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5 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Mess With Your Local Tattoo Artist

Updated on May 22, 2016

Tattoo here, tattoo there, tattoo every God Damn where. Almost every skin your eyes stalk has some tattoo somewhere. Some are creepy, some attractive, some looking quite stupid and some hidden in places i simply cannot mention here. But who is responsible for the inking of the skin of the people of the world, in very country, every nation? It's the tattoo artist, that's who! He sits there in his tattoo room, looking at his meat victims pass, wondering who next will feel his needle, who will become his canvas of color and pain. Then as he finishes his 5 second thought, another piece of meat enters the his establishment. The tattoo artist smiles an evil smile, heads for his weapon of color and pain, looks the meat in the eye and says..............."hello". Then the meat becomes hypnotized by his magical hands, his piercing eyes and his magnetizing needle. The tattoo now begins.

1. He Will Turn You Into A Kindergarten Coloring Book

You may think in your head, well a coloring book is not all that bad right?. after all, you do see nice coloring books with pictures colored brightly with crayons and just looking adorable. But do you remember the first coloring book you gave to your baby and how that baby colored that book? If you do, you would know exactly what i mean. The tattoo artist will get his revenge on you by turning a part of your skin you can't see into a very bad kindergarten coloring book. Your body will be inked all over with no set coordination. Look at it as your tattoo artist has just reversed in time and is a baby again and your skin is his coloring book. oops!

2. He Will Turn Your Ship Into Shit

Can you imagine this hormone blasting sailor, full of himself. Confiscating the local tattoo artist girl and then has the nerve to go on social media talking about how the tattoo artist girl preferred his needle. Now this boastful sailor decides to get a tattoo 3 years later and forgets about his little stunt he pulled on social media. So he goes in and ask for a bad ass war ship to be plastered on his back and chest. The tattoo artist smiles and knows that it is his time to get his revenge. After several house of tattooing, The tattoo artist paints a load of shit floating in the toilet on the boastful sailor. After the artist is finally finished, the sailor is happy and can't wait to see his warship. As he mirrors up, he is shocked, angry shocked and now raging mad. The tattoo artist runs away and the sailor begins to trash the rented shop space. The sailor is forced to never go shirtless for the rest of his shitty life.

3. He Really Gets Under Your Skin

Rumor has it that many high rolling tattoo artists have formed allegiance with the CIA and the order of Lucifer in the Synagogue of Satan. What they do is when you go in to get a tattoo, they implant a very tiny microchip inside your skin. This chip is quite easy to install as it is placed before hand in the tattoo needle and fired into the flesh. Once this enters your body, it is designed to take control of your brain. Once they have control of your brain, they have control over your will, emotions and actions. You basically become their little puppet to do their will anytime they choose. If you follow the real news you would know that many incidents happening across the world are caused by tattoo artist and their wicked needle of control. Shame on you tattoo artist. Shame on you.

4. He Will Give You A Butt Load Of Pain With Temporary Ink

You can't go messing with the tattoo artist last week and come into his shop this week boasting of the busted nose you gave him and then have the nerve to sit in his chair demanding you get a tattoo. You would either be dumb or stupid. The tattoo artist rigs out his old nineteen sixty seven tattoo needle he nicknamed the "skin crawler" He then switches the ink from permanent to temporary ink which can be washed away by soap and water. He then cranks up the old "skin crawler" needle and the first touch is like a magnifying glass intensifying the sun rays by a thousand and burning through your skin. You will want to scream but you just can't, you have to man up and sit it through. After 6 hours of a very painful experience, you are pleased at his artistry. You then make a skirmish remark to the artist and storms out the shop. When you reach home, you decide on taking a bath to cool down your furnace burning skin. Then VOILA! the ink begins to wash off. Yep, you are mad and bitter. The only thing up you are left with is a butt load of pain and an invisible tattoo.

5. He May Be Friends With Some Scary Leprechauns

So who told you to curse out the tattoo artist? Do you know his history? Do you know that tattoo artist are genetically linked to some bad ass leprechauns? Well, if you didn't, lean out your eyes and read this real story, sit back, sip on your coffee, pull up your monitor a little closer, and let me tell you about the hidden secret of the tattoo artist.

Way back , a very long time ago, in a place that existed before time. There lived, sprites, fairies, Leprechauns, goblins, hobbits and tattoo artists. A wicked war was spreading across the land against the leprechauns who were accused of stealing and plundering breakfast cereals from the others. The leprechauns however defeated all the other groups with the help of the tattoo artist who painted the rainbow that came to life where the leprechauns would use as a portal to slide from one dimension to the next. They instructed the tattoo artist to paint a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow so wherever they slid to they would be rich. The leprechauns were grateful for the help of the tattoo artist, they decided to form a brotherhood by blood. Anywhere a tattoo artist faced danger, he could easily summon a leprechaun who could drag you to any dimension he chooses, mostly to hell!

Do you believe its OK for tattoo artist to get revenge using the needle?

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Conclusion

Take my foolish advise and never mess with your tattoo artist, you just will never know when you decide on getting a tattoo. When you have forgotten about that little run in with the tattoo artist, i can assure you that he still remembers. It could be minutes, hours, days, weeks, months or years. He will just be there, waiting and plotting, waiting patiently to get his revenge!

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    • Frank Atanacio profile image

      Frank Atanacio 11 months ago from Shelton

      turn my ship into shit..LOL yeah this hub was all that Jive Clive :)

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 11 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Have you been drinking that weed tea? LOL. Your imagination knows no boundaries! It was a fun read, all except cursing, using God's name lowers the standard in a fun hub. I hope you're not mad at me for saying this. Cheers.

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 11 months ago from Nibiru

      Hey franko....whats up my bro

    • clivewilliams profile image
      Author

      Clive Williams 11 months ago from Nibiru

      No mad at you always. It is your opinion right? we still good my sister. Thanks for the read.

    • always exploring profile image

      Ruby Jean Fuller 11 months ago from Southern Illinois

      Goody!!!!!

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