugs, say yes to that cute as hell girl from those new Subway commercials, have a Pepsi, watch Lucha Underground, watch the Lucha Libre World Cup if you haven't already, send me the link for the Lucha Libre World Cup after you've watched it, LOLSeppBlatter, go Cubs go, and as always, WE WANT THE MOTH! WE WANT THE MOTH!