- Fashion and Beauty
25 Unusual Shoes – WTF Were They Thinking?
Sometimes shoe designers have a bad day. Other times they have a really good day. Who knows what kind of day they were having when they invented these unusual shoes?
Maybe they were due to go on holidays and rushed out something quick with a WOW factor but without really thinking it through clearly. Or maybe they’d just returned from a rave.
I’ve written two other hubs about unusual shoes (Bizarre Shoes and Weird Shoes) and many people have found them quite frightening, as well as being good for a laugh. Many of the shoes showcased so far seem to have the common theme of being highly uncomfortable to wear, but they also make great eye candy as well as being an excellent novelty gift for masochists.
Enjoy & share if you dare!
1. 3D Printed Alien Heels
Coming soon to a 3D printer near you are these delightfully alienoid plastic shoes, which you can even paint yourself, for uniqueness. Not only are they structured from plastic, but you’ll practically need to be plastic yourself just to put them on and stand up.
After a few days, you might possibly benefit from the services of a plastic surgeon too, not only to hammer your feet and ankles back into shape, but also to realign your newly formed alien spine.
Verdict: Wear if you are planning to visit the Alien. She will be impressed and while we know her acid spittle eats metal, there is no evidence to suggest that it reacts on plastic.
2. Invisible Shoes
It was only a matter of time before someone listened to the military and invented shoes to match the fabled invisible cloak, made of reflective mirrors. With these shoes, it is possible to walk around looking like you have no feet and that you are hovering on thin air.
However, it is unclear what use the shoes would be without a matching set of leggings and a coat. The facets at the front of this shoe suggest that it is more of a fashion item and would be highly suited to New Year’s parties - imagine seeing an explosion of fireworks reflected in them!
Verdict: For New Year's parties, fancy dress parties, or any parties really, but not for armed combat as the mirrors will give your position away.
3. Porcelain Potty Wedges
Fancy wearing a couple of toilet bowls on your feet? Well here’s your big chance to wreck your ankles! Suitable for EVERY room décor in bathroom white, you’ll always be fashionable, as well as fashionably late to appointments and fashionably uncomfortable climbing stairs.
These marvellous shoes can be used for a variety of purposes – as a spare potty for a toddler, a temporary bonsai display holder or even as a quick sushi platter when you’re on the street! Just carry the chopsticks and toilet paper in your hairstyle.
Verdict: Wear to toilet conventions, public toilets or anywhere else where you can help people avoid urine soaked floors for $2 a go.
4. The Steampunk Spike Boot
If you’re having trouble sleeping in the desert, this shoe will help immensely. Squash scopions, snakes, spiders and even your dinner with the mean-looking spikes on the sole. Serrated edges mean that the squashed things can’t run away afterwards, and you’ll be able to merrily toast them while watching the stars.
Verdict: Perfect for harsh terrain where you have to survive by catching and killing your food. Just don’t wear them on a horse!
5. Rams Horn Shoes
Looking for a farm shoe to show off your prowness and uncastrated status among the sheep people? Look no further than the Rams Horn Shoe, a delightfully paganistic rumination suitable for those who want to mark their territory while chewing on a cud.
Not only is this shoe made from the skin of the creature it is meant to represent, but the inventor cut apart the skin and sewed it back together to represent the animal. Were they out there or what? Imagine cutting apart a leopard, only to sew it back together again as a leopard shaped shoe…..crazy!
Verdict: Wear these if you are an Aries, or when you want to make love to sheep. Or even if you just hate rams.
6. Maggot Heels
Certainly one for the zombie parade, Maggot Heels are destined to take you far and wild…beyond this realm and into the next, where your decomposing body can be attractively attired and shod.
The maggots look like a spongy type of material which could be very comfortable to walk on, if only it didn’t look like you were walking on maggots.
Verdict: Wear to a comedy funeral, a horror movie set or living dead fancy dress party.
7. Slingshot Heels
For the lady survivors in the desert. Now your shoes can catch your dinner for you – simply remove the knotted leather and replace with elastic to shoot and kill with rocks.
One suspects the heel of this shoe is not the most comfortable and that potentially the angled height might ruin your spine if you walk faster than 10km per hour with them, but nevermind, no one said the wilderness was going to be easy!
Verdict: Wear these on Survivor in the evenings (they aren't suitable for the daytime competitions). Or just wear them when you don’t own any other shoes and need to hunt.
