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Before You Throw All Your Lingerie Away...

Updated on October 31, 2009

So you're thinking about throwing all your lingerie out. You don't need it and you shouldn't be wearing it. At least, that's what you think. This may be the first time you have bought lingerie and thrown it out, this may be the 50th time you've been through the cycle of lingerie binge and purge. Before you quite literally toss your hard earned money out the door, read this and see if you can't save yourself a little money and sanity.

Purging and Buying Is Cyclical Behavior

If you do it once, you will probably do it again. There are plenty of men who routinely waste large amounts of money at first resisting, then giving into buying lingerie only to get rid of it again. If you're thinking about throwing away your lingerie, you're really thinking about trying to get rid of a part of yourself that you've temporarily convinced yourself that you can somehow suppress. You can't suppress it simply by denying yourself lingerie. That's not how it works. The problem isn't with the lingerie, it is with your inability to accept yourself and what you want in your life. I do believe that it is possible to stop wearing lingerie if you really want to, but you won't be able to do it just by tossing the lingerie away. As you already know, there is always new lingerie to buy tomorrow.

It's About You, Not Your Lingerie

It is okay to like lingerie and to enjoy wearing it. It is. It is more common than you think for men to enjoy wearing high quality lingerie. Aside from any feminine aspects, it simply looks and feels a great deal better than the so called lingerie made for men which usually is simply code for some silk boxers that will ride up uncomfortably under your pants.

If you have trouble with accepting yourself wearing lingerie, its more than likely that you're really having some trouble accepting a softer, more feminine part of yourself. Male or female, we are all creatures of duality. As I have quoted before, Susan Sontag once said, 'What is the most beautiful in virile men is something feminine; what is most beautiful in feminine women is something masculine.' She was right.

Scientists discovered in 1998 that women actually prefer men who have slightly feminine features. Think Leonardo DiCaprio, for instance. I will no doubt write on this more at a later date, but in the mean time, I leave you with the New York Times article on the subject.

''Our team has been working on this study for four years,'' said Ian Penton-Voak of the University of St. Andrews in Fife, Scotland. ''When it was found early on that there was a preference for feminized male faces, nobody believed it, so we did it again, and again. The preference for a feminized face keeps coming up.''

Keep your lingerie in the drawer. Embracing the feminine may be the most masculine thing you ever do.


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      corsetman 7 years ago

      I have done this many times and I have come back for more. I have finally accepted my feminine side and I am not going to purge again. The way I feel is that, if a person can't accept you for who you are, then they are not worth it. You should take the good with the bad in any situation.

    • profile image

      Tom 7 years ago

      Hi Hope

      I couldn't agree with you more about personal acceptance , for me once I accepted my feminine side as a good part of who I am I feel more free to wear what I like and I will not purge again.

      I too recycled (goodwill mostly) probably into the thousands of dollars of female clothing and lingerie over the past forty years.

      Thanks again for your caring

    • profile image

      pete45 7 years ago

      been there. done that. Too many times. Like to stop and rescue my marraige. Making another attempt, but at least this time i didn't throw eveything away

    • smoothbikini profile image

      smoothbikini 7 years ago

      wow! it's like you've watched a movie of my life! finally woke up one day and decided, if this was something i enjoyed, harmed no one else, why not just go with the flow - would hate to look back and say i "wish" i had tryed something and didn't....

      thanks, hope, for all your great articles.


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      Golfnut 7 years ago

      Thanks Hope for your articles. I too have purged multiple times only to find myself buying the same lingerie that I had thrown out. I have wasted hundreds maybe over a thousand dollars in lingerie. I still have an acceptance problem and also deal with a not so forgiving Wife. It is hard to balance satisfying myself and my Wife. The quilt is overpowering at times.

    • profile image

      mikes 7 years ago

      just purged last week too late but will keep this in mind for next time i feel the need to "strighten" myself out.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 7 years ago

      I like your approach Ben, very balanced. Thanks for sharing it!

    • profile image

      Ben 7 years ago

      I quickly learnt that this is an expensive cycle to get caught in. Today I use the urge to purge as an incentive to do a stock take and thin out my collection a bit by getting rid of stuff that doesn't fit, doesn't look right, or is ugly. All the stuff that is too worn out gets thrown out, while the good stuff gets a wash and goes to charity.

      Having done all that I usually take a break for a while (from the lingerie), safe in the knowledge that I have a smaller, more manageable collection waiting.

    • GetRhythm profile image

      GetRhythm 7 years ago

      Ive had quite a few times where Ive thrown out lingerie and thought I could get over my desire to wear lingerie. But then the day would come when I found myself at the register with panties in hand, starting up all over again. Once I gave in and started again, I was tired of fighting it and realized its something I shouldnt be fighting in the first place. Since then my lingerie drawer has grown...a lot. Thanks for the hubs. Theyre always excellent and very insightful.

    • profile image

      ALLEN 7 years ago


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      Bill 7 years ago

      I have also thrown out many many dollars worth over the years. However this year I went the other way, I threw out all the "man's lingere" and increased my frilly's. i now can say that I wear panties et all 24/7/365.

      Thanks Hope for all the info and keep up the great work.

    • Hope Alexander profile image

      Hope Alexander 7 years ago

      Exactly. I hear men telling this story all the time and it is such a waste!

    • foxxyz69 profile image

      foxxyz69 7 years ago from Niles Ohio

      This is very true. I have tossed out hundreds of dollars worth of Lingerie over the years. And then after a certain amount of time, i would be running to the store or ebay, for a quick fix.