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Cargo Pants are the Only Pants for a Busy Man or Boy to Wear, Not Cougars, and Possibly Levis

Updated on September 7, 2011
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Real Men Do Things In Pants. Cargo Pants.

Are you a real man? Do you often find yourself doing manly things like repairing lawnmower engines, hiking, or using a power sander? Do you want to look like the kind of man that keeps rock climbing equipment in the trunk of his car? Do you want to look like the kind of man who is always prepared for any eventuality like fire, or explosion, or even an exploding fire? You should be wearing cargo pants. There is no clearer symbol of a man who has need of tools and gear than cargo pants. Carpenter Pants may come with loops for hammers, but they don't flatter the manly physique, and everyone knows Carpenter Pants don't come with enough pockets.

Comfortable, cotton khaki cargo pants are the ultimate solution for the technologically-minded. With two extra, button pockets at the knee, the busy man has room for their digital camera, or their wires and plugs, to be ready at a moment's notice to snap photos, or charge up their iPod, iPad, smart phone, computer, electric razor, or power drill.

You never know when you might need just one or two more pieces of gear. Sure, you've got your leatherman folding tool in one pocket, and a spare measuring tape in your other pocket. With your wallet in your back pocket, and your handkerchief is always in your other back pocket. (Real men must always be ready to offer to any ladies who might start uncontrollably weeping, especially if those ladies are toddlers, because nothing is manlier than keeping your little lady snot and tear-free.) With no pockets left in a normal pair of pants, a real man must make hard choices about what to put in their pockets, and can only alternate out their tools in their two pockets. These two pockets aren't even that big, and can barely contain your phone and your spare change with any tools you might need. Will you need to trim your beard on the fly for that important meeting? Will you need to be ready with your pocket mixer in case any spontaneous parties need a real man to step up to the bar and mix some drinks? Only you know what kind of manly man you are, and only you can pick the right tool for every situation. The great thing about cargo pants? You can make two more choices.

Cargo pants make excellent all-weather pants, because you can fit up to six ice packs or hot packs to create your own, pants-based atmospheric control system. You can smile at ease while other men sweat, because your pants are full of cool ice packs at vital joints. You can survey the snowy fields in comfort with the peace of mind that comes from chemical hot packs planted in up to six pockets, while other men shiver with cold legs in their impractical kilts! Real men don't wear kilts! They wear cargo pants!

Are you wearing cargo pants? If you're a man, you should be wearing cargo pants. It is the manliest of pants, because it has so many pockets for your gear. Every man needs gear. Even a boy scout, the embryonic pupae stage of the manly man, knows, as their motto, to be prepared. Are you more manly than a boy scout? If you aren't wearing cargo pants, you might not be.

Also, be sure to wear an appropriate manly belt buckle.

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