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Are Men Women When They Wear Lingerie? The Fantasy of Reality

Updated on October 14, 2009
Victoria's Secret Fantasy Collection
Victoria's Secret Fantasy Collection

There's a funny objection to the idea of men wearing lingerie, and that's the objection to the idea that men are imagining themselves to be women. For some people, the very idea is against all that is natural and good in the world. It is unthinkable. It is... unimaginable.

However, for the men who wear women's lingerie and like to imagine themselves to be women also, the act of imagining themselves as being women is not only immensely enjoyable and stimulating, it can also bring comfort and peace.

A very small percentage of life is lived in what one might call objective reality. Because all experience is colored by perception, we see very little of the world as it is. This is most obvious in delusional people, such as those who think they can sing on American Idol, but it happens to all of us, because as much as we would like to see the world as it is, it is simply impossible not to be affected by the filters we have picked up throughout our lives.

Our view of 'reality' is incredibly and inevitably skewed to the point where it bears very little resemblance to reality. Even the most pragmatic and unimaginative of us lives in a world of filtered information which creates an illusion we then happily roll around in, mistaking it for being the 'real deal'.

The trouble makers in the world are the people who are unable to understand this little concept. They are unable to understand the fact that their reality is a fabrication of their minds, and instead they mistake it for some kind of truth, which then gives them the idea and feeling that they have the right to defend their truth, their reality. (Fundamentalists typify this kind of thinking to a T.)

I am straying a little from my point, but I hope not too far. My main point, is this. Men who imagine themselves as women when they wear their lingerie and other women's things are engaging in a harmless and indeed, natural past time. It is entirely natural for humans to wish and dream and to find solace and enjoyment in those wishes and dreams. There is a reason the most highly paid people on the planet are those who can make us forget the mundane and enable us to escape into fantasy worlds where we are stronger, better, faster, more loved, more intelligent, more powerful than we could ever feel in our every day lives.

It's funny, for my first and favorite childhood nursery rhyme really did teach me everything I needed to know about life... and it goes a little something like this:

Row row row your boat,

Gently down the steam,

Merrily Merrily Merrily Merrily

Life is but a dream...

Some dream different dreams than you might imagine, but do not attack and destroy their dreams, do not fear their dreams. Their dreams will not break yours, nor can they change your 'reality' – unless you let them.


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    • profile image

      ILOVEIT; 8 years ago

      Very interesting, I have also been in a very stress filled environment all of my working carreer, having to be the macho man for over 30 years, I recently started to venture into the femenine "under clothing" just for fun, my partner and I are having fun with this, additionally it turns her on to the max, stockings, panties, the works, but most of all, I find this form of dressing very soothing and comforting to the mind, a great stress relief and believe it or not good for relaxing, no longer having to be the macho man, at least for the moment, it doesn't make you Gay or Weird, venture out, your wife or girlfriend has possibly been in mens jeans and a mans t-shirt at one time or another, maybe right now, does this make her Gay or Weird?, try it, you'll be surprized at the effect on your mind.

    • profile image

      rman 8 years ago

      I agree with Me:-). They are right about that. Women can wear just about anything and nobody says a thing about it. Women have more freedom than us guys do, when it comes to clothing. I think thats why some men like to crossdress. Maybe one day, we will all accept each other, no matter what you wear.

    • profile image

      Me:-) 8 years ago

      Women have been crossdressing for years, where's the difference?

    • profile image

      Davyou5 8 years ago

      Quote: " All we are is the result of what we have thought."

      - Buddha

    • profile image

      Deke 8 years ago

      Thanks Hope, It bought back memory, know that nursery rhyme.

      Love your writing,


    • profile image

      Vanityfair 8 years ago

      Interesting topic Hope, very interesting indeed. If I am truthful with myself, I do often wish I am a woman when I'm dressed up in pretty and feminine lingerie. Unfortunately due to the constrictions of the alternate reality, it is often very short-lived and merely lasts for either a short while or occasionally all night if I'm alone and able to sleep in something soft and pretty. It's such a sad affair really when you think about it, because I think for many of us, we simply seek that nirvana in our lives where we can be safe, loved and care for. For those of us who are touch with our feminine side, I truly believe we do the best we can do to provide that comfort for our girlfriends or wives, so it seems unselfish to me to try to create an environment where we might possibly be able to feel some of that love and comfort as well, even if it's only for a fraction of the time that we would like.

