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Tom Brady's Hair

Updated on January 2, 2011

Fail Pattern Baldness

The New England Patriots own the best record in the AFC, Quarterback Tom Brady has thrown a whopping 27 touchdowns and even Coach Bill Belichick has cast aside any lingering doubts of his abilities following that whole "Spygate" thing. Clearly, the 2010 campaign has been quite a success for Beantown's football squad, as the Pats have put on a veritable clinic for most of their opponents this season.

But there's another clinic currently grabbing almost as many headlines as the team's on-the-field performance this season. And that's where things have gotten hairy.

Much ado has been made about three time Super Bowl winner Tom Brady's out-of-control locks this year. The normally well-coiffed Brady entered training camp looking like Fabio's stunt double, and since then has allowed his impressive mane to flow, ever more femininely, into a hairstyle only Conan the Barbarian could truly appreciate. He's been compared to Justin Bieber (not a compliment by any stretch of the imagination), and Brady's new hairstyle even crept its way into an ugly incident with former (and quite disgruntled) Patriots receiver, Randy Moss. Yeah, the same Randy Moss - whose beard has more in common with every homeless person I've ever seen - had the gall to implore Tom Brady to cut his "girly" hair. Well, we all have opinions.

Truth be told, Brady's absurd hairstyle has garnered even more attention than the Pats' play this year, but "Hairgate" reached its apex only recently when Tom's car (allegedly) was seen parked outside a hair restoration clinic.

There had been rumblings earlier in the year that Brady's refusal to cut his hair comes as a last stand against male pattern baldness. And the dirt gets deeper when Giselle Bundchen, lovely supermodel wife of the star quarterback, is allegedly more to blame than Brady is. Some additional rumors implicate Giselle as the primary perpetrator for Tom's appalling 'do, as the famed model, apparently, refuses to be married to (or at least seen in public with) a cueball. In short, this is less about Brady's own vanity and much more about his wife's baldness bias.

How this is worthy of headlines (or an article by yours truly) is more than this tiny brain can fathom, but it's certainly "hair" today, more than likely not gone tomorrow. That's right. Unless "Tom Terrific" goes into the off-season and acquires the hair plugs his wife so desires, then returns to the field in 2011 with his normal 'do under that silver helmet, this story won't go away.

And if the Patriots recent play is any indication, New England may be bound for yet another Super Bowl. Can you imagine even more chatter, blogs, news stories and tabloid-style speculation on this? It's enough to make you want to pull your ha-... I'll just stop right there.

Tom Brady and the Patriots have been spectacular on the field this year. It pains me deeply to say this (I'm an Indianapolis Colts and Buffalo Bills fan), but giving credit where it's do is necessary as a sports fan. And maybe the 'do has something to do with the team's success this year. Of course, the pundits will point to the outstanding running of Benjarvus Green-Ellis (yeah, that's only one guy) and the out-of-nowhere, do-anything play of Danny Woodhead as equal parts of the Patriots' excellent season.

This sports fan, on the other hand, tends to lean toward Tom's crazy hair being as much a part of his stellar play as the many great role-players around him. Brady's onfield feats have been positively biblical in 2010; he's an NFL Samson not necessarily seeking a Delilah. To cut the hair that has brought them this far is akin to Austin Powers willfully giving up his mojo... or any other dated reference I can come up with.

Let's just let Tom and his wife keep their coiffure quibbles among themselves, and allow the rest of the Pats' season (and Brady's ridiculous locks) to go and grow however luck and nature intend.

But after all that, a more reasonable haircut will definitely be in order. A visit with the barber is long overdue.


Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake: Struttin' and cuttin' since 1987!
Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake: Struttin' and cuttin' since 1987! | Source

Posted December 7, 2010 


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