A Much Better Ultima Lucha II Prediction Column Than the Last One!
Get ready for some game changing info folks; Ultima Lucha II is only five episodes away. You read that right; in the midst of all this fun and surprisingly great Chavo Guerrero matches we’ve been witnessing, the Grand Papi of Them All is slowly creeping up on us at Speed Racer level pace. After these next five episodes we’ll begin the first of three shows Ultima Lucha takes up, starting with two one hour episodes before culminating in what is hopefully to be a tour de force two hour roller coaster that sends season two to sleep and begins our journey to season three. What does all of this information mean? It means it’s time for me to preview just how Ultima Lucha II is going to shake out.
Now you may all recall that I tried a column similar to this right before season two started. And well, a quick look at that column will show that I was absolutely off on everything. The lesson as always; when you predict something several months before the season has even started, chances are you’re going to look like Randy Savage after reading reviews of his rap album. This time around I’m a tad more organized do to a) knowing how many nights UL II will have, b) actually knowing what the storylines are instead of flat out guessing and c)…actually scratch that there is no c. Sure there’s no guarantee any of what I predict here happens (I do have a couple of reaches here) and I’d venture to guess there’s one twist or two coming up that will have me ripping this column up March Madness style. For now though, I feel pretty good this is how UL II will shape out. So with that, let’s take a look shall we? Moses, you know what time it is.
Ultima Lucha II Part 1
Triple Threat Trios Match for the Trios Championship
The Wyld Stallions (c) vs. Ivelisse, Luchador Sopresa and Son of Havoc vs. Fenix, Drago and Aerostar
Let’s get the elephant in the room out of the way first; yes I totally missed the opportunity to call Mundo, Jack and P.J. the Wyld Stallions during my column last night and yes I totally missed the blatantly obvious Bill and Ted reference when the trio went into their whole air guitar routine. Let’s just pretend that whole Inventors of Modern Lucha Libre name I came up with never happened and just get on with calling Johnny, Jack and Mr. Black Wyld Stallions from here on in. I’ll even bring those memory wiper things from Men in Black to make it happen.
Now onto the second thing you’re wondering; where in the name of Stewart Gilligan Griffin is the Lucha Justice League?! Yes it sure seems like Rey, Puma and Azteca Jr. should and will be in this match as things stand, but I’m thinking those guys will get a rematch for the belts prior to UL II and events in that match will lead to them branching off into other, equally exciting areas. Thus that leaves us with two possibilities; either Fenix (who was knocked the fuck out by Mundo last night) joins up with Ivelisse and Havoc (also feuding with Mundo) to take on the new Trios Champions, or Fenix sides with his King of Trios winning teammates while Ivelisse and Havoc find a new partner while Angelico recovers from his injuries (WE MISS YOU ANGELICO!). The former seems most likely but I’ll go with the latter; remember that Drago and Aerostar both have scores to settle with Jack and P.J. still and my goodness, wouldn’t you much rather have a three way match between these teams instead of just a regular trios match? I mean it's good, but it’s no three way featuring the smarmiest rudo team to ever live, two thirds of the Greatest Trios Team to Ever Live and the King of Trios. I say we get that and we see them given the whole first hour of UL II to deliver a trios masterpiece. And yes, a death defying Aerostar leap will be included!
Ultima Lucha II Part 2
Killshot and Luchador Sopresa vs. Marty “The Moth” Martinez and Mariposa
I’m pretty sure there’s no question that Killshot and Marty will be tangling at UL II in some capacity; you don’t just steal a traumatized soldier’s dog tags and then expect to successfully avoid him for long after all! At the same token this is a feud that seems to have legs, which leads me to believe this match will serve to set up something bigger between these two come season three. So instead of a one on one encounter we’ll see a tag; Marty will bring Mariposa to the party while Killshot…who knows? Maybe we finally get a glimpse of one of his old army buddies? Maybe he gets former pal The Mack involved, which would make sense considering his history with The Moth’s (my guess; probably not). Whatever the case this match will serve as a prelude to the next chapter in a rivalry that has major potential to make both Killshot and Marty into stars. And that’s a good thing; the people want The Moth to be a star. THE PEOPLE NEED THE MOTH TO BE A STAR!
Seven Way Match for the Gift of the Gods Championship
Sexy Star vs. Chavo Guerrero vs. Texano vs. Cage vs. The Mack vs. Daga vs. Mascarita Sagrada
Cage’s decision to cash in the Gift of the Gods Championship means we’ll be seeing the Aztec Medallions distributed yet again in the near distant future, which means yet another seven way match is coming up. And unfortunately for poor Cage, me including him in this match means he’s kinda sorta not beating Matanza next week for the Lucha Underground Championship. Sorry Brian; at least you still got the Terminator shtick and that beautiful "Make America Great Again" stuff going on!
