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Bullet Bras For Men Of Danger

Updated on May 9, 2010

Are you a man of danger? Do you often fight enemy spies? Have you been known to take down an international crime ring using only your wits and a paper clip? Then indubitably, you must be made aware of the bullet bra, a brassiere capable of storing several rounds in its voluminous and pointy / rounded interior.

I don't know about you, but I like it when my lingerie is shaped like a war head. It reminds me that I must be vigilant in my fight against injustice and evil. Evil lurks everywhere you know. Just this morning I popped a soda can and evil came foaming out all over my best clothing. And by best clothing, I mean my retro t-shirt that has Grover on it. That's right. Grover. Eat your heart out. (Whatever that means, that's a very creepy thing to say to someone.)

Maidenform used to make a great deal of bullet bras, indeed, if you observe this advertisement, they made bullet bras for the sort of women who would occasionally prance about wearing lingerie,  a horse head, some high heels, a skirt and nothing else. Actually, now I list all those pieces of clothing, that's actually quite a lot of clothing. It's practically modest, indeed. I bet there's more than one cleric out there willing to trade burkas for large horse heads and completely revolutionize the way we see the Middle East. How could the West continue to be at war with the Middle East if all the ladies were wearing oversized animal heads? We couldn't. So essentially, what I am really trying to say here is that bullet bras would create world peace if only we would give them a chance.

Bullet bras should not be confused for cone bras, which are pointy. Pointy bras do nothing to make the world a safer place, in fact, they make it much more dangerous. You'll put your eye out on those things if you're not careful.

So, where can you purchase bullet bras? Well, they're still in vogue amongst people who enjoy retro fashions, so it is possible to obtain brand new bullet bras that have never been worn by anyone ever. If you're prepared to talk a walk down vintage lane, you'll find plenty of bullet bras available for purchase. With just a little modification, you'll soon be able to leap out of a fighter plane, kill a Russian spy with radioactive tea and float home on your bullet bra enabled parachute in time for tea and scones.

Live life the way it was supposed to be lived – on the edge, and adorned with lingerie that exaggerates a female figure into parody.


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