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Sophisticated Animal Print Panties

Updated on March 18, 2010

Animal print panties,because if you're not wearing the print of an animal about your loins, you've forgotten who you are as a primal animal beast that just happens to be bipedal and able to operate heavy machinery. (If you're reading this and thinking 'I can't operate heavy machinery', I say unto you, yes, you can! It's like that time that Jesus told the crippled man to get up and walk, but instead of working a miracle in your lives, I'm going to be partially responsible (yet not criminally liable) if you drive a semi truck into a lake. But I digress.)

Animal prints have taken a back seat in high panty fashion over the years, mostly because people assume that animal prints are tacky and can only be worn by women with voluminous peroxided hair and a burgeoning career in the short film industry.

If you hold these misconceptions, you're dead wrong. Animal prints can be classy and sophisticated, it simply requires the wearer to be sophisticated and classy whilst wearing them. Next time you slip on a pair of animal print panties, take a moment to read a few passages of Tolstoy, wear a pince-nez, or use a bidet. All these actions are certified sophisticated and will cause the stock of your animal print panties to rise considerably, both in your own home and abroad.

The most common animal prints are leopard, tiger and cheetah. Tiger is your stripy animal print, whilst as far as I can tell, leopard and cheetah are sort of interchangeable spotty affairs. Zebra print has also made a comeback in recent months, with many embracing the winsome and jittery spirit of the horse of the great plains. Unfortunately, other animals seem to be rather left out of the animal print parade. You almost never see Panda print, for instance, nor has a line of 'tabby cat panties' been put out as far as I am aware. Sadly, it would seem that animal prints are restricted to large cats and hooved horses.

I can understand if I have failed thus far to convince you of the inherent sophistication that comes with animal print panties, but this final piece of evidence must be the nail in the coffin of your churlish objections. Roberto Cavalli himself designed the tiger print bikini you see above! Yes! Roberto Cavalli! Note the 'o' at the end of his first name and the 'alli' at the end of his second. The man's very name drips with sophistication and hidden fortunes and thus you must at last be convinced that nothing, nay, nothing is more sophisticated than animal print panties.


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      Candy 7 years ago

      MMMM, Nanciboy, that is very cool, cuz I am too, I am wearing them shopping today, with a pair of black stretch pants with white stripes and a matching polo shirt. I wish we could go together.

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      Nanciboy 8 years ago

      And to think that I am wearing a pair of leopard print panties at this very moment. :)