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Hanky Panky Totally Made Bras For Giraffe Men

Updated on May 8, 2010

I know that sometimes some of you think I've lost my ever loving mind when I'm doing these lingerie reviews. I know that, and I'm okay with that. You know why? Because nothing I write, and I'm even including my musings on space lingerie in this, could possibly be anywhere near as weird as what actual lingerie manufacturers are doing for real. Don't believe me? Think that I must be exaggerating at best and hallucinating at worst? Put your lithium prescriptions away!

I present to you, the Hanky Panky Giraffe Leopard Bandeau Bra, for men and women who just don't care about their lingerie making any kind of sense at all.

It might sound as though I am heaping scorn upon Hanky Panky for this dubious design decision, but far from it. I support real world surreal decisions on a daily basis, and therefore, I must support this one too. I can only hope that the Giraffe / Leopard Bandeau Bra is wildly successful and that lingerie manufacturers start bringing out lines of entirely nonsensical lingerie. I would like to see some robot themed bras, or if robots are deemed too puerile, perhaps some cybernetic styles. Also, for the classically inclined, a line of brassieres inspired by classical paintings might be nice. I, for one, would like to see Venus rising out of her clam shell on my chest. It's just right.

Surreal lingerie is most excellent for playing pretend, which is important for everybody to do on a regular basis. Being reminded that reality is what you make it is good for your mental health. Wearing this bandeau bra, you can pretend that you are a cave person who has brutally slaughtered a giraffe for its skin. If that doesn't put you in the mood for appreciating your lingerie, I don't know what will.

Alternately, you could pretend to be a shaman who has managed to transform large and dangerous animals into spirit totems that you wear about your chest. With just one magical phrase, a leopard will leap forth out of your clothing and maul the nearest ingrate, whilst a giraffe canters gleefully about the cityscape.

Anyway, if you were looking for some animal print lingerie with a difference, Hanky Panky has evidently been to the zoo and decided to paint what they saw on their lingerie. I'm holding out for the crocodile lace bra and panty sets myself. And the cotton candy! And the man riding the unicycle! (We may have now left the zoo and turned up unexpectedly at the circus, but don't let that concern you, life is just weird that way. Embrace it, by wearing lingerie at least as half as weird as life is.

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