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If God Didn’t Want Me To Criticize People He Wouldn’t Have Given Me This Great Taste

Updated on July 13, 2009

A couple of nights ago I met some friends who were in town for the weekend for dinner. I met them at one of the major resorts on the Strip here in Vegas. It’s never a fun thing for a local to have to go to the Strip (either every day for work or on a Saturday night to meet people) but alas, as they were taking in one of the many Cirque shows I resigned myself to the fact that I would indeed be on the Strip on a Saturday night. As I stood outside the theatre there was an endless parade of quite the sights. People in clothes that were too tight, clothes that were too shiny, clothes that were too 1987, well, clothes that were too a lot of things. And as I chastised myself in my head for being so critical, it dawned on me. If God didn’t want me to criticize people He wouldn’t have given me this great taste. – Don’t Get Me Started!

People always talk about how the Jesus gets in them and they just have to let everyone know about it. They want to hand me brochures in the airport. They want to send me emails asking me to take Jesus into my heart before I go to hell. They come up with all sorts of reasons that they just can’t contain the Jesus within them. They HAVE to share the Jesus with me. Well, isn’t telling people they’re wearing something that looks awful on them just as important as sharing the Jesus? I mean most people aren’t even going to be meeting the Jesus for quite awhile but they are going to be making asses out of themselves as they wear that hair that originated and had a shelf life date of 1987 today, tomorrow and for many days after until someone tells them it has to go. As I stood there I realized that instead of trying to create self-loathing for being an “awful” person I needed to realize that maybe I was put on this earth to help make it more pretty or at the very least make you more pretty.

Now before you tell me that there are professionals out there all ready doing this (the first two that come to mind are Stacey London and Clinton Kelly on TLC’s What Not To Wear) and there are a lot of stylists out there (but let’s face it, some of these people have no clue either) I think there’s something between an intervention on a television show and just posting some practical advice and I’m electing myself to do the posting.

Rhinestones – unless you’re a mother of the bride or a drag queen you should try to stay away from these. This also includes men who wear the rhinestoned t-shirts as of late (thank you Ed Hardy). You know the ones with the dragons all over them looking all tough but meanwhile they’re “Bedazzled” more than a Miss America evening gown. Tight is not good. If you have a dress that you sort of used to fit into and you can still squeeze yourself into, throw it away. The deal here is this, yes while you can still get the fabric to stretch about you, you’re more interested in the “fitting into it” than realizing the “filling and falling out of it” you’re doing. Again this goes for men, if you have big arms and a big gut to match, don’t wear that tight t-shirt showing off your guns while there’s a cannon ball where your stomach should be. Sure your arms look good as the fabric of your shirt stretches over your bulging biceps but allow your eyes to go further down and when you see that you suddenly look pregnant it’s going to really distract from the masculinity of the bulging arms. You don’t have to be a slave to the latest fashion trends but you do need to know when something is so completely out of style. For example, I saw a man wearing dress pants and a silky mock turtleneck. Never mind that it’s a 106 degrees outside, if you want to do yourself and the world a favor you’ll burn the shirt that was bad in the 90’s and so much worse in the 2000’s.

I know for a lot of people they continue to wear things that are inappropriate because it reminds them of a time when they felt young and/or pretty. But you’d look younger and prettier if you’d leave those looks in the centuries where they belong and go ahead and update your look. And if that’s too big of a leap at least take the small step to just wear clothes that fit you. Too tight or too big are never good. Think of Goldilocks and try to get clothes that fit “just right.” And if you should see me on the street staring at you with my head cocked to one side go ahead and come up to me and ask what you’re doing wrong. I’ll be just as happy to give you my fashion sermon live just like the crazies who stand on corners yelling about the Jesus. Until then I’m going to also learn to accept this gift I’ve been given and refuse to think there’s anything negative about knowing what goes with what, telling people or even making fun of them. If God didn’t want me to criticize people He wouldn’t have given me this great taste. – Don’t Get Me Started!

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