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The Awful Truth About Girl Scout Cookies
Girl Scout Cookies
Contrary to cleverly concocted conspiracy theories, evidence now suggests that girl scout cookies were not, in fact, used to pacify the Vietcong in Vietnam. Nor are girl scout cookies made of girl scouts, or other contentious nonsense. Sales proceeds were not to be blame for the overthrowing of the Shah in Iran, and girl scouts are almost certainly not reptilians.
Instead, this hub will take an in-depth look at the history and contemporary nature of cookies by dispersing the campaign of disinformation cast over the rest of us by the perenially hungry and envious. Without further a-do I present to you the awful (and honestly not so awful) truth about girl scout cookies.
Girl Scouts of America?
Our story begins on the well-kept walk-way of the youth organization known as the Girl Scouts of America (GSUSA). A youth organization that instills self-confidence, altruism and sense of order to the wild, unruly female populace of this day and age.
The first act of voluntary cookie selling (not to be confused with the for-profit variant known colloquially as hustling) took place in black-and-white 1917, in a far-away land called Muskogee (Oklahoma) by the pioneering Mistletoe troop. All proceeds from the sales of these ancient girl scout cookies went to charity (there, it is said).
After the vast success of this initial campaign, headquarters began to mull the idea of product expansion throughout the country. But it was in the glorious, sun-baked days of 1933 that a breakthrough occurred. The first ever business to business cookie sale was organized in Philadelphia, and the irresistible sugar cookie went viral (poor choice of words perhaps).
Everyone loves cookies. Let's face it. It isn't a leap in faith, then, to see why the initiative took flight. Retailers began to queue-up for cookie licensing at such a profilic rate that girl scouts, the colorful drones of the enterprise, were accorded the benefits of a little trickle-down economics.
Girls were not awarded affiliate cash per sale, however they were given points, stuffed animals and other random objects as a reward for their unquestioned labor. Which is great, because otherwise it would be child labor.
As their popularity grew, the public not only expected their girl scout cookie, they also came to demand them. When times grew rough, as in the turbulent war-time year of 1943, shortages of flour and other primary ingredients led to a horrific tragedy that might well have led to this aricle being named Girl Scouts Calendars. I shall speak no more of it.
Girl Scout Cookie Types
There are dozens of fantastic authentic girl scout cookie types today. Although some are undoubtedly more popular than others.
According to a related Wikipedia article, to date, the best-selling cookies are:
- Thin Mints (Responsible for 25% of all recorded sales!)
- Samoas (19%)
- Tagalongs (13%)
- Do-si-dos (11%)
- Trefoils (9%)
My research has led me on a roller-coaster ride that does little to discount the premise of this article. Girl Scout Cookies follow the absolute pinnacle of moral and financial standards. You'll excuse my defensive tone, but its just a cookie.
The haters can just -- (use the comment section for feedback ;) ) go away!!
I'd like to thank you all for dropping by, if you swing by Rome feel free to send my some cookies, preferably the 1936, well kept, sugar variant.
Thank in advance!