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Daily Weird #43 Umbrella? Funbrella? Just buy a raincoat!

Updated on November 2, 2012

With all the rain in our area lately I was ready to surgically implant an umbrella on top of my head. Just ask Susan sent me a picture and article about umbrellas that were better than the one I may regret having sticking out of my head for the rest of my life. These are a few of the umbrellas in that and other articles plus her excellent alternative-to-surgery suggestion.

1.) The Umbrella Flip-off: I’m all about this one as it completely reflects my deep inner attitude at seeing rain for 6 straight months. OK, it may only be 6 days, but after the 12th hour you just stop counting and start getting a little ticked off. I think I may stroll around with this until the rain clouds get the message and either stop with their boo-hooing, or send lightening down to take off my finger.

Source

2.) The Umbrella Map: : This idea is to place a map with the local restaurants, bus stations, and restrooms on top of the umbrella. Excellent. Unfortunately, I'm not skilled at reading stuff bassackwards so I'd have to bring the umbrella down to look at the map on the top. If this came with a battery operated blow dryer it might be an option. Maybe it just needs to come with a second umbrella to hold while I'm reading the first one. Or...crazy idea here, maybe I could just buy an umbrella… and a local map.


Source

3.) Handcuffs for an umbrella: Well, sure. This makes sense, there’s a high incidence of umbrella thievery all over the world. 80% of thefts are umbrella thefts(according to a guy who totally made this number up in his article).

Now, keep in mind this is still just a concept, as no one has yet figured out what to shackle the umbrella to during it’s not-being-used time. I could probably shackle it to my wrist, but most thieves just grab the umbrella as they run by and this could cause major damage to my umbrella-holding hand.

I suppose I could shackle it to other umbrellas, this way, if the thief grabs one umbrella, he’s grabbed them all. This won’t stop him from taking my umbrella, but it will make him easier to find.

I think I may just shackle the umbrella to the belt loop on my pants. Sure, it will mean I walk with a limp and leave a trail of water wherever I go, but by God those umbrella thieves will come up empty handed.

4.) The Geek with a Sword Umbrella: This one I may get just for all my awesome nerdy friends who live in a world that exists only in the mind of Terry Brooks and Terry Goodkind. (awesome writers, awesome world… yeah, I’m a geek too… hush) While we’re walking around in our kilts, holding our shields upright, and being ever alert for the danger that awaits us just outside the dragon's lair, we can also be ready to slay that dragon.

This excellent umbrella looks just like a sword and is sure to scare off all fake dragons as well as any other "knight in homemade armor" we may come up against while fighting our way to the lair to save the princess and or prince. (I’m going to save the prince. I’m not going to date him though, who wants to date a guy who can’t save himself? Personally, I think the same should apply to princesses!)

5.) Make your own umbrella: I like going green. With this umbrella kit I can use recycled newspapers to make my own umbrella. Of course, once I use the recycled newspapers I have to throw them away, making them no longer recycled. Wouldn’t it be better if I bought an umbrella that would last for 20 years?


6.) The UFO umbrella: I don’t think this umbrella is for me. I’m going to say this one is mostly for kids, and people going on a blind date.

The kids will think it's all kinds of fun (until a bully beats them up for looking like an idiot).

People on blind dates will find out the shallow factor of the other person within seconds.

They should probably call this umbrella the “truth-a-nator”.

Maybe I'll get one of these after all. It would make a great Christmas gift for people I wouldn't mind to see single for the rest of their lives. 



7.) The Umbrella Dweeb: This is the umbrella that started it all. Yes, this umbrella is the one Susan suggested instead of the implant. I believe her thinking was somewhat along the following lines:

“Yes, you will look like a total doofus, yes it will make eating and walking difficult and yes, people will most likely laugh and point, but it will not be surgically implanted, so you can remove it at the end of the day.”

I guess I could also remove it when the rain stopped. I could, but it looks pretty cozy, I might not want to. Thanks, Susan. Do you know me or what?