8. Pine Needle Slippers
Whoever made these shoes is a hippy at heart – natural materials, simple construction, beautiful presentation, what is there not to like?
The only problem is that while they might be fine for shuffling around in and out of a native hut and for gathering and cooking, they don’t really suit modern city living, from stairs, to concrete jungles and corporate offices. Lovely thought though.
Verdict: Wear these at home in the forest! Or on your honeymoon during a massage.
9. Strange Sort Of Wavy Snakeskin Shoe
Looking like an armrest for snakes, this weird heel has some protruding open ended metal parts on its sole, rendering it completely useless for walking near any trailing objects or for wearing long dresses.
The good news is that the metal parts might be adjustable (with a hammer), so you can make them a height to suit (a rare thing in the shoe world).
Verdict: Don’t cross your legs. Or wear long dresses. Or walk through anything you don’t want to take home.
10. Weirdo Snakeskin Wedges
Well for all those desert folk, once you get sick of wearing unusual shoes that don’t work with your lifestyle, why not kill a snake and make it into a pair of these shoes – guaranteed to spice up any cougar mommy looking for action round town!
Men, many women would kill for these shoes (and frequently have) and it would make an ideal gift for your other half, especially if you can’t afford the $500 designer shoes she really wants.
Verdict: Wear to a smoky bar to pick up roughnecks.
11. Giraffe Heels
If you’ve run out of heels for your African safari, then this might do. The cute little legs are quirky, though maybe not suitable for running through the savannah.
If real giraffes are not available, you can get people to lie in the grass and photograph the heel part, while strategically missing the front.
Verdict: Wear on safari, at the zoo or at a party which features game hunters.
12. Hairy Human Foot Sneakers
It’s easy to look like a neanderthal for an afternoon by putting on a pair of Hairy Human Foot Sneakers. A unisex shoe, they will make your feet look attractively monstrous!
Also, the toe hair and disgusting nails don’t smell like the real thing so you can wear them anywhere where people need to be shocked and grossed out.
Verdict: Good for fancy dress parties, sci fi conventions and street begging.
13. 3D Printed Wedges With Knots
After coming up with the 3D Printed Alien Heels, the shoe designers then were forced at gunpoint by the sponsors to produce another shoe that was supposedly more complex and head scratching in design. Enter the 3D Printed Wedge with astoundingly complicated laced knots.
The creators were actually very clever – what better way to get revenge than to invent a pair of shoes no one could put on? The best part is that the 3D printed part is only the wedge sole and any other shoe could be tied into place on the base (as long as it has a lot of straps on the front).
Verdict: Buy these if you want to spend half the day getting into your shoes and another half day getting out of them.
14. Back To Front Boots
It’s hard to tell what this shoe designer was thinking when these were invented. Were they looking for a reversible shoe effect, or just something funny to watch on the catwalk?
We’ll probably never know, but one thing we can know is that it is possible to walk backwards without tripping over, though it would be kind of freaky to watch.
Verdict: Wear to Star Wars conventions with a big fake belly like Jabba, or just wear to make people go WTF?
15. Geriatric Cocktail Golf Lounge Loafer Heels
If you’re looking for a heel that reminds you of geriatric sports combined with orange golfing turf, then this is the shoe for you! Go tee off while maintaining your balance and don’t worry if your pelvic floor is weak because there are some handy sole ridges to streamline embarrassing puddles elsewhere.
Seriously, if you are considering these, get a grip (of your cart). Anyone under the age of 60 is going to look like an idiot in these, while anyone over the age of 60 is going to fall over due to the foot arch not being properly supported.
Verdict: It’s better to use these shoes as pretend trophies for an insignificant event, rather than wear them.
16. Lollywopping Good Time Shoes
Based on the Bubblegum-Stuck-to-the-Ground-Shoe, these beauties offer endless hours of delight to children and should turn the wearer into an awesome babysitter (or party clown).
You could even make your own with some superglue, laquer, balls which look like lollies and shoes with the heels cut off.
Verdict: Wear around children and let the fun begin! Also good for fairgrounds, cinema dates and mother’s groups.
17. Swimming Pool Slide Heels
If your feet are looking for a slippery slide into a puddle of sweat on a hot day, then these shoes are ideal! With a cute design that is bound to attract attention by the pool, they can even be worn with an inflatable tube around the waist, with bather skirts or a swimming cap (swimming caps just do not match ANYTHING).
