A Biased Look at Sports
The Top 10 Laker New Year's Resolutions For 2011
Once again it's time for everyone to offer their obligatory new year's resolutions. A token gesture for most, but for a few there is the belief that they will truly devote themselves to making some changes that will somehow improve their lives. Lets examine what the top ten Laker resolutions should be and we'll see throughout the course of the season if they are capable of change or if they truly lack the faith.
10. Phil Jackson has implied that win or lose, retirement awaits. For 2011, the Zen Master should just say what he means and mean what he says. Promise us, Phil. Win or lose, this will indeed be your last season.
9. Kobe Kobe Kobe...After a much overhyped, anti-climatic blowout on Christmas Day, you reminded us what happens when you don't share the basketball and followed that performance by going 8 for 27 from the field against the Spurs. Kobe's resolution? That he will lose the "I'm not just the first and best option, but when we struggle I'm the only option" mentality once and for all and trust his teammates.
8. Superstitious anyone? If there's any creedence to the Kardashian winning streak, then Lamar Odom's marriage to Khloe may be the difference. As simple as it sounds, Lamar's resolution need only be maintaining the status quo or "Keeping up with the Kardashians" so to speak.
7. Trade to get Sasha back. Not only did the "The Machine" make the championship clinching free throws last year, but he's also engaged to Maria Sharapova. So it's really like getting her back and how can that be a bad thing?
6. Donate a $1000 for every 3-pointer Ron Artest misses. This may not deter him from taking any ill-advised threes, but hit or miss something good happens. Then again, Ronnie might just start missing on purpose. Then again, if he tries to miss he might make more. So it's still win-win regardless.
5. Don't start Fisher. The numbers don't lie. Your starting pg can't average just under 3 apg. So if the game's on the line, Mr. Fisher can be "The Man", but for the most part he should be on "The Bench".
4. Cut ticket prices. It may be too late for this season, but the millions saved on not having a Laker parade this year would offset the dip in revenue from lowering next season's ticket prices. Then the average fan doesn't have to choose between going to a Laker game or buying a plasma tv and staying home to watch the game.
3. Take Clipper home games off your schedule. The world champs should not have the advantage of playing more home games than the rest of the league. It's bad enough they get to play the Clippers four times. So when they play the Clippers at "home" can you at least make it in San Diego?
2. Make Pau cut his hair. Pau can learn a lot from little brother Marc, who is well groomed. You are not Sampson, but after all, cleanliness is next to Godliness, and in this case clean cut.
1. Play it straight, Phil. Don't use the media to get into the heads of the referees and play mind games with your opponents. We know you wanted to disrupt "the process" in Miami by giving your take on their situation. Are you sure you weren't just trying to make sure that Pat Riley and Coach Spoelstra stay where they are? It obviously irks you when you have to participate in those interviews that the NBA mandates in between quarters. You purposely say or reveal as little as possible and that seems very hypocritical of you. How about you just trust your coaching ability and players instead of trying to gain an advantage.
When all is said and done, some things never change and they are who they are. Love 'em or hate 'em. Happy New Year, Lakers...
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