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Whiskey Dick

Updated on April 25, 2013

Behind the Scenes of the Rodeo

My name is Richard Waters, but my friends call me Whiskey Dick cause I love the booze. Thanks to the internet, any idiot can find out who's looking for rodeo clown help. My search took 6 months but I finally landed with Extreme Rodeo. My experience taught me that rodeo clowns are selfless people who put themselves in harms way to save their co-workers. It is absolutely one of the most dangerous jobs on the planet. Buckle up Bronco, you're about to get a behind the scenes look at the life of a rodeo clown.

Welcome to Extreme Rodeo

Get in your barrel rookie!

My first day on the job, my boss pulled me aside and said, "You're here because hiring a bunch of chimps would be too expensive!" That was my introduction to the rodeo. The job is quit simple: Distract the bull so the rider can escape without getting injured.

A rodeo clown does not carry many tools. We were armed with a cattle prod, clown make-up and occasionally a T-Shirt gun that we would use to pump up the crowd.

During the day, the cowboys and rodeo clowns would practice. As a rookie, what I was supposed to do and what I actually did were two seperate things.

My first actual rodeo was in Tulsa. The outdoor stadium was filled to capacity with adoring fans. I can still remember jogging out to my barrel and noticing how peaceful the night sky looked.

Showtime.

The announcer's voice booms over the speakers as he announces the rider's name. The gate violently swings open and it becomes painfully obvious that the bull is not happy about having a passenger on his back. The cowboy tried his best but was thrown after 3 seconds.

It all happened so fast!

I jumped out of my barrel and ran as fast as I could trying to remember what I was taught in training.

"Boogie Boogie Boogie," I yelled at the bull.

He set his eyes on me and suddenly I was running as fast as I could in my clown costume. I was so scared that I lost my bearings and instead of running in a z formation back to my barrel, I freaked and just started running all over the ring like a crazy man.

Tragically, I ran full speed into the cowboy, knocking him directly into the bull's path. He was absolutely leveled!

From the crowd's perspective it must have looked like I pushed him, but I swear it was accidental.

Panicked, I hopped over the gate to save myself while our helpless cowboy was pummeled by the massive animal. That poor man suffered two cracked ribs, a concussion, crushed testicles and sever internal bleeding.

The only reason I didn't get fired was because the media picked up on the story and the owner thought people might come to see me at the next night's rodeo.

Whew! I was relieved, yet I still felt somewhat guilty about the injured cowboy.

Booze & Bulls Don't Mix

The only way I was going to climb back in my barrel was through the help of some strong alcohol. I polished off half a bottle of whiskey and stumbled out to my spot on the field. The promoters gave me the T-Shirt gun, which I was supposed to shoot out to the crowd in between riders.

It's important that you remember that I was drunk when you hear about what I ended up doing that night. Let me put it another way, I was fearless drunk and very eager to do whatever it took to put on a good show.

In a matter of minutes the buzzer rang, the crowd went nuts and a very angry bull charged out with our most popular rider, Boo Jenkins trying to hang on. Boo lasted 7 seconds, which is a big deal in the rodeo world. The crowd was fired up!

I was drunk and very jealous that Boo was getting all of the attention. Since the crowd seemed to like it when the other cowboy got injured, I decided to kick things up a bit.

I ran out of my barrel, grasping the cattle prod firmly in my right hand. I was racing all over the place to avoid the bull, but my real goal was to get to Jenkins. I was running full speed towards him, like a linebacker after a quarterback. Once I got close enough, I drove the cattle prod into his back, instantly dropping him to his knees.

The crowd was more horrified than pleased. Jenkins, in great pain, looked up at me and said, "Why? What the hell did I ever do to you?"

I felt horrible and the once loving crowd had suddenly turned against me. It was time for me to go to plan B. Sprinting back to my barrel, I took out the t-shirt gun as other rodeo clowns flooded the ring to chase me down. I was firing the T-Shirt gun at the rodeo clowns to keep them away. Suddenly I remember the other clowns clearing out and jumping the wall. I cautiously turned around and saw the bull charging at me full speed from the opposite end of the ring.

