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How To Name Your Panties

Updated on April 13, 2010

Have you named all your panties yet? No? Well this is the hub you've been looking for, I think I can safely say without exaggeration, all your life.

Lingerie manufacturers commonly assign their creations seemingly random female names, apparently in the hope that women (or men with female alter egos) will connect with the name. We're evidently expected to like products better if they have some sort of human attribute, and apparently being vaguely butt shaped is not enough for panties. It's such a popular marketing tactic that it is hard to go shopping for a pair of panties these days that isn't called Helen, or Maria, or Antoinette, or Eva, or Elizabeth, or some other delightful feminine name. If you haven't noticed this trend, then I'm afraid that you simply haven't been paying attention. Take yourself off to the corner and think about what you've done.

Though this is proving to be an immensely popular marketing strategy, it is a strategy that could very well backfire. 'Oh my, that thong has the same name as grandma! How lovely it would be to have a tribute to her riding up my derriere every second of the day'. That would certainly be a marketing failure, wouldn't it?

And that's not the only risk marketers take when they name our panties for us. Some of us resent them taking the liberty. Some of us don't like the fact that all our lingerie is named for us in advance. When I buy other things, they don't come pre-named for me. The pork chops we grilled yesterday were not called Sam and Timmy, not until we decided on their names, anyway.

Naming things is a very personal process, not one that should be arbitrarily decided upon by marketing graduates stuck in a room with glass walls, a whiteboard and an erasable marker pen. In order to find the true spiritual name of a pair of panties, you must first walk a thousand miles in them. For more sedentary types, this could take over a year. It will however, be a year of discovery and bonding, and by the time you come to bestow a name on your panties, or rather, to uncover their true name, the name inherent in their pantyness, you will be doing so from a place of deeper lingerie wisdom.

Alternatively, you can simply sit down with one of those pens made especially for writing on fabric and  simply scrawl the first name that comes into your head on the back of your panties. Some lingerie mystics call this 'automatic naming', and as mad as that might sound, it is still better than letting a lingerie corporation sully your lovely panties with some cookie cutter name.


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    • Georgina_writes profile image

      Georgina Crawford 

      8 years ago from Dartmoor

      I would never, in a million years, have thought about naming my panties. Great hub!

    • Hope Alexander profile imageAUTHOR

      Hope Alexander 

      8 years ago

      I've lost it? I'm not actually naming my panties, unlike certain manufacturers I could name ;)

    • profile image


      8 years ago


      This time I think you have gone mad woman ! !....ROFLMAO



    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Haha, I never name objects, apart from the ones representing living beings.

      I'll have to think about naming my panties though. Can't let companies win^^

    • profile image


      8 years ago

      Hope, I'm headed for the corner and then I will make restitution for my ways. lol I'll have to do this and it would be fun to do.


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