If you actually look at this list of participants you’ll notice there isn’t really a big change from the first seven way Gift of the Gods match this season, with Sexy, Chavo, Texano and Big Willie all returning for a second go around (you could also include Cage here considering he did win a Medallion the first time around). That’s not a bad thing though considering the first match was more about establishing the Chavo-Cage rivalry some more, which means we’ll likely see more time given to this one. That doesn’t mean there won’t be stories here though; Daga’s presence will mean Kobra Moon isn’t far behind (I almost put her in this match, but she doesn’t need to be in it to continue her romantic pursuit of Daga), the Mascarita-Famous B stuff will surely continue and Chavo-Cage, even with Cage’s victory last night, still has legs. Given most of the second part of UL II to work with will help make this match a potential show stealer. It’s also the match I’m most likely to be wrong about, which just goes to tell you it’s very hard to pick all seven contestants for a seven way match right.
Ultima Lucha II Part 3
El Dragon Azteca Jr. vs. Black Lotus
We’ve reached the big show and we’re starting off with the first match to involve a member of the Lucha Justice League. I’m sure some will be confused by the inclusion of this match because, let’s face it, I’ve had more screen time than Black Lotus recently. But the fact that she hasn’t been around means little when you consider a) we already know El Dragon Azteca Jr. and Lotus trained together under the original Dragon Azteca, thus giving them built in history b) Azteca Jr. seems to be under the impression that Lotus and him are working together to bring El Jefe down and c) Lotus killed the original Azteca and it’s only a matter of time before his protégé finds out. Are we thinking Azteca Jr. is just going to take that calmly or something? Certainly the argument can be made that this feud will be explored more in the third season, but that scene from a few weeks ago where Azteca Jr. confronted Lotus (and Lotus lied right to his face) leads me to believe the pieces are in place for something more immediate. We’re getting this match soon folks, and I’m thinking UL II soon. The question then becomes how good will this match be; we’ve seen the brilliance of Azteca Jr., but Lotus remains an in ring question mark even after two seasons. For that alone this might be the most interesting match UL II produces.
Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno
There are locks, there are mortal locks and then there’s Mil Muertes vs. King Cuerno, an Ultima Lucha match that’s such a lock Harry Flynn couldn’t pick it. Unless there’s a huge swerve coming up that we don’t know about this match will happen at UL II, which means Mil is finding his way out of that glass coffin and good lord I hope Deer Antlers is out hunting when that happens. Oh, and if I were a betting man I’d put all my money on this match being the best of the entire two shows, which is saying something considering what else is going on. The Beast King and former Immortan vs. the most diabolical hunter since the so called Beautiful? How can this not be epic? The only downside is…there is no downside. This matchup is legit that good.
Rey Mysterio vs. Prince Puma
It’s time for what might be the biggest reach in this whole column. There have been no signs of Mysterio and Puma, two partners as of now, looking to lock horns any time soon. So why would I predict this match? As you’ve already seen I don’t foresee the Lucha Justice League being involved in the Trios Titles scene and once you take that away there’s really nothing else for these two do except a) go for an Aztec Medallion or b) fight each other. I’ll go with the latter and I’ll say something in that Trios Title rematch the Justice League gets will lead to this. Maybe Puma or Mysterio accidentally costs the other the match, leading to dissention. Maybe they lose and El Jefe, evil genius that he is, looks to fracture the team by putting Mysterio and Puma against each other while playing to their egos. Maybe the two just decide to show the world what they can do by putting on an absolute lucha clinic. I don’t know the reason; I just know that Mysterio (who hasn’t had a singles match yet in Lucha Underground by the way) is going to be given a chance to fly solo, and there’s no better dream opponent for him than the man who is considered by many to be this generation’s Rey Mysterio. Look for this to be the lucha libre equivalent of the Vampiro-Pentagon match from last year. Speaking of that Pentagon fellow…
Lucha Underground Championship Match
Matanza (c) vs. Pentagon Jr.
Other than Cuerno-Mil there’s one other stone cold lock for UL II and it’s this bout. No encounter has featured more buildup then this one; we saw Matanza destroy Pentagon several episodes ago and we’re now in the middle of Pentagon’s journey back to becoming the man of Cero Miedo, a path that involves Vampiro doing everything but water board poor Pentagon. There’s no other place to go except for Pentagon to challenge Matanza again and that’s exactly what will happen in the Ultima Lucha main event. The question then becomes where LU goes from there. Is this finally where they crown Pentagon Jr. Lucha Underground Champion and officially make him the face of the promotion (if he isn’t already)? Does Matanza beat him down again to solidify his dominance and make a million wrestling fans cry out in terror? Does Pentagon, who has made clear that breaking bones and kicking ass is more important to him than titles, beat Matanza down and then lose intentionally having proven his point (while simultaneously humiliating El Jefe and his brother)? Or will Pentagon get screwed by a) Vampiro, b) the Councilman’s dark lord who arrives to put the screws to everyone or c) the local police who finally carry out a raid on the Temple as this match is reaching its conclusion (you’ll notice Joey Ryan, Cortes Castro and newly imprisoned Mr. Cisco are strangely not wrestling on this card. That’s not coincidence)? I mean sure this match will be bonkers good in its own right, but the conclusion of this bout and season two of Lucha Underground in general will be what keeps everyone glued to the screen.
That’ll do it folks. I’m off till tomorrow, where I and a few others will begin a massive UEFA Euro 2016 preview column! Till then, I give you the Melissa Santos face of disgust! The fact that I forgot to mention that in last night’s column is almost as bad the Bill and Ted miss.
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