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Marc Janssen's Flooded 2053 | Fashionable Global Warming

Updated on April 6, 2010

The prospect of rising sea levels may not seem like something that the world of fashion would worry about. After all, as we all know, everyone in the world of fashion spends their days face down in piles of expensive drug laced fabrics. But it would appear that the global warming message has been heard by at least one fashion leader who has responded to it in the only way he knows how – by putting out a collection. Oh, is there any problem that skinny girls wearing ridiculous make up and clothes that barely function as clothes cannot solve?

Yes, but don't worry, it can apparently be solved by a guy playing dress ups with trash bags.

My dear readers, I give to you, Marc Janssen's 'Flooded 2053'. (A collection rather like Mugatu's 'Derelicte', as seen in the movie Zoolander, but produced much more seriously.)

By this time, we will all be wearing plastics as a matter of course, it would appear, which is actually quite a good idea as it may stop the stuff from making its way into the ocean, being ground down by the ever present forces of the currents and subsequently being ingested into the food chain by sea creatures who think that it looks like a tasty treat.

We will also, apparently, have rediscovered the beauty of feudal times, and wear thin breastplates that will presumably only be useful if we are attacked with plastic knives. You know the ones, the thin, white, snappy ones that they give you to saw through your microwaved airplane food. This guy would totally be able to fend of a dangerous attack from one of those tools of doom, anything sharper than that would slice through him in an instant.

Those of us who aren't clambering about on the roves of little plastic houses will apparently spend our days floating about on barrels of toxic waste and reminiscing about Roman times. We will strap faux gold metal onto our shoulders and legs, leaving all our vital organs exposed to the cruel toxic winds, and presumably, cruel toxic mutants who will be emerging from the new primordial toxic sludge to reclaim the planet. Men will wear a lot of eyeliner.

Those of us who have not embraced either Medieval or Ancient Roman fashions will content ourselves with Victorian aesthetics. We will also be very easily distracted from rescuing our friends, and we will point winsomely into the darkened distance, where we intend to loot a 7/11.

I used to fear global warming and the inevitable rising of the sea levels that will probably drown millions and displace millions more. Now I recognize it for what it is, a perfect excuse to get into some really retro fashion. Fabulous!


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