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Long Toenails Are Not Sexy!!

Updated on September 14, 2009
Perfect.
Perfect.
Oh, dear!
Oh, dear!
Monsters, Inc?
Monsters, Inc?
Whoa.
Whoa.
Elvira?
Elvira?

I used to work with a woman who had nauseatingly long toenails. She used to file them into a sharp point and they used to jut out over the edge of her open-toed sandals. Let me just tell you, I have a real thing about feet.

I don't like them.

If you happen to have nice, pretty feet, I can tolerate seeing them in sandals. Otherwise, I'd prefer you not subject me to your piggies, thank you. Toenails simply aren't attractive at a length that exceeds the nail bed. Not even if they've been painted and filed by a professional.

Unfortunately, many women seem unaware of this. As a result, we have chicks running around with painted monstrosities dragging across the pavement as they walk. These same people often go out of their way to have matching pedicures and manicures. Which is fine - provided your toenails are kept in line. Here are some tips to make sure they are.

Do not let the length surpass the edge of your toe.

Really, most feet look better when the length stops a few mm shy of the edge of the toe - but if you insist on a longer style, make sure the buck stops here. Anything else is just icky and gross.

File them straight across and round the edges slightly.

You don't want a perfect straight edge as seen with manicures. That will make the lines of your feet look strange. Feet are usually ugly. You should be doing your best to minimize this, and present a feminine line wherever possible.

Forget the 3D effects.

Unless it's a special occasion thing, don't clutter your toes up with silly 3D decorations. That's just going to keep people focused on your feet, when they should be focusing on you.

Don't go overboard.

Airbrushed designs and fancy artwork can look great on fingernails, but they just look tacky on toenails. Do you want to look tacky? Well? Do ya?

Skip the French pedicure.

I'm sorry, but this just looks nasty most of the time. I suppose some might be able to pull it off, but that's a rare occurrence indeed. Solid colors, please!

-

You would also be wise to exfoliate your feet on a regular basis. If you're going to paint your toenails and do all kinds of fancy things to them, you want to be sure the rest of your foot looks nice. Dry, funky skin does not go with any ensemble, so take care of those piggies - or stuff ‘em into a pair of socks!

xx Isabella

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