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Conservative Clothing For Men

Updated on December 7, 2009

Sometimes, a man wants to dress conservatively. He wants to make a statement that says 'I am a traditional, solid sort of man. You can trust me to be dull. You can trust me to cling to ideas of what life should be, rather than embracing what life could be. Yes. I am conservative.”

I'm not referring to dressing as if one were a member of the conservative party, that's a whole 'nother ball of wax and gimp masks. No, I'm talking about wearing traditional masculine attire, the sort of attire that will get you a job in the sort of organization that will have traded your soul for a new photocopier within the week.

To find yourself some traditional masculine attire, walk into the nearest shop that sells clothing. If it sells both conservative men's clothing, as well as more alternative clothing and women's clothing, conservative clothing will be identifiable by the following properties:

It will be dark in color, with the exception of shirts, which will be pristine white. A conservatively dressed man will almost always wear a nice white shirt because a nice white shirt speaks to his purity.

Conservative men's clothing will always be drab. It will also be quite stiff, rough to the touch, and be cut as if it were designed to be worn by some sort of mechanical device. If you encounter any men's clothing that is brightly colored, made of a soft, shiny, metallic, or otherwise visually or texturally interesting fabric, you are no longer looking at conservative clothing.

Conservative men's clothing will unerringly follow the pattern of shirt, tie, pants and shoes, with the possible addition of a jacket. Anything that is not a shirt, a tie, a pair of pants or shoes, and that failing these criteria is also not a jacket, does not qualify as being an item of conservative men's clothing.

You will know that you have achieved a respectable wardrobe of conservative men's clothing when you open your closet and you can pick any pair of pants, any shirt, any shoes and any tie and they will certainly go together. This is the great secret of conservative clothing for men, it drains any fashion, creativity, or indeed, personality out of a man's fashion choices and renders him a neatly dressed drone.

Where can you buy conservative men's clothing? Conservative clothing for men can be purchased anywhere dreams are traded for the false hope of stability.


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      Rich 4 years ago

      You know who dresses conservatively? People with jobs.

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      Ryan 5 years ago

      What a cynical and narrow minded article.

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      leon 5 years ago

      Conservative clothing emanates power and authority a makes you command attention.

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      Jack 7 years ago

      The purpose of conservative attire is to ensure that flashy and trendy clothing styles don't draw away from the face, and presumably, the words coming out of it. You don't want someone looking at your shoes, or how showy your tie is when you are trying to convince them of something. You can be an individual through personality and thought, not through what you wear.

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      79x 8 years ago

      True individualism stems from action, not attire. What is implied in this article is that people who are dressed in unconventional clothing are ipso facto unconventional people. Not always so.

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      GoneNylon 8 years ago

      And who does this profound level of dullness best? Where might one walk in and almost swoon from the sheer ennui emanating from the offerings?

      Look no further than Brooks Brothers. New ideas and modifications to "traditional" styles are anathema to them. If right-wing fanatic Pat Buchanan shops there, you know it HAS to be dull!