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The Forever Lazy: Really!?

Updated on December 10, 2013
This is it's intention.  Kill it with fire!
This is it's intention. Kill it with fire!

Forgive the lengthy rant following this sentence, but this is ridiculous.

The first time I saw this commercial I thought it was a spoof. It had to be. It reminded me of faux ads on Saturday Night Live. It actually made me laugh thinking of John Belushi being the spokesperson for his Little Chocolate Doughnuts. I was waiting for Phil Hartman to walk on screen playing some goofy character. It didn't happen. I didn't even get Chris Elliot.

The Forever Lazy is a product being marketed for those who are just too darn lazy to wear a blanket OR it’s deformed, backwards wannabe robe cousin, the Snuggie. So it’s basically a zip jumpsuit you wear around the house, which is fine I guess. But there is just one problem, YOU CAN WEAR A SWEATSHIRT AND PANTS ALREADY! It’s like if you decided to throw away your couch so you could buy a bunch of “new” pillows and duct tape them together. I mean, it serves the same purpose and is infinitely more embarrassing. I dare someone to wear one of these things in public (as it shows countless times on the commercial).

The Forever Lazy, for those who want to look like they're wearing footie pajamas as a full-fledged adult. I thought that immediately, but then my live-in girlfriend pointed out that it doesn't have any feet. No less than 5 seconds later the announcer came in with “your free gift.” I’ll give you one guess….Slipper Socks.

I forgot the best part, the @$$flaps. Yes, I know, long johns have had them forever. But long johns are yet another product that already exists. So now they’ve taken the laziest parts of them all and bred them into this monstrosity.

finally a blanket I can poop in!
finally a blanket I can poop in!

I can see the production board meeting.
-“Okay, I have this new product. They were dumb enough to buy all those Snuggies. Let’s just sell them footie pajamas.”

- “As the head of this company, I, in good conscience, can’t sell this to consumers.”

-“Okay, how about this. We cut off the feet and give it back to them for ‘free’.”

-“Well what about when you want to go to the bathroom?”

-“This was being saved for the Infinitely Obese coming out in 2014, but we have been working on a butt-flap prototype.”

-“Genius!”

So, to sum it up, if you buy the Forever Lazy you will be magically transformed from a man/woman into basically what amounts to a Muppet Baby. Wait, now I wanna buy one…

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    • d.william profile image

      d.william 

      6 years ago from Somewhere in the south

      comical hub. Although i have not seen this commercial, i am not the least bit surprised. The majority of commercials are written to appeal to the 6 grade level of intelligence - exactly what the average American has. (L.O.L. but not really funny) I especially liked the video.

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      I haven't thought about the Jetsons in quite a while, thanks for the link and comments Leafy Den.

    • Leafy Den profile image

      Leafy Den 

      6 years ago from the heart

      For those who may not remember the Jetsons, here is a reminder:

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E2h5mpmSoc4

    • Leafy Den profile image

      Leafy Den 

      6 years ago from the heart

      In theory, these sound wonderful...warm and comfy and saves lots of decision making every morning! But, what's next...the forever lazy, never going out, becoming a hermit, spending your days in front of the computer or TV snacking...being so comfy that you forget to shower or have a bath, ending up with greasy hair, grungy teeth as too lazy to brush. These are only for those who just don't care or for the very rich who can afford the lifestyle robots aka Jetsons - those robots who wake, wash and feed you and then pour you into your freshly washed Forever Lazy...LOL! Great hub!

    • Claudia Tello profile image

      Claudia Tello 

      6 years ago from Mexico

      Same as John MacNab. I swear I will never become that lazy, never ever!

    • Jlava73 profile image

      Jennifer Vasconcelos 

      6 years ago from Cyberspace and My Own World

      I love the idea. I just hope we don't start to see people wearing them on the street :) Love your sense of humor!

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      haha, well it was going to be a very condescending picture.

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 

      6 years ago

      Don't take a picture. Beat them up.

      Oops. Did I say that out loud?

    • profile image

      Derdriu 

      6 years ago

      Skinsman82000, What an amusing, entertaining, gently ironic look at consumerism! In particular, the imagined board meeting is an effectively humorous way to end such an all-around hilarious article.

      Thank you for sharing,

      Derdriu

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      Yeah, the tailgating is absurd. The first time I see someone wearing one in public, I'll be sure to take a picture. Maybe I'll put it on here, ha.

    • profile image

      Motown2Chitown 

      6 years ago

      My favorite part of the commercials? The group wearing them while tailgating. WTF?!?!

      Muppet baby? Hahahaha!

    • John MacNab profile image

      John MacNab 

      6 years ago from the banks of the St. Lawrence

      Looks and sounds revolting skinsman82000. I will NOT become so lazy - honest.

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      That's a really good idea Dan. What about 6-second abs or the spray on hair from Ronco. Thanks for the comment.

    • Outbound Dan profile image

      Dan Human 

      6 years ago from Niagara Falls, NY

      As I saw this for the first time late at night, I too thought it was a spoof - I kept looking for the punchline. I thought about buying one and walking around with a flowbee personal haircutting device for Halloween. What would I be - a gullible tv consumer.

    • travel_man1971 profile image

      Ireno Alcala 

      6 years ago from Bicol, Philippines

      Oh my! I might try this one, hahaha! Or maybe when I get sick. -_-

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      thanks for the comment. I didn't look into any lazy pet clothing. I'm sure you could fashion something for a few dogs out of one...

    • marcoujor profile image

      Maria Jordan 

      6 years ago from Jeffersonville PA

      Are these stylish garments available for 'lazy puppies'?

      I love that mother - daughter look when lounging around the house... and 'when us gals sit around the house'... oh, sorry, this was FUNNY, so nice to meet you, mar.

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      Can't say I disagree there! I'm more partial to no pants....haha.

    • hecate-horus profile image

      hecate-horus 

      6 years ago from Rowland Woods

      Yikes. The imaginary conversation in the board meeting, I think you hit the nail on the head. Americans will buy anything if you package it right! Funny hub,voted up!

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 

      6 years ago from Lost in America

      Ok fine. Regardless of the color my boyfriend would still call the back flap "easy access" LOL!

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      please, the both of you, don't. It will encourage them.

    • Katharella profile image

      Katharella 

      6 years ago from Lost in America

      IT COMES IN PINK?

      I'M GETTING ONE!!!!!!!

    • Simplicity4All profile image

      Simplicity4All 

      6 years ago from Rhode Island, USA

      this is hilarious, great hub and rant. i thoroughly enjoy your version of their board meeting especially since that us probably a pretty accurate depiction of what went down, thanks for following my hubs! I look forward to enjoying more of yours, sadly I'm not sitting around on my laptop in my lazy gear perhaps I see a stupid purchase in my near future haha :D

    • skinsman82000 profile imageAUTHOR

      skinsman82000 

      6 years ago from Frederick Maryland

      haha, yeah, I loved that show when I was little.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 

      6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      ok, 5 times.

    • lisadpreston profile image

      lisadpreston 

      6 years ago from Columbus, Ohio

      I want one badly!!!!!! I just asked my grandma to get me one. LOL. She wants one too. Loved the muppets video. I watched it 4 times.

    • myawn profile image

      myawn 

      6 years ago from Florida

      I don't think I would purchase this product I like my blankie Ha Ha!But maybe someone else would be comfortable wearing it.

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