10 Uses For Men's New or Used Underwear

Did you know that when two men are truly equal is the time they stand face-to-face in their underwear. No pretense. No put-on. All is real and open for each other to see.

Many is the time that thoughts like this surface in my cluttered-mind and I am learning to just write them down, for someday, like today, they might prove valuable.

And the truth is, I have written pieces for and about the ladies a lot lately, so I think it's time for me to write something for us guys. An important piece. A timely-piece and a piece worth the remembering.

Men: When you rose this morning, and you were dressing for the day, did it occur to you just how valuable your underwear briefs (or boxers) were? Of course not. You, like everyone on earth, had your mind on business, the stock market, my birthday, Nov. 27, or just watching ESPN because it was Saturday.

If you had only known. And realized that the very briefs you were wearing were not just the same briefs you wore Friday, but your briefs were the most-important article of clothing you possess.

I am not knocking socks, shoes, or caps. They have their place. I just find it amazing that men have worn briefs for eons and have yet to realize their importance.

Guys, I hate to hurt your feelings, but to you, all of this time, you just took your Christmas gift, a pack of underwear, looked at the tag to see what Brand they were, and acted like you loved them.

Something to think about. Sure you are a man on the go, a go-getter, an ambitious junior partner in your ad agency, and you never even let the thought of your underwear invade your mind. How shameful. Wearing underwear, either boxers or briefs, are purely, to-the-core, American, buddy. Our military forces all wear underwear and are proud to do that for us. So you need to adjust your "undies ethics," and today.

I am settled-down. And I apologize for any rash words or thoughts that may have left my lips.

By way of introduction, just let me say this: I find it appalling that a man of your high-station, power, popularity and income would have underwear at the top of your "Top Priority List." But I am a civil-minded man. I will give you a break this time while I reload my next thought-process and ask you, "Sir, did you know that I have found some valuable documents that were sealed-up and hidden for 22 years and they are very explicit in their content.

These series of complex documents reveal a sensitive-but-valuable set of ideas called . . .

"10 Things You Can Do With a Pair of Men's Underwear,"

and if you are serious about survival and always being prepared as well as "having one up your sleeve," then read this story and know that "now," are a well-prepared man.

• Use them as a dusting rag if you should run-out at the most-inopportune time--such as when your girlfriend's parents are coming by for a short-visit. Men's underwear are perfect for dusting anything in your apartment. Do not worry. You will be okay.
• Wearing your underwear on your head at a wild party, although you are not "high" or drunk, "will" make you look foolish, but you will be able to "steal the show," by the laughs you get that means a few hot girls will drift your way just to see what man was brave enough to wear his underwear on his head.
• If you are a secret agent, and you need to keep someone quiet, do not use a knife, gun, or any device that will cause bloodshed . . .soak your underwear in Chloroform and sneak up from behind (to the person you want to keep quiet) and place the underwear over his or her nose and bam! You are so successful that you might get a hefty raise for your the espionage you engineered.
• Cut two holes in the backside of the underwear and wear them as a Halloween mask: "The Fruit of The Loom Fairy." People will love it.
• If you fold a pair of men's underwear just the right way, they will pass for an elegant man's handkerchief in an expensive suit worn for evening events.
• If you are trapped alone in a deserted rural area in Georgia, your underwear can be used to cool your face. Just find a creek or river, soak your Hanes underwear through and through and place the wet underwear over your forehead and rest.
• If you are in the big city and thugs steal the gas cap from your car, quickly remove your underwear and stick them into the gasoline tank where your gas cap once was. You have saved a good part of the air that we breathe by this quick-thinking.
• Men's underwear, no matter the brand, make great cloths to wash your windshield or the windshield of a friend. But do not be alarmed if some smart alec's make good sport of you when they see you washing windshields with men's underwear.
• In some emergencies . . .men's underwear can be given to some hapless young woman whose underwear was stolen by women's underwear burglars, and she can wear your underwear until she gets to her home and can put on her own underwear.
• If you are in a tight spot and a gang of troublemakers are about to "take you apart," find yourself a good rock, place It inside your underwear (that you have taken-off) and by slinging it around and around, you can hit each bully on or near the head and before you know it, people will be calling you Chuck Norris, who by the way, advocates the wearing of underwear at all times.

So, guys, live happy with the knowledge that "I" have you "covered."