8.) The Double Umbrella: I don’t know how well this umbrella would work for me as I’m usually running through the rain by myself. Since there are two handles, I know I’m going to feel obligated to grab a hold of both of them. I’d hate for one to feel slighted. I can see myself running down the street while awkwardly holding on to both handles. The neighbor’s would be impressed by my fairness-in-holding factor, but maybe not so much by my falling-in-the-mud-puddles factor. Although the kids in the neighborhood would be entertained, which is really important on rainy days.

9.) The Internet Umbrella: This would be awesome if I didn’t mind getting run over by the traffic I know I’ll walk right into while looking at the screen on the top of my umbrella.

My facebook status: Susan is lying smashed under a horse and buggy due to multitasking.

10.) The Shoe Umbrella: Lastly, we come to the shoe umbrella. I love this idea. I think maybe it will be the only umbrella I buy. I can walk into a store soaking wet… but my shoes will be completely dry. Awesome. I think I may buy these just as accessories whether it’s raining or not.

“How’s the weather?”

“Don’t know don’t care, my shoes are covered.”

Although, in fairness, these seem to only keep your toes dry and looks more ridiculous than the UFO umbrella. Soooo, not practical at all, and I’ll look completely insane wearing them.

Yep, this is my choice!!

Thanks again to Just ask Susan for the great idea, and to anyone who has made it this far into the article. Your stamina is mind-blowing.

Just for you, Drbj

A dry dog is a happy dog...owner.

I liked this picture the best. The guy doesn't seem to mind getting wet as long as his poochie stays dry!
I liked this picture the best. The guy doesn't seem to mind getting wet as long as his poochie stays dry!
She looks like she's having SO MUCH fun!!
She looks like she's having SO MUCH fun!!

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    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 4 years ago from Indiana

      Ethel,

      I almost took that one down, I'm glad it's up there now! Is Kingston-Upon-Hull a real place? I love the name!! I'm from Milltown... I think I'll start saying I'm from There-Was-Once-A-Mill-In-My-Town...nope, still sounds lame.... I'm assuming you're from across the ocean where they know how to name places. For instance, villages. "I live in a village" sounds so much better than "I'm from a small town"... You guys rock the words!! :O)

    • ethel smith profile image

      Eileen Kersey 4 years ago from Kingston-Upon-Hull

      Love that first umbrella. Perfect for my Hubby it could be his calling card. Here in Yorkshire this so called summer it rained incessantly.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 5 years ago from Indiana

      Thanks, Tip, not much longer now. :)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 5 years ago from Indiana

      You are so nice! :)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 5 years ago from Indiana

      I believe I should be back writing within the month. Yee and a Haw

    • JamaGenee profile image

      Joanna McKenna 6 years ago from Central Oklahoma

      Rain? Back in a minute after I look that up...that is, if the dictionary hasn't turned to dust like everything else down here in "Grapes of Wrath 2011".

      The guy in the other half of my duplex doesn't let his umbrella go to waste. He uses it to shade a round flower bed that he made in his front yard which happens to be exactly the circumference of the handle-less umbrella.

      Being a naturalized citizen, he flies the Stars and Stripes (nylon and waterproof) from a front porch post.

      But despite "not being from around here", he has his priorities straight for gardening in a drought zone. One day that wet stuff y'all had - still have? - too much of started falling from the sky. Neighbor was out there in a flash to yank the umbrella off the flower bed! Left the flag up until it was obvious the rain would keep falling for more than a minute or two. ;D

    • Pollyannalana profile image

      Pollyannalana 6 years ago from US

      Great interesting hub, hate I missed it for so long.

      Polly

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 6 years ago from USA

      I will miss you too! I hope to see you back to writing soon!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Hi sueroy! I missed you! Are you back up and running? I hope so - say hi to Chelsea!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Thanks, Tip!! I'm usually good for a laugh, it's nice, though, when people laugh at what I MEANT to be funny!!

      I'm without internet right now,I sure miss you all. I should be back up and running within a month or so. Until then, take care, and keep laughing, it's not as good for you as people have said,(it can cause random bouts of hiccuping and side aches) but it sure is fun! :O)

    • tlpoague profile image

      Tammy 6 years ago from USA

      I needed a good laugh today and I found it. I have to say tho that number 7 reminded me of that movie Mars Attacks! while number 8 made me think of para-sailing across the lake. (That is what would have happened to me if I were to use the double handle.) My favorite tho is the picture below. Who could pass up the umbrella that covers it all?...Great hub! Great laugh! Thanks!!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Sue - I guess I'll just have to get rid of a dog so it'll all work out! Darn!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      @Yenajeon- I thought they were cute too. You could probably let your pet mice use them when you had on your regular shoes.

