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Flip Flops Blackened My Soul

Updated on May 12, 2009


I’ll admit it, there are times when I wear things that I wonder if a forty-something should be wearing at all. Certain items have definitely gone by the wayside, there are the short overalls and things of that nature but sometimes it’s not as easy to figure out if what you’re wearing is age appropriate or maybe something that no one should be wearing regardless of their age. For the past several years all I seem to see “the kids” wearing are flip flops. I have never been a flip flop devotee to look at or wear. It would seem that the people with the worst looking feet seem to want the world to see them at every opportunity. As my mate once said about a woman who we were standing in line behind who had the most God awful looking feet in a pair of sandals, “Put those potatoes back in their sack!” But the other day it was really hot here in Vegas and I decided to go ahead and put on my sports car red flip flops to run some errands. It wasn’t until later that day that I discovered that flip flops blackened my soul – Don’t Get Me Started!

I was out and about for maybe a little over an hour and when I came home, I kicked off my flip flops and an odd thing happened. Sort of like when you were a kid and took off your roller skates after skating for awhile (no, not roller blades but the actual four wheel per foot roller skates that the dinosaurs wore), you know that feeling that you still had the skates on? Well that was the feeling that I got on the bottom of my feet. It was as if the rubber was still there. Imagine my shock and horror when I looked at the bottom of my feet to discover that a thick black coating was covering the soles of my feet. Gross!

I know most of you would say that the easiest thing to do would be to just go wash my feet but for some reason that didn’t appeal to me as a solution, at least not right away. I didn’t know where to put myself. I didn’t want to walk around on my carpet with the crud on my feet, I didn’t want to God forbid track the gunk onto the kitchen floor and I certainly didn’t want to put it up on any furniture. Finally, not being able to take it anymore I washed my feet in the shower and that’s when I really started thinking.

You see, I’ve known people in my time who wear nothing but the flip flops. There was one girl I knew from Guam who I don’t think I saw wearing anything but a sandal type of affair. I don’t care how cold it was outside her tootsies were always out on display. And all this time I’ve just wondered why the people with cracked dried out skin on their heels or the people with the long toe nails (not groomed, painted or done on purpose) would choose to have their feet out on display? But now after my experience it seemed to me that the bigger issue would be that these people who walk around with flip flops on period. They must have the most disgusting dirty feet in the universe and guess what? That makes them all around gross in my book.

Now before you start thinking I’m a germaphobe let me assure you that I could never be considered a Felix Unger (kids, ask your parents or Google it). I’m as sloppy as the next guy but this whole filthy feet thing just makes me think that there are plenty of these people who wear the flip flops and don’t wash their feet before putting on another outfit and a different pair of flip flops and go out once again into the world. Forget about the flu spreading through casual human contact, what horrible grossness do you think could be passed around by the flip flop people?

Maybe this isn’t as big a deal as I’m making it out to be but I have to tell you that it certainly rocked me to my core and more to the point, it just plain disgusted me. Now when I see people wearing flip flops I’m completely distracted. It’s like when people have long nose hairs and they try to tell you something but all you can do is focus on that hair that keeps moving as they speak. When someone comes up to me with the flip flops I’m going to be thinking about those feet, those dirty, disgusting feet and that’s why flip flops blackened my soul – Don’t Get Me Started!

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      Ventrue 8 years ago

      Dude, why a man would wear flip flops or any type of sandal away from the beach or pool is beyond me anyway....

      .....guys cover your dogs and leave the open shoes for the ladies, please.