Beginner's Guide to Fantasy Smack Talk
Smack Talk For Rookies
Talking smack is a critical skill to being a successful fantasy sports coach. This guide provides you an introduction to the various styles of fantasy smack talk plus tips and ideas to improve your smack talk skills.
Take your fantasy smack talk to the next level in 2017!
Smack vs. Trash Talk
In this guide, the terms smack talk and trash talk are considered to mean the same thing. Some people get hung up on different definitions for each because they have no talent and lots of free time during fantasy playoffs to make up definitions.
I Am The Greatest!
Self Promoting Smack Talk
Talking yourself up is a classic smack talk technique. Hey, if you don't believe your team will dominate the league, cruise through playoffs and win the championship, no one else will either.
Most people talk a good game before the draft but some turn it into an art form throughout the season.
There's a guy in one of my leagues who's a pro at this. He consistently hypes his team and abilities all season long. Nearly every post he makes mentions that his team will win the championship, that he'll give everyone a lesson in fantasy football, that he'll teach us how to evaluate players and make trades. The frustrating part is that he almost always gets to the championship.
Rude, Crude and Obscene
Put the Trash in Trash Talk
This is one of the easiest and most common smack talk styles. Why? All you have to do is let loose with some name calling and foul language. You've probably been trash talking this way since 3rd grade.
Telling the target where they can go, how to get there and what will be done to certain body parts along the way is a popular tactic. It may also include a few descriptive words about family lineage and/or ethnic background.
Every fantasy league has its own personality and not all leagues appreciate cursing on their message boards. Know your league before dropping f-bombs.
Stat Based Smack Talk
Working fantasy stats into your smack is an easy way to show your opponent how much they suck. The numbers don't lie so you already have an advantage. Of course, only use the stats that make your team look good and your opponent look like junk.
Here are a few stats you can use...
- Win-Loss Record - If your opponent this week is 0-5, this is almost too easy. As long as you have a better record, you can use this.
- Fantasy Points- There are a few ways to work fantasy points into your smack:
* Compare overall total scores
* Look at the weekly points for each team and point out how many times you would have won against your opponent if you had played each other every week.
* Project how many weeks you can afford to take off and still have more fantasy points at the end of the season.
- Individual Player Stats - Compare your players' best stats against your opponent's players' worst stats. This may take more time to do right, depends on how closely you follow player stats.
- Historical Fantasy Season Matchups - Reminding the league that you have an 8-2 record against your opponent over the last 5 years is great smack. Tell the world you own him.
Educational and Informative
Belittle your opponents by offering them an "education" or "helpful advice" in fantasy football or whatever fantasy sport you're playing.
This is easiest when the target has just screwed up or made a questionable move or trade. Simply explain to them the basics of why dropping their second RB to cover a kicker's bye was a bad idea.
If they get upset or try to retaliate, offer to use smaller words next time.
Challenge Your Opponent's Manhood
Anything that tells the target they can't hang with the fantasy big dogs fits here. A common tactic is to state that your little sister, mother, grandmother or senile old aunt knows more about sports and can play fantasy football better.
Another variation is to suggest they would be better off with a more suitable hobby like knitting, bingo, tea parties or maybe a book club.
Old School Trash Talk
The Crusher was a world champion wrestler for 30 years. He was famous for trash talking his opponents before a match. Watch and learn.
Smack Talk Links
- How to Dish Out The Smack
An in depth analysis of laying down the smack. Learn how to recognize and use smackdicators.
- Say It With An E-Smack Card
Send your unlucky fantasy football or fantasy baseball opponent an electronic smack card courtesy of ESPN. Choose from several different cards and customize your smack talk!
Easy Smack Talk Targets
Obviously you'll want to trash talk your next opponent. Here are some other potential targets to work your smack magic on and maybe gain a little league respect at the same time.
- Whiners & Complainers - These are the owners who constantly gripe about their players or a league rule or anything else they can think to complain about. Show everyone you care and offer to call the 'Waaahmbulance' for him.
- Under Performers - This includes any team that is not living up to expectations. Losing teams who had a top 3 draft pick or a team that only scored half their projected points falls into this category.
- Teams Who Don't Learn - Everyone makes mistakes, but if a team makes a habit out of starting bye players, picking up worthless players, making bad sit/start decisions, pitching lame trade offers...then it's time to lay down the smack.
- League Loudmouth - Is there a guy in your league with a bad case of diarrhea of the mouth? He's now your target for a full smack talk assault. Take every stupid post he's made and tear it apart.
Work Related Smack Talk
A lot of fantasy leagues are work leagues. If you're in a work league you can add office rivalry to your smack talk arsenal. Here are a few examples to get started:
"How come the IT guys have time to send out 50 lame trade offers a day but it takes them a month to fix a PC?"
"If our sales reps would sell stuff instead of checking their fantasy roster all day, this company might turn a profit."
"Wow, those accounting guys and their fantasy stats spreadsheets are pretty impressive...too bad they forgot a column for bye week."
Smack Talk Tips
- The best way to smack talk successfully is to have a winning record to back it up.
- Your team name can be used as part of your smack. Customize it each week to send a message to your opponent.
- Never take smack talk personally. Once the other guy (or girl) knows they've gotten to you, they win.
- Be smart about trash talking a team that you want to make a trade with. Wait until after the trade is completed before telling the league what a fantasy moron the guy is.
- Wear a smack talking fantasy football t-shirt to your draft and league events.
- Have fun! Get creative with your smack talk.
Introduction to Fantasy Sports
The best way to talk smack is with a winning record to back it up. These beginners' guides will help you learn the basics and some advanced tricks of fantasy sports.
Lay down some of your favorite smack talk in the comments below. Just keep it clean (this is a G rated site).