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Grandma's Lingerie Hints For Married Men

Updated on October 12, 2009

Dear readers, I must confess that there's one major flaw in my men in lingerie articles. Though I have been in relationships with men, I've never been married, and many of those who read these articles are older than I, and have been married for quite some time, which results in something of a generation gap.

Youth is one thing, with its advocacy of revolution and its disregard for social norms, but sometimes you can't go past the voice of experience, so I asked my 75 year old grandmother what she thought about married men who wore lingerie.

She has strong marriage credentials, having been married in 1954 she was a genuine 1950's housewife, and stayed married for 37 years until my grandfather's death. I feel if anyone is qualified to talk about the nuances of old school relationships, she is. Be aware though, that grandma has long since past the point where she censors herself, and she was born long before political correctness was a twinkle in the eye of namby pamby conservatives, so chaps I warn you, some of this might be hard to hear, and you may disagree with it. I certainly do. However one needs opposing points of view to have a true debate, so for that reason I present to you grandma's opinions on men who wear lingerie within a marriage, and her helpful hints for chaps in this predicament.

"If you want a peaceful life, hide it." grandma says, nodding sagely, "It's a smart move not to go blowing your horn about it." She continues, "Ignorance is bliss when it comes to things like that."

Don't despair entirely at this point though, Grandma doesn't think that men shouldn't wear lingerie, she just thinks that men should hide it from their wives, so to go along with her viewpoints on the matter, grandma has some tips for men who don't tell their wives about wearing lingerie.

"Wait until she's gone out, gone shopping. Encourage her to have girl's nights out," she says.

For some men of course, this may add an additional thrill to the wearing of lingerie. Secrets can be fun, but I must warn that the discovery of such secrets can destroy a marriage or relationship. How can a woman feel close to a man who has hid something so very important to him, and if he hides that, then what else is he hiding?

Women do have inbuilt intuition, and if you're hiding something, I think that there is a good chance that she'll know something is up. The problem is that even though she does know you're hiding something, she won't know what it is, and she'll probably 3nd up thinking that it is something much worse than a little lingerie.

Is Grandma right? I don't know. Perhaps for her time she was. Perhaps we now live in a new, more open age. Or perhaps she was right, and her words do not speak to closeted fear, but wisdom regarding the fickleness of human nature. You decide.



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    • profile image


      9 years ago

      I too have to disagree with grandma. The ABSOLUTE worst thing one can do in any relationship is hide and therefore be untruthful. It will always bite you in the butt. If one holds NO secrets,it is better for both. Sadly most of the disdain and fury of the partner finding out your secret (and they will) is not really about your love of fem things. BUT instead that they view it as being lied too. Always a disaster. And it make rejection even more difficult. My wife (2nd) knew before we married. I think because I was upfront it gave her a chance to leave before investing in a life with me. Like most women,she knew most of the myths and few realities. We have now been married going on 39 years. And I NEVER have to hide my"dirty little secret" or fear she will catch me in panties,etc. Kind of reminds me of lyrics to a 70's song. "so often we live our lives in chains. And never know WE hold the keys"

    • detergentessex profile image


      10 years ago from London

      Sadly Grandma I have to disagree. the best thing I ever did was tell my wife (before we got married). She loves the feel of it and enjoys the heightened sexual experience we both have as a result.

    • profile image

      A Loyal Fan 

      10 years ago


      Had your grandfather worn panties in what he thought was secret, I am quite confident that your grandmother would have known. For the sake of family and peace, it was something that simply did not need to be discussed. Your grandmother and her peers are much better at compartmentalizing. I also suspect they are happier for it. If your grandfather worn panties would your grandmother have supported it in any fashion and under what terms? Would love your thoughts as well.

      A loyal fan.

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      10 years ago

      Given the chance to respond to comments, grandma says "Why go looking for trouble... peace at any price." Then she giggles and goes back to clipping coupons.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I disagree with Grannie. Keeping ones love for lingerie as a secret is difficult for the wearer as well as for the realtionship. It may go on for a while, but when it comes out - maybe after years of happy marriage - it can cause severe damage to the mutual trust in a relationship.

      Therefor I think it´s better to be open on this subject and let your partner know. How could you otherwise hope for understanding? I can imagine the feelings of the wife who finds out after years about her husbands wearing of lingerie. Ok the first date is not the right moment to talk about it, but after a while, when a relationship starts to become serious, that´s the right time.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      While I can agree with "honesty" in a relationship, I think there are a couple variables involved in this type of revelation. For starters, it depends on how long the secret has been kept. I think if you reveal this mode of dress early in a relationship you not only risk it being lost, you also risk being "outed" to your entire circle of mutual friends... something most of us are not willing to put on the table. After you have evloved into a genuine relationship, you run the risk of damaging something that is young and growing, another watershed that requires deep thought before crossing. As the years go by and you become a mature couple with family and a life long understanding of each other you risk the whole ball of wax by opening up with this type of admission.

      I think Grannie hit the nail on the head - unless you are willing to live it totally out in the public domain, then keep it to yourself. If you get caught, deal with it then - not before.

    • Stormy08 profile image


      10 years ago from Here, There, and Everywhere

      Hope, I too respect your Grandmothers thoughts. And perhaps, as you indicate, for her era it was the proper thing to do. I belong to several well-ran, organized, and clean cross-dressing sites, and hiding something like this from your wife is asking for trouble. As you indicate, it can be the start of big problems when she finds out - "You lied to me, you lied to me, you lied to me!!!! What else have you lied to me about?"

      It takes a long time to regain the trust she once had in you, and even then, she may not accept your penchant for lingerie. The overall feeling in those CD sites is that the future wife should be told as soon during your dating and courtship that you think she can handle it. If she is OK with it, she will make a good partner, if not, you probably need to drop her and find another who is accepting.

    • profile image


      10 years ago

      I think grandma's old school train of thought is not good in today's society or marriage. A man who is hiding his lingerie from his wife is hurting her and himself. If he cannot share his fashion sense with his own wife then he should not be married.

      Also, it is time for men to feel free to express themselves through fashion again. For thousands of years fashion was for men only and women were not allowed to express themselves through fashion. Now we have gone the other way and it is time for free fashion expression across both sexes.

      Take care, Troy

    • LatexLeah profile image


      10 years ago

      Wait, are you suggesting that political correctness is an invention of the Conservative right? Or is it a dig at the right for their consternation and dismay over the rampant political correctness in our society?

      Back to the topic at hand, every case is different. Some people, whether they're on the Left or the Right in the political spectrum, are more open minded and tolerant than others. To suggest that those on the Left are automatically more open minded is a tad naive.

    • profile image

      Just Me 

      10 years ago

      Although I am a great admirer of Grandma's and their wisdom, I think I have to disagree with that thought line. We have been happily married for just about 35 years and I don't feel keeping secrets from one another is the right way, even though I / we aren't of the youth group you speak of. Be open, be honest and things tend to ge a little better than public perception thinks or acts. Sometines "honesty" can bite you, depending on the relationship you have of course.....more often than not, it is the better way to go.


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