Fashion Don'ts that Should be Obvious but Sadly Aren't
Let me start off by saying that I am no where near close to the definition of a Fashionista. Metaphorically speaking, I probably have the fashion sense of a rock. But a respectable rock with morals and common sense. So you see, if I can figure out what is wrong with your charming ensemble in .3 seconds, the rest of the world can as well. So why can't you?
Fishnet tops...and only fishnet tops
I don't know where this came from, but it needs to crawl back into the dark hole it formally called home. It was startling the first time I witnessed it. A woman, no older than myself, coming into my workplace with a white fishnet shirt and a very visible tan bra underneath. As a mere ice cream server, I could only hand her her cup of butter pecan in confession before she left. I tried to disregard it, but then it happened again the next day. A woman twice my age this time.
At first, I gave women the benefit of the doubt. Maybe they were just remarkably unobservant. But then this unfortunate occurrence happened too many times for it to be considered coincidental. My worst fears were confirmed when I began to Google this strange phenomenon. Fishnet tops being modeled in this exact fashion. Casually!
I'll confess, this fashion choice isn't as shocking when the itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka dot bikini is a common occurrence in your city, but I would love to see someone try to pull this look off in a more mild-mannered town. A retirement community perhaps?
Leggings as pants
The first person I ever encountered who was constantly guilty of this fashion faux pas was my college dormmate. She would lounge around our room in leggings all the time. I thought nothing of it. It was our room after all. A secure den of comfort. But then she would leave for class that way. I thought this was strange until I started to notice other girls around campus. Leggings. Leggings everywhere and not a tunic nor skirt to be seen.
- How To Look Good In Leggings
What should you know about the leggings trend? Should you wear leggings with boots, flats, sneakers, heels, skirts, dresses, or tunics? Can anyone wear leggings? Use this guide to keep your look current and tasteful.
I finally gave in and bought a pair of legging for myself to see what all the fuss was about. Comfy, warm, slimming. But when I took off my shorts to see this popular style, I looked ridiculous! It looked like I flat out forgot to put on pants that morning. And that's what almost every other girl looks like too!
Look, I'm all for dressing comfy. I'm all for confidence in your body. But tight fitting thick stockings just don't look good on the majority of people. I can see everything outlined; legs, thighs, buttocks, underwear. It's awful when I can tell exactly what kind of underwear you're wearing. And if I don't see the pantie line, well that's just even more cause for concern. Just put on your big girl pants. Literally.
UGGs. They speak for themselves
I have never liked UGGs. Never. Why? I live in Florida. You do not need to wear UGGs in Florida. I understand if you live somewhere cold. I'm sure they're quite comfortable and I confess they even look pretty fashionable with the right outfit, but I spent my last Christmas in shorts and a tank top with the window open.
Stop wearing UGGs when it's not cold.
Maybe I would be a little more forgiving if they were worn with a pair of jeans. Heck, even during the summer time you can still catch me in jeans. But they're not worn with any sort of pants. They're worn with shorts, skirts, and little dresses. This isn't trendy. This doesn't even make sense. What is wrong with your internal climate control? Go get that thing looked at.
What's even worse is that now they have UGGS...for the bride. Yes, bridals UGGs. And they are just as gaudy as you are imagining. Hey, I'm down for comfort on my big day too, but look at them:
The sequins are ridiculous enough, but fuzzy sandals? Oh, but look at that adorable little ribbon in the middle of it. Now that's classy.
Cool story, babe! Now go make me a sandwich *hurr*
*slow inhale through nose* No. It's not funny. It's not witty. It's not clever. It's not even "Hey, lighten up! It's just a joke." These shirts are annoying, unoriginal, and just downright sexist. If I could take every kitchen and sandwich joke told to me and transform them into tangible objects, I'd have enough to choke a whale! I would take 1,000 YOLO shirts over these travesties against advancement the 21st century.
Maybe I would be a little more okay with this shirt if its intended purpose was to spread some sort of irony. Though I'm pretty sure the good majority of these 14-17 year old male hooligans don't even know the definition of irony. Nor hooligan for that matter.
Cases where I will allow you to wear this shirt:
- You are a male and you are exceptionally polite and courteous. This leads me to being pleasantly surprised and happy for the rest of the day. I thought the worst of you and you proved me wrong. You taught me a valuable lesson on judging other people based on appearances. Well done.
- You are a female. You have successfully demonstrated how to be ironic. Please share this definition with your male counterparts.
- You are a really old man. Old men just make things funny. I don't make the rules, that's just the way life works. Seriously, slap an "I <3 Boobs" t-shirt on him while you're at it and see if you don't get a few good chuckles for the day.
If you are not one of these three examples, or if you can't give me any other justifiable reason for wearing this shirt....then I won't outwardly do anything, but I'll have very unkind things to say about you in my head. Yeah. Think about that.
Disclaimer: Nothing I have stated above should be taken seriously. As I have mentioned, I have no real knowledge when it comes to fashion. I also have no say on how to live your life, and that includes your wardrobe. What you wear has no effect on my life other than my own musings. This article was written for pure comedic purposes and I hope you got a good laugh out of it. Have a nice day.