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Zdeno Chara Vs. Bigfoot

Updated on February 10, 2011
The beast of Europe!
The beast of Europe!
The beast of...the. Woods?
The beast of...the. Woods?

Battle of the Beasts.

If you watch hockey, you know who Zdeno Chara is. This man is 6'9 and 261 lbs. He is also the tallest man to ever play in the NHL. He has won the hardest shot competition for the NHL All-Star game for the last 3 years in a row. He owns the record for hardest shot as well (105.4 MPH/ 169.7 KM/H). When he hits you...it. It's like when you're driving and you see that fly hit your window and SPLAT!! He makes every hockey player wish they had chosen to become ballet dancers (Side note: Black Swan was an amazing movie). Hell, when I see hockey players get hit by him, I am THANKFUL I don't play professional hockey.

Watch as Chara goes at Tyler Ennis like a shark.

So I started thinking, who could take this man down?! I realized only one thing could take on such a man...Bigfoot. Bigfoot's not real though! Yes he is. There are pictures everywhere on Google! Look at the picture I got for this Hub. I'll wait as you scroll up...See! He's real! I wish there really was a sarcasm font Arj Barker. In this article I'm going to break down their fight. There will be 2 fights, each in their own habitat. Ice rink and woods. Then I will call the final verdict.

The Woods

Bigfoot's Hood

First, I'm going to start with Bigfoot's territory. I feel it would be a close battle between the two. Bigfoot knows his area well, Chara will be looking around for him aimlessly, but Bigfoot will know exactly where he is like a super breed of a Ninja and the Predator. Bigfoot will jump down from a tree and land down on Chara like Batman does in every movie. Bigfoot will throw him a few times like he does in those hilarious Jack Links Beef Jerky commercials...

Then, as Bigfoot goes to grab Chara, Chara starts biting him (he's Slovakian, they're always hungry). This is where Chara messes up. Chara gets annoyed because he gets hair in his mouth and is really concentrating on getting it out of his mouth (from experience, I know it feels like you're trying to diffuse a bomb sometimes). As Chara is distracted getting the hair or should I say hairs, Bigfoot comes full speed, clotheslines Chara so hard that the hair in Chara's mouth fly out and he is knocked cold. Bigfoot stands over Chara victoriously while eating a Jack Link's Beef Jerky (you would think I was sponsored by Jack Link's Beef Jerky. I'm not...or am I. Ahhh, see that).

The Rink

Zdeno Chara will win this one. Plain and simple. He's a professional hockey player, duh. Bigfoot will not be able to have skates because his feet are TOO big to fit into any skates. Hence the name, Bigfoot. Bigfoot will be slipping around the ice and Chara will just go around him in circles, singing the Slovakian National anthem, while hitting him over and over again.

The Verdict

Even strength. Chara and Bigfoot will hug it out because they will find out they're long lost brothers. Their parents you ask? Oprah and a bear.

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