    • EctomorphGuy profile image

      EctomorphGuy 8 years ago

      You know, I'm not going to say that I've "NEVER" imagined myself as a woman, when wearing lingerie, because I have...but only for a moment, while in the moment. Don't worry...I don't prance around the room in my garter belt and stockings; it doesn't get to that point, I assure one and all.

    • profile image

      iwhcpanties 8 years ago

      As a guy and one who loves to wear panties understand I am a real man! I have hunted and fished all my life, spent 22-1/2 years in the military, most overseas in hostel environments, and don’t cross me in anger and violence for you will get hurt or worse. BUT, I do love my panties and other fine lingerie! It is things like this that helps calm me. You can call it what ever you will, man-women etc but I am comfortable with who I am.

    • Mary Mac profile image

      Mary Mac 8 years ago from Victoria Australia

      It is a reality the lingerie we wear is real!!!!!!!!!

      Thank you, Hope

    • profile image

      Scotty 8 years ago

      Come for the lingerie, stay for the important and perceptive observations.

      Thank you, Hope.

    • profile image

      Fairy Mary 8 years ago

      It really is amazing to me how many "motor mouths" there are out there that seem to believe that by wearing lingerie men are somehow going to bring civilization to it's knees. They are, of course, entitled to their opinion but as this website proves, many men are travelling more or less on the same road and oh look, civilization is still here!

      Thanks Hope for another thought-provoking Hub.

    • profile image

      sophie riovana 8 years ago

      I must say that I've been wearing lingerie for some time know and it is true at least for me. I sometimes pretend or imagine to be a girl.

    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 8 years ago

      It's me again. I must correct my previous statement. I'm not an empirist, but a rationalist.

      I got confused by these tricky foreign words...

    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 8 years ago

      I don't really agree with Berkeley neither, I'm more of an empirist.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 8 years ago

      Hi I Love Lingerie,

      I have heard of the concept, I think it is taking things too far though, because clearly some things do exist without being perceived. At least, I think they do. (Damn philosophy!)

    • profile image

      celtichic 8 years ago


      The question you raise is a fascinating one. It may never be answered and probably differs, of course, from one cross-dresser male to another. I've thought alot about it myself over the years as I've researched and tried to understand this drive in myself to wear or experience women's things. All my life back to my earliest memories, age 4, I've felt part female and at first wanted to be a girl at that age. I know it's a funny question since society assumes that "men" are the fortunate sex, having almost complete freedom (albeit not much freedom to wear women's clothes however!). But if you are a man and have ANY intelligence and sensitivity at all, you quickly understand that the superior (if indeed one is superior) gender is female. (See Ashley Montague's book "The Natural Superiority of Women".)

      RE: Women get to wear a variety of clothes, we don't. And when you are a child and are told that you are boy and boys (men) don't cry if they are tough enough, then you envy little girls ability to cry without criticism.

      I can't answer your question, except to say that maybe yes I do think of myself as a women when in lingerie making love to my wife. Ours is a special marriage, she loves, literally LOVES my crossdressing....since she had nothing but bad experiences from macho domineering sexist men all her life. And she finds it erotic. And so do I. So, my short answer agrees with you, if you fantasize as a male that you are woman while wearing women's clothes, that is fine...maybe even great. And the stronger women of the world will understand it, I believe. But the bottom line (no pun intended or maybe...) is that it is lots of fun for both of you. So besides my being a femophile, and believing that I am part woman inside a male body, wearing panties is just downright erotic and grants love-making that much more of an adventure!


    • profile image

      ILoveLingerie 8 years ago

      You remind me of something the philosopher George Berkeley once wrote.

      He thought, that there is no outside world and that things will only exist if they are perceived. The things we can perceive are imagined by people's minds by ideas they've got from god. It's called Idealism.

      If you don't know it yet, you should look it up. It's interesting.

      Nice article, Hope;)


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