The little ladder could be a YouTube hit if you create a video of toes (with faces on them) climbing it. As a heel though, it is unclear whether the ladder offers good support.
Verdict: Wear at the pool, at beachside cafes and at Olympic swimming events.
18. A-Maze Thongs / Flip Flops
An intriguing maze pattern makes these flip flops a handy wardrobe staple. They’re comfortable, the sweat drips away and sand is easy to shake off.
But they’re a little unusual with the stopper thingy. Can you walk properly in them? We probably wouldn’t know until we go, but I’d be willing to bet they are the next trendy shoe (like Crocs once were) to hit all the discount stores in unfashionable colours.
Verdict: Good for the beach. You can hide spare change in the bottom of the stopper.
19. Crotch Length Sneakers
If trying them on in the shop isn’t too time consuming, then putting them on every day might be. Whoever wears these will be sealed in nice and tight, and will only have to passingly worry about deep vein thrombosis because they’ll be too busy wiping the soles from the interesting collection of chair dirt they’ll collect wherever they sit.
Verdict: Wear with other constrictive clothing for maximum impact on the body. In fact, why not add some tourniquets and a corset to match?
20. Sewing Machine Wedges
During the making of these shoes, the designer went off to do something else and forgot to put in a hole for the feet insertion. But since only hardcore crafters could ever be attracted to these shoes, it’s only a minor detail, as there are lots of handmade ideas to strap your feet on top. For example, using zippers, tape measures, belts, ribbons or discarded handbag straps can be exciting (and painful) ways to keep these heavy shoes on.
Verdict: Wear to quilting groups, Maker Faires and other crafty expos. Prepare to stand around all day developing massive leg muscles like Xena.
21. Wire Heels
If you feel like wearing nothing at all on your feet, then these Wire Heels are the answer.
Designed primarily for people with wonderful looking feet, the Wire Heels will make sure that they are no longer wonderful looking in the shortest time period possible.
Your toes and the arch of your foot will need to do all the work to walk in these, but on the upside, foot fetishists will have an unobstructed view.
Verdict: Don’t wear these to the office on a hot day or you’re going to stink the place out.
22. Ballet Dancer High Heels
I’ve never seen heels as high as this! Apparently, they’re made for ballet dancers to wear on a rare nights off from productions.
A glittery evening heel, they’ll be sure to attract attention at any party or upscale event, though it might feel more like work than play…
Verdict: Don’t wear these unless you’re a ballerina – it’s just not going to work.
23. Rejected Airline Seat Shoes
Worn as heels, you can be forgiven for thinking that they’re not. The strange angle of the feet in these will have you hobbling all the way to the exit, while the daggy 1970s colour scheme fits right in to the original Dallas office décor.
Sometimes, the world produces shoes which are just plain ugly. At least your feet will be able to sweat and breathe out of the side vents, though the effect on other passengers might not be an overwhelmingly positive experience.
Verdict: Best left in the dustbin of recollection.
24. Toe Flats
Be in with the latest stupid street cred with these strange Toe Flats. Not only would you be stating the bleeding obvious (ie. “There’s toes in these shoes!”) but you’ll also be promoting silly design wherever you go, just like those tshirts with man boobs on them.
Verdict: I have no idea where you’d wear these. Potentially in a dirty garden? Or at a dorky family pool party, perhaps?
What do you think of these shoes?
25. Naughty B*tt Plug Heels
It is curious to ponder the wisdom of creating this strange footwear, which looks debasing to women, yet is to be supposedly bought and worn by women. If the transparent plug visible in the b*tthole doesn’t turn female customers off, then I guess they would be exactly the right type of customers to enjoy these shoes.
Forget discretion and announce to the world that you are into being a b*tt plugged doormat for some macho type. I mean, why be discreet when you can just cut to the chase and find the right dominant straight away?
Verdict: Wear while working in a sex shop for a bit of a laugh, or wear to advertise your talents as a groupie.
Well, it isn’t exactly a shoe, but here’s an interesting Photoshop concept that I thought you’d like to see. Totally freaky eh?
Who knows, maybe one day we’ll be able to pop into a foot laboratory and get one of these done, while unfortunately putting shoe designers everywhere out of business. I think the world would be rather less fascinating without them though.
I hope you enjoyed my unique shoes hub and look forward to scouting out more shoeworthy subjects in the future.
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© 2014 Suzanne Day