      @Jacobsterling- those were two of my favorites as well. If you're at a bus stop and have the newspaper umbrella and it stops raining, you can always read while you wait...if the ink's not too smeared.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Poorconservative- I have to go scrub my brain now from the image you presented. Still, it was worth sending that Mankini seeing as how you are putting it to such good use. I do, however, feel sorry for the neighborhood pets as they will be scarred for life after seeing you splash around in their mud puddles in that neon green Mankini!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Realho- I found TWO dogs under an umbrella, two dogs with a cat TRYING to get under an umbrella, and an umbrella with multiple dogs pictured on it's top.... but sadly, no trio-dog umbrellas could be found. I'm sorry I have failed you, my friend.

    • jacobsterling profile image

      jacobsterling 6 years ago from New York

      i like the newspaper and the shoe umbrella..hahaha..nice hub..thanks for sharing..

    • yenajeon profile image

      yenajeon 6 years ago from California

      The shoe umbrella is adorable! I would probably not use them, but would want to on my expensive shoes!

    • poorconservative1 profile image

      poorconservative1 6 years ago

      Listen people! Don't you know that you don't use an umbrella when it rains. You put on a swim suit and run outside and have a good time. Just swimmin in the rain. Maybe the next time it rains I'll don the mankini that I just received in the mail (I wonder where that came from), the neighbors will love it. I'll be the talk of the neighborhood. Or maybe the hood of the neighbor talk. Either way, it'll be a blast.

      Thanks

      Chuck

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      You two are too much! Lol! I do love the additional pictures! But can you find and umbrella for all 3 of my dogs?!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Katharella- you use hairspray and make-up? Are you from Lemon County, CA or something? We don't have fancy stuff like that here in Milltown. A little lard rubbed on the lips,a branch through the hair, and we're good to go! (we may rub fish under our armpits, but that's just if we're going hunting...for cats)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Mr. Smith- goes to Washington... in STYLE!! I want one... I like my forehead when it's all shiny!!!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      lol Sue, it was just a picTURE :) perfect for this hub!! OH and yeah, dad was smart but he didn't have HAIRSPRAY or MAKE UP to worry about LOL!!!

    • Mr. Smith profile image

      Mr. Smith 6 years ago from California

      I use the retractable Shamwow-brella. It dries and polishes the same head in seconds. It's going to be a long SoCal summer for me, though. The SPF-75 Coppertone Parasol is on my shopping list.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Prasetio- Thank you for coming by! I always love "seeing" you!

      Thank you also for the sweet comment. My umbrellas don't hold a candle to your flying cars, or massive holes, or... well any of the awesome pictures you ALWAYS have in your hubs... but thank you for thinking they were pretty! :O)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      katharella- Just for you, dear, I found and posted two "dog umbrella" pictures below the comments. :O)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Barbergirl- I thought of you and Realho when I saw those babies! I thought about sending you guys each a pair, but lord only knows the baaaad things you might do with them!!

    • prasetio30 profile image

      prasetio30 6 years ago from malang-indonesia

      Beautiful. Thanks for share these beautiful umbrellas. I am glad to know this from you. I really enjoy all stunning pictures. ~prasetio

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      OMG I DID THE SEARCH DOG-BRELLA AND HIT IMAGES AND IT'S THE SECOND ONE! LOL haaaa hahahahaaa... note the person isn't holding one! I guess you get one for your dog and YOU don't get one! lol

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Yeah dad was a smart one! Ah, he grew up on a farm getting to play in the mud and dirt all the time if the rain wasn't in his eyes it didn't bug him! lol.. he did wear his galosh's I guess that's a man's equivalent to the shoe-brella! I SO wish I had that pic of dog-brella tho! Hey I should go look it up cos I know I posted it! lol

    • barbergirl28 profile image

      Stacy Harris 6 years ago from Hemet, Ca

      I was starting to think all of these umbrellas were pretty darn ridiculous, that was until I reached the shoe umbrella. That is brilliance. I might have to go hop in a puddle and go get one! :)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Chris- I'm sorry... when I said "mowing the lawn" I meant "pulling the weeds underneath the cars on blocks"... man, when the sun hits those broken windshields...~sniff~...I'm too choked up to go on.

