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How To Dress Like A Communist

Updated on March 22, 2010

Communism is the new witchcraft, which means that we should soon see an uprising of young people who admire the ideals of Comrade Marx and dress themselves accordingly. If you're interested in dressing like a communist, here are some fashion tips to help you attain an authentic look.

Drab Colors

Khaki, Grey and Forest Green are all good communist colors. Interestingly, they are also good camouflage colors, which just goes to show how versatile communism is. Whether you're hunting down democrats in the jungle or renouncing religion to plough the fields, you'll be dressed for the occasion.

Drab colors also play to the communist ideal of not standing out in a crowd. You see, if we are all to be good communists together, we cannot have the cult of the individual coming along and ruining it for all of us. Aside from taking a moment every day to praise the great leader, one should be intent on providing for and acting as a member of a greater machine.

Red Stars and Sickles and Hammers

Communists love red stars and hammers and sickles. Remember, as a good communist you are also a good worker, so wearing symbols of working hard is always a good idea if you want to please your communist superiors. Not that anyone is actually superior in comminism, some just happen to have a little more power and live in slightly nicer houses, but that's just the luck of the draw.


All good communists should wear pants. Pants are comfortable and practical and don't get in the way like pants do. No matter whether you're male or female, pants will get you through sticky situations in way that skirts and dresses never could. The only time at which pants should not be worn is during childbirth, as newborn babies (or mini comrades, as I like to call them) are not yet familiar with communist best practices and will invariably get stuck in the gusset of any pants a woman might wear.

Filth and Grease

A good comrade is always covered in just a little filth and grease from laboring for the benefit of the nation. Those with clean fingernails and shined spectacles are traitors to the cause and must be stamped into the mud until they realize the error of their ways and pick up their sickles and hammers to make the world a better place. Gentle sobbing is allowable, as long as patriotic songs are sung to cover any traitorous misery.


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      Lorraine 7 years ago

      I hope your pulling are leg Hope, we have one to many Marx now.