Bam! I felt myself floating through the air. For a moment everything was so peaceful. Then the pain flooded my body. I remember being violently slammed to the ground, then speared by the bull's horn. I passed out a few seconds later from the pain.

I don't remember the next 3 months.

When I got out of the coma, I assumed that I would still have a job and that Extreme Rodeo would pay for all my medical bills, plus a little extra for all my pain and suffering. Believe it or not, they had fired me the night of the incident and refused to pay my medical bills!

I've been trying to get new work with a different rodeo but it's like the industry black-balled me.

My message to aspiring rodeo clowns: THE RODEO IS ALL ABOUT POLITICS AND KISSING BUTT TO GET UP THE LADDER!

Rodeo Clown Lifestyle

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    • CoolFool83 profile image

      CoolFool83 4 years ago

      This is an awesome lense!

    • AstroGremlin profile image

      AstroGremlin 4 years ago

      You were a bad rodeo clown. Sorry you went into a coma, though.

    • profile image

      Didge 5 years ago

      Nice one GuyB :)

    • profile image

      sherioz 5 years ago

      I don't know why everyone's going on about your wife. Guess I started in the wrong place, eh? I think you could still apply for a job in Spain. Do they use clowns in bullfights?

    • WriterJanis2 profile image

      WriterJanis2 5 years ago

      You are a wonderful story teller. Loved reading this.

    • profile image

      NuMil3Design 5 years ago

      I love your work !

    • joannejgg lm profile image

      joannejgg lm 5 years ago

      It sounds like you were not meant to be a rodeo clown.

    • iWriteaLot profile image

      iWriteaLot 5 years ago

      OK. I loved the lens but I hate your ex-wife. Great story!

    • profile image

      anonymous 5 years ago

      You are an absolute source of encouragement to all and certainly have lifted my spirits making my life look pretty darn good!

    • DANCING COWGIRL profile image

      Dancing Cowgirl Design 5 years ago from Texas

      I love the Cowboys, I Love the Clowns, I Love the Rodeo eo eo... From an old song Moe Bandy I think. Nice Lens, sorry about your accident and short lived dream.

    • profile image

      the777group lm 6 years ago

      @GuyB LM: Forever and ever - lucky Guy

    • mythphile profile image

      Ellen Brundige 6 years ago from California

      Why did I have any doubts about the groundhog lens?

      Bonkers.

    • ChemKnitsBlog2 profile image

      ChemKnitsBlog2 6 years ago

      As always, a pleasure to read!

    • triathlontraini1 profile image

      triathlontraini1 7 years ago

      That is so cool! Not only for you to follow your dream, but also for your loving wife to be so supportive. That's fantastic!

    • GuyB LM profile image
      Author

      GuyB LM 7 years ago

      @triathlontraini1: I hope that's sarcasm. Supportive??? She cheated on me, took all my money and wanted me dead for my life insurance. It's more like deranged and abusive.

    • VarietyWriter2 profile image

      VarietyWriter2 7 years ago

      For your efforts you deserve SquidAngel Blessings :)

    • profile image

      anonymous 7 years ago

      It's a funny lens and I'll come to your lens now and then.

      Great work.

    • norma-holt profile image

      norma-holt 7 years ago

      This story is just so funny. Sorry you lost your wife and everything. You are a good writer and must do more of these. Blessed and featured on Sprinkled with Stardust

    • sheriangell profile image

      sheriangell 7 years ago

      Another great humor lens! Keep them coming, OK?

    • PNWtravels profile image

      Vicki Green 7 years ago from Wandering the Pacific Northwest USA

      Thanks for the laughs!

    • Stazjia profile image

      Carol Fisher 7 years ago from Warminster, Wiltshire, UK

      You made me laugh again.

    • Maximille LM profile image

      Maximille LM 7 years ago

      Oh bananarama, clowns live a poor life, that's for sure. Hopefully you keep on entertaining us with lenses like this.