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      Wait up, what? You have a "lawn"? You indicated that you had grass and several cars up on blocks, is that what Milltown calls "lawn art"?

      I strongly suspect that you are way posher than you make out...

      Anyhow, your comments are distracting me from today's big job, which is cleaning, so, a big thank you for that!

      Enjoy the sun!

      C

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Chris- yes, you did... twice. Lexically... another new word. My brain is hurting!

      Hey, the people in the Rockies must have been sleeping, we have nice weather today!

      I just finished mowing my lawn... there's nothing more beautiful than the sun shining on a freshly mowed green lawn.

      (Did you see how I added 'green' in there? LOL!)

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      Hey, at least I used it in context to help the lexically challenged!

      Sure, send over some rain, we'll waste it for you... And if you watch the weather maps closely, you'll see that we do send our sunshine over to you, except the stuff the people in the Rockies steal, so by my calculation, you should get our awesome weather in two days.

      You're welcome

      C

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      katharella- I'll bet your dad was a raincoat kinda guy. I think he was smarter than all of the rest of us!!!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Chris- No YOU'RE ubiquitous... so there! Ubiquitous, ubiquitous, ubiquitous. I believe I will use that word until it becomes quite ubiquitous.

      I LOVE learning words I should already know!!

      Here's the deal. If you and Austin will please send your sunshine (we'll take 70%) to us, we will give you 80% of our rain!! How's that for 'more than fair'.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Pixienot- I wasn't sure how you'd feel about the umbrella flipping off the rain... I think Austin distracted you, so that's good!

      Thanks for the "produced" compliment. I need more produce. :)

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Austin- We need to make an irrigation highway or reverse condensation-ator and then send all this wet stuff your way!

      I believe in redistribution of rain!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Realho- you're all class!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Drbj- I'll do some checking and get back to you on that! (This could potentially make more money than Stan's Uranus Gear!)

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      ah HA.. see, I wish dad was still around.. he would a got a crack up about it! Oh, and the whole umbrella thing, although he was a chronic hat wearer! :)

    • ChrisLincoln profile image

      ChrisLincoln 6 years ago from Orange (or Lemon...) County, California

      Sue,

      I was once living in a land where my umbrella was as ubiquitous as my cell phone, always by my side, ready for action (I would have loved the sword one)

      Now, like Austinstar, unbrellas gather dust as we suffer yet another day of sunshine...

      I'm not gloating, but...

      Really liked this hub :)

      (Hey, Austinstar, I like your sunbrella idea, only problem is, if you carry an unbrella out here it is assumed that you are an Asian grandma...)

    • Pixienot profile image

      Pixienot 6 years ago from Clarksville, Indiana

      Austin, you are too funny!

      Susan, I so much enjoyed this. I was laughing while reading it. And I'm so glad you explained what was going on in the pictures - some had me baffled.

      Well written and well produced.

      Voted up and awesome!

    • Austinstar profile image

      Austinstar 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

      What's an umbrella? I can tell it has something to do with keeping away the rain. I vaguely remember what rain is.

      We need a Texas umbrella to keep the sun from beating us to death. I think we should line it with tin foil. SPF 100.

    • sueroy333 profile image
      Author

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Katharella- you are so right... people do melt!

      Remind me someday to tell you the story of how I lost my right arm during the rains of '98. I won't go into detail, but just know that melting happens, and sticking your arm out of the car to see if it's really raining can be very, very, dangerous.

      A finger survived. It's by mile marker 16 on interstate 65.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 6 years ago from Lost in America

      Of all times to be caught without my umbrella..... picture! lol! I had one of those little book with unusual things in them, and it had a DOG LEASH UMBRELLA. Ok, yeah cool, you take your dog for a walk, and your holding the leash, that has an umbrella for your dog! But it doesn't show THE PERSON other than their feet. Their other arm is hanging straight down. Now this leads one to wonder.. Is she standing there dripping wet holding the umbrella leash, while getting soaked. I really would like to know just HOW MANY people actually ordered one. Cos, if you're holding one for your dog, and one for yourself (assuming you are) then what happens when you decide you need to grab something like change or something out of your purse.. do you put the umbrella down for you or the dog, somebody's gonna get wet right! lol.. So, I dunno,my dad always said "why do people run in our of the rain, it's not like you're going to melt".. I was like "yeah but dad.. remember the witch on the Wizard of Oz, what if my sister melts" hahahaaaaaaaaaaa no such luck. ::sigh:: I'd say keep the umbrella for the dog and the shoes LOL!

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      Sue - no - no shoe umbrellas - my tennis shoes aren't that fancy! I mean keeping it real and all....tempting but when I wear my high heeled furry slippers I want them to be seen - rain or shine!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      Sue, sweetie, who do we sue before we go into production?

    • sueroy333 profile image
      Author

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Drbj- Just for you... please look below the comments. It's missing the chocolate pockets, and it's not hand free... but apparently your idea was one worth working toward! I love it!

      Definitely they should add the chocolate pockets and call it a Yumbrella- this one is just called the "full body umbrella"... you have more creativity in your nostril than these people have in their full bodies!!

    • sueroy333 profile image
      Author

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Realho- you don't want the shoe umbrellas too? Really? I thought they cried "Realho"!

    • sueroy333 profile image
      Author

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      pottyhumor- I'm glad you decided to go since it's obvious you're completely full of crap. LOL! Thanks for the laugh... as always!

    • drbj profile image

      drbj and sherry 6 years ago from south Florida

      These are really weird umbrellas, sue, thanks for showering us with the details.

      My fave is the Dweeb but I would extend the side panels so they hung down to the ground like the flaps on a tent. Then you could stay fairly dry all over. I would add inside pockets for chocolate - in case of emergencies, you know - and call this new creation the Yumbrella. Whatcha think?

    • RealHousewife profile image

      Kelly Umphenour 6 years ago from St. Louis, MO

      I'll take the first umbrella (I live in St. Louis - it would be understood here) and although I do love the very creative, yet simple designs - I can't use the one built for two - it would give a new meaning to going out for a drag, and are you sure #7 won't kill you?

    • attemptedhumour profile image

      attemptedhumour 6 years ago from Australia

      We only need them to keep the broiling sun off our (gone troppo) heads. I'm lying it's been the wettest year since Noah's sojourn. I could build a brick one which could double as a BBQ. You'd have muscles like Arnie after a while too. You could wrench the loo out and plop that on your head, it is your signature tune after all. You could buy a great big lap top and write as you were going. Then you could carry on with your dry humour. Ok i'm going. See ya.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Mentalist- might I suggest the "giving the rain the finger" umbrella. It seems as though it has earned such a gesture!

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      BPop-I wonder how many divorces list "double umbrella" as the cause.

    • sueroy333 profile image
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      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Susan- OMG I love it! We could probably do an entire hub on the shoe umbrellas alone!

    • Mentalist acer profile image

      Mentalist acer 6 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

      Unfortunately,I've never had much luck with any umbrella as the rain never cooperates and fall straight down:-))

    • breakfastpop profile image

      breakfastpop 6 years ago

      Love that double umbrella. It must take a lot of practice to walk in sync.

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Thanks for linking to me and I just thought of something else those shoe umbrellas would be great for people that want to take their hamsters for a walk in the rain.

    • sueroy333 profile image
      Author

      Susan Mills 6 years ago from Indiana

      Susan- too funny! Chelsea was just saying how cool it would be to use that double umbrella as a glider!!

      It would probably work better than trying to run against the wind while holding on to both handles!

      Thanks again for this! I found two other articles and a couple of videos on these and a bunch of other "you've got to be kidding me!" umbrellas! Awesome! I owe you one! :)

    • Just Ask Susan profile image

      Susan Zutautas 6 years ago from Ontario, Canada

      Wow I just somehow knew if anyone could take these umbrellas and make a funny hub about them it would be you.

      I can imagine someone thinking that the double umbrella would be great for cliff diving. Hold on with both hands, jump and